[~Lynda~]

Ok, so my DH came home last night RIGHT after AF had started and he told me that my cousin, who wanted ONE child (and has a son) is pregnant again!!!! I thought i was going to scream. but i didn't... i held it together and said IN A VERY HIGH PITCHED VOICE "oh how wonderful" - you know the voice, the one that says, "i'm going to scream"...

Well all day today, I keep asking myself how much longer I can continue to do this. when do I call it quits. i can't answer that question and because i can't answer that question, I tend to convince myself that it should be now. I don't want to quit trying, but I also don't want this horrific circle ending in disappointment every month. We can't afford an RE as our insurance covers nothing. My husband's insurance stinks. My OB says i've gotten pregnant (last june/ended in m/c) and she tells me to give it time. but i just feel like this should have happened by now.

please ladies talk me out of giving up. cause i really just want to give up!!! i know i get all bummed out every time AF comes, but this cycle, I am searching for whether or not to continue on.... HELP!!!! and HUGS

[Hopingfor1soon]

Oh Lynda!! I am so sorry!! Trust me I know how hard it can be seeing BFNs every month, but just think about with this is for....I think you have a WONDERFUL chance of concieving soon since your MC was only 3 months ago! Please keep trying for your wonderful little miracle and please dont hang your head too low!! I am completely here for you 100% of the way!!!

[richmond_girl]

I am sooo sorry Lynda. Don't give up - the reward at the end is far too great. All this pain will only make you a much stronger mother, woman and human being. One day the timeline will all make sense, but until then all you can do is keep trying and believing.

I have questioned our TTC journey so many times in the past few months, and you all know that I came close to giving up myself. Sometimes I feel like God is telling me to get a clue, that it just isn't going to happen for me. But I know in my heart that's not true, and I know that if I prove my faith everything else will come in time.

There is a reason we're all going through this, and that's because we're strong enough to sustain the ordeal. We never get more than we can handle, and I'm sure all of us can name 10, 20, 50 other women/couples who would have given up by now. We are in this because we all have the strength, maturity, grace and perspective to keep picking ourselves up, wipe away our tears and continue to persevere month and month after month.

There is also a reason we've been all brought together here, and that's so we can hold each other up when the struggle gets too tough, and help erase the self-doubt and darkness that threatens to kill our dreams. Think of how many lives you've touched being on these boards (mine included), how many women you've given hope to and how many women you've helped (albeit unknowingly) on this physically, emotionally, financially draining journey. Draw strength from that knowledge and let it carry you during these difficult times. We are all here for you whenever you need us.

[KDD]

I know how you feel Lynda. My Dr. won't refer me to an RE since we got pg on our own last time. She says it's normal for it to take a year to conceive! I never thought it would take this long either! Don't give up hope.

[snsgirl336]

Oh Lynda, I'm so sorry that you are struggling right now. Please don't give up... It is easy to throw in the towel, but you are stronger than that! Please know that when things get too much to handle, we are all here for you.

I think Juli has expressed a lot of what I was thinking so perfectly... I know that I have been lucky to have "met" you and join you on what is probably the most personal and exciting (and frustrating) experiences of our lives. Try to have faith that you'll find your way through all of this heartache... and know that you have all of us to help you along the way!

[~Lynda~]

thanks gals, you've made me cry, and you've also given me somethings to think about. My doctor has offered to run some hormone level tests, even though she thinks i'm being impatient with having achieved a pregnancy already... but she told me that she is seeing my spirit die so she wants to help as much as possible. so i'm going to get those tests done and decide from there where I go. I'm hoping once AF packs her bags, i'll be able to saddle up again and have the heart to continue.

here is my real scare in this whole thing... one of my dearest friends has four children. she had three girls, one right after the other and then had a boy about a year ago. she told me she was done. that her husband got his son and that is it. well about a month ago, she told me that they reconsidered and they are going to try to have one more. i really love her alot, but if she gets pregnant, it will kill me to watch her pregnant and not be myself. i don't know how to shed this fear!!! i have no idea how i will deal with that when the time comes. i just keep hoping that i can get pregnant soon so when she does, it will be good. but i'm so afraid that is NOT the way it's going to happen...

anyway thanks for all your support. i know it is alot easier for me to help others than to need help. i think that might be true for most women. so thank you from the bottom of my heart. i will cry somemore and then i'll pick myself up and deal!!! HUGS all!!

[TTCagain]

Don't give up, Lynda! It WILL happen for you. I really think maybe your body is just still kind of "out of sorts" from your m/c and it just needs more time to readjust.

That's good that your doctor is going to run some hormone level tests---maybe something very simple and easily correctable will turn up! Who knows--it could just be that you need progesterone supplements or something!

Don't let AF get you down!

[richmond_girl]

I have a lot of friends who started TTC AFTER us and they're celebrating the holidays this year with baby in hand It's been so hard to watch our dear friends joyfully announce their pregnancies (and then their babies' births) and seeing our BFN month after month after month. And on top of the sadness, there's the guilt - of not being able to be 100% happy for them because part of me is just so tired and angry and sad and disappointed and wondering: "WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN??"

Kudos to ALL of us for still sticking around!! Lord knows we've had every reason in the world to give up, and yet we're ALL still going strong...

[SavaAngel]

Don't give up girl! If you need to take time off, do that, but if you really want another baby, you will make it happen. Will your OB still prescribe Clomid for you? I am thinking of you!