[snsgirl336]

Come one, Come all and see Cris and her amazing Dropping Temps! Not only can this girl drop .7 degrees in one day, she also can't seem to figure out how to get pregnant!!!

I'm 99% sure I'm out... I spotted very very lightly yesterday and today it's become heavier spotting. I really would like to call it light AF, but it's not a constant flow... it does have some small clots though. I'm not sure how to classify it on FF (Any thoughts would be appreciated).

WARNING- this next part may get longwinded... Advance at your own risk...

So, On to month 19 and cycle 20 for me. I know I said that I was going to be getting in to see my Dr about what has been going on (When I called him 2 weeks ago, the Dr told me to call when/if I got AF this cycle and they'd get me in ASAP), but DH and I have been talking a lot and he's just not ready to go that route. I really feel like I can't force him into it either if that makes sense. I know that most of the testing in the beginning would be on me only (although I'd like to just get him a SA done asap so we know if that's an issue- but I haven't told him that knowing how unsure of seeing the Dr he is). I guess what it comes down to is that he feels like he's not giving it his all right now (or for the past few months) as far as TTC. When I want to BD (and when it's a good fertile time for us), he's always tired, and turning me down. We do usually manage to get some BDing in right at the last minute and the timing turns out good, but it isn't quite what I would like or what I feel we should be doing to get pregnant. I mean we still have a good chance each cycle (according to FF ), but I would want us to have an excellent chance each time.

I know deep down that he's afraid to hear that there's something wrong with one of us (God knows I am, but we have to know!). He said that he wants to give it "one or 2 more months with him giving it 200% of ttc" (<-- His words exactly). Sucking up being tired, BDing even if he doesn't want to, taking his vitamins religiously, drinking more water, turning off the seat warmers in the car, etc.

How do/did I feel about all of this? Crushed...Um, you should have read my blog the night he first proposed this new scenario... Um, not for the faint of heart to put it mildly. In fact, I didn't publish the post because I wasn't sure it was appropriate (though I didn't delete it either). Every time we talked about the situation, I got angrier and angrier, and shed more and more tears. I felt it wasn't fair to me. I am so beyond ready to figure this out and he knows that, why does he want me to wait longer?

After him being gone for the weekend to a meeting out of town, I had a lot of time to do my thinking. I'm still kinda frustrated, but what it comes down to is, I really don't feel comfortable pushing him into doing something that he's not ready for. I wouldn't want him to do that to me, so I can't have a double standard. So, for now we will wait one or 2 more cycles. As long as he follows up on his promise to try 200%, I'll leave it be and we will revisit the topic if need be after the first month, but so help me God- if he slips up one time, the call will be made to the Dr and DH will be told to suck it up cause he lost his chance. (I know that sounds evil, but I'm hormonal and am on the brink of dealing with AF )

Am I crazy? Am I stupid for agreeing to this? Does it make sense to anyone? I just don't know... Maybe there's something to what he's saying, maybe if I know his whole heart is into this (not that it hasn't been this whole time, but you get what I'm saying), it'll be the thing that we need to get our BFP. Who knows.

So, I'll be here trying again this coming cycle and I'll definitely be leaning on you girls for support (and for you to keep me sane). I'll definitely keep you updated on how DH is doing with giving it his "200%"... although if you read a post that says I called my Dr, you'll know what happened!

Sorry this got to be so long, it wasn't my intention, but I did want to let you girls know what was going on with me and why I wasn't yet calling my Dr. If you made it through all this wacky post, Thank You! You deserve a cookie!

[~Lynda~]

oh i made it through the long post sister!!!! doesn't matter how long they are, i am here for you!!!!! i understand your situation. i think at first i would be upset, cause i like to have a plan and to stick to it. but i think after i gave it some thought, two more months really isn't long, and you're doing it for him. then if it doesn't work, you both can whole-heartedly enter ttc with medical assistance, together, connected!!!! that's important. i don't think you're crazy at all, i would do the same if i were in your shoes.

i hope AF stays away and you get the bfp either this cycle as a surprise or the next cycle, giving it 200%. just don't wear yourselves out. have fun and just enjoy each other!!!!

HUGS girl!!! KUP on AF and i hope she goes bye bye!!!!

[Christine-MA]

Oh Cris!

I noticed your ticker said 14dpo so I got all excited and stalked you. Then I obviously saw your temps had dropped and the spotting, and was crushed for you. I'm not sure how exactly I'd classify today, personally I'd probably just mark tomorrow AF if it continues.

You don't publish BD on your chart (and I'm not saying you should if you don't want to!), but I imagine you're not BD as often as you'd like at O time? But it sounds like you've gotten it in at least once at O time each cycle? So by giving his 200%, that's his plan? Probably BD few days before, day of, day after O?

I totally understand you not wanting to push him into testing, but I hate to think that it's been 19 cycles now...I think calling the Dr is definitely appropriate. I think twice right at O time gives you a very good shot, and if it's been that long, it may be time to see someone. Even if they don't find anything...I imagine that would make you feel so much better? But I know one or two more cycles isn't the end of the world either (I'm "voluntarily" postponing until April...because I'm trying to tell myself that's "just a few more months").

I don't actually know what RE's do in their first appointment, but if it's just blood work, I honestly don't see the harm in having it done. I hate to tell you that, seeing that you seem to be "okay" with waiting (well, not really...but it sounds like you respect that DH wants to wait and you are willing to do that for him), but I don't really see the harm is explaining to DH what is done at initial appointments. I can't imagine what his hesitation is except finding out something is "wrong". But if it is, wouldn't he much rather know now? Of the 19 cycles, there had to have been more than a few that he was giving 200% right?

I hope that doesn't come off as sounding bad, like I think there's something wrong! I just think you'd be so relieved to find out there isn't, or if it's something minor, I think you'd rather find out sooner than later, and get a BFP!

[SavaAngel]

I am so sorry Cris. I hope your DH keeps up with the deal, but I think you are in the right if he doesn't. My DH pulls the I am too tired sometimes too. This week we managed almost a week straight before he gave up on me. Good Luck - I hope you get your BFP without having to see the doctor.

[~April04~]

I'm so sorry Cris.. I honestly don't know if I would be able to wait any longer. I get that ya'll should be in it together and he wants to wait.. but still. I personally think 19 months is long enough.. It's something like 85% of couples conceive in 1 year and then it goes up to like 95% by 18 months... ya'll are past that mark kwim?

I know for me, I'm extremely happy that we didn't wait, because we do have serious infertility problems and it's highly unlikely that we'll conceive on our own.

[Bakin8th]

I am so sorry Af has found her way.

Ok I am going to be a bit of Hag here...

Makeing you wait even one or 2 more cycle after already doing so many is NOT fair to you..he ONLY needs a S/a simple as that its minor. Not to mention he has not after 20 months already put 200% in.

I think you have waited plenty and if anything go ahead and get yourself looked at so your all done when he decides to do his part. Infertility diagnosing should not be something that can be put off month after month. If there is prob you may regret all the wasted months ttcing and ifit a quick fix how fusterating to have waited month after month...

It could take about 2 cycle to do all the testing since blood work is done on specific days ect.

I know I sound b*tchy I do understand his wishes should be respected as making a baby takes 2 but Your wishes need to be respected too.

I hope that after he gives the 200% you find yourelf with a sticky BFP and dont need to worry about

[~*Jackie*~]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this (yet again)... Only you know what the right decision is for you both... and I am with you on the fact of not "pushing" DH, but at the same time, it's been 19 cycles... I can only support you in your decision, and know we're all here to encourage you to call your doctor if DH doesn't keep up on his deal with you.

I also want to reiterate something April said:

I know for me, I'm extremely happy that we didn't wait, because we do have serious infertility problems and it's highly unlikely that we'll conceive on our own.[/b]

Again, it's a personal decision, but if we hadn't gone through and started on the MA process back in June, we'd be starting at step 1... and you see unfortunately that hasn't gotten us too far yet. We'd be even more behind if we hadn't just gone ahead and had the SA done. The first appointment I had with my OB about infertility just resulted in some simple blood tests. The SA was the next step. Now we're at the next NEXT step with the HSG and a possible lap (more info on that soon), but that's nearly 7 months later.

Like I said, whatever your decision, we're here to support you.

[snsgirl336]

I just wanted to pop in real quick and let you all know that I'm not ignoring your comments at all... I've just been really busy and I want to take the time to read them all thoroughly!!! Thanks for taking the time to read through my post and responding. I promise I'll get to everything hopefully tomorrow!

[snsgirl336]

oh i made it through the long post sister!!!! doesn't matter how long they are, i am here for you!!!!! i understand your situation. i think at first i would be upset, cause i like to have a plan and to stick to it. but i think after i gave it some thought, two more months really isn't long, and you're doing it for him. then if it doesn't work, you both can whole-heartedly enter ttc with medical assistance, together, connected!!!! that's important. i don't think you're crazy at all, i would do the same if i were in your shoes.

i hope AF stays away and you get the bfp either this cycle as a surprise or the next cycle, giving it 200%. just don't wear yourselves out. have fun and just enjoy each other!!!!

HUGS girl!!! KUP on AF and i hope she goes bye bye!!!![/b]

Thank you Lynda... It's just a crazy situation where I'm not sure the two of us will be completely happy with whatever decision. Hopefully this extra cycle will be all we need though.

Oh Cris!

I noticed your ticker said 14dpo so I got all excited and stalked you. Then I obviously saw your temps had dropped and the spotting, and was crushed for you. I'm not sure how exactly I'd classify today, personally I'd probably just mark tomorrow AF if it continues.

You don't publish BD on your chart (and I'm not saying you should if you don't want to!), but I imagine you're not BD as often as you'd like at O time? But it sounds like you've gotten it in at least once at O time each cycle? So by giving his 200%, that's his plan? Probably BD few days before, day of, day after O?

I totally understand you not wanting to push him into testing, but I hate to think that it's been 19 cycles now...I think calling the Dr is definitely appropriate. I think twice right at O time gives you a very good shot, and if it's been that long, it may be time to see someone. Even if they don't find anything...I imagine that would make you feel so much better? But I know one or two more cycles isn't the end of the world either (I'm "voluntarily" postponing until April...because I'm trying to tell myself that's "just a few more months").

I don't actually know what RE's do in their first appointment, but if it's just blood work, I honestly don't see the harm in having it done. I hate to tell you that, seeing that you seem to be "okay" with waiting (well, not really...but it sounds like you respect that DH wants to wait and you are willing to do that for him), but I don't really see the harm is explaining to DH what is done at initial appointments. I can't imagine what his hesitation is except finding out something is "wrong". But if it is, wouldn't he much rather know now? Of the 19 cycles, there had to have been more than a few that he was giving 200% right?

I hope that doesn't come off as sounding bad, like I think there's something wrong! I just think you'd be so relieved to find out there isn't, or if it's something minor, I think you'd rather find out sooner than later, and get a BFP![/b]

Thanks for taking the time to add your thoughts Christine. I haven't published my BDing on my chart cause at first I didn't realize I hadn't, and then I just keep forgetting to add it. It's not like you guys are missing all that much by not seeing it! We, for the past few months have been BDing pretty much the day before O and the day of O (if we're lucky). The Holidays really made it difficult this past cycle... there were housefuls of people every where we were!

I think he knows that he needs to commit to seeing the Dr, but I'm sure a part of him is nervous. He's a smart guy and knows that I O regularly and have very regular cycles, so I think deep down he sees the problem being with him. Nothing like a hit to a man's ego when he thinks he can't make a baby, right? Not that it isn't any easier on a woman at all. It's a no-win situation either way and we're just simply letting our minds get the better of us. If we do have a problem, I'd rather the issue be with me, so I can take a brunt of the emotional stuff. I wouldn't want him to feel like he's letting me down or anything.

I definitely don't take anything you've said as anything bad... trust me! After this past weekend, I've come to the realization that it's only possibly 28 more days so I can handle that. Thanks again!

I am so sorry Cris. I hope your DH keeps up with the deal, but I think you are in the right if he doesn't. My DH pulls the I am too tired sometimes too. This week we managed almost a week straight before he gave up on me. Good Luck - I hope you get your BFP without having to see the doctor.[/b]

Thanks Christina for reading my crazy post! It gets hard to BD since DH works nights (10pm-7am) and sleeps during the day. I know that his schedule makes it really difficult and he's always tired. I always feel bad for waking him up just to BD, but he's pretty understanding about it, so that makes it a bit easier I guess. It gets exciting when you actually get them to go for a good run of BDing, doesn't it?

[snsgirl336]

I'm so sorry Cris.. I honestly don't know if I would be able to wait any longer. I get that ya'll should be in it together and he wants to wait.. but still. I personally think 19 months is long enough.. It's something like 85% of couples conceive in 1 year and then it goes up to like 95% by 18 months... ya'll are past that mark kwim?

I know for me, I'm extremely happy that we didn't wait, because we do have serious infertility problems and it's highly unlikely that we'll conceive on our own.[/b]

Thanks April. I appreciate reading your point of view and you make very good points. I completely get what you're saying about the statistics and us being past that point.I've told my DH these stats often along the way too. You're completely right that logically the steps we would be taking right now would be testing. I'm thinking that the path we're taking will just be drawn out a few weeks longer.

I am so sorry Af has found her way.

Ok I am going to be a bit of Hag here...

Makeing you wait even one or 2 more cycle after already doing so many is NOT fair to you..he ONLY needs a S/a simple as that its minor. Not to mention he has not after 20 months already put 200% in.

I think you have waited plenty and if anything go ahead and get yourself looked at so your all done when he decides to do his part. Infertility diagnosing should not be something that can be put off month after month. If there is prob you may regret all the wasted months ttcing and ifit a quick fix how fusterating to have waited month after month...

It could take about 2 cycle to do all the testing since blood work is done on specific days ect.

I know I sound b*tchy I do understand his wishes should be respected as making a baby takes 2 but Your wishes need to be respected too.

I hope that after he gives the 200% you find yourelf with a sticky BFP and dont need to worry about[/b]

Irene- thanks for replying! And please, don't worry- you're not sounding witchy or anything, you're being honest, and I appreciate that!
Among our many long winded conversations this week about what the "plan of attack" would be, DH mentioned that when we did go for testing, he wanted to request that he have a SA done right off the bat. It's covered by our insurance and we don't need any referrals, so just to knock that off the list asap is the plan while I get started with the fun stuff.
I don't think that I'll regret waiting, as it's something that is really important to my DH. I am trying to have faith that this is the route that someone has planned for us- that there's really a good reason that DH wants to wait.

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this (yet again)... Only you know what the right decision is for you both... and I am with you on the fact of not "pushing" DH, but at the same time, it's been 19 cycles... I can only support you in your decision, and know we're all here to encourage you to call your doctor if DH doesn't keep up on his deal with you.

I also want to reiterate something April said:

Again, it's a personal decision, but if we hadn't gone through and started on the MA process back in June, we'd be starting at step 1... and you see unfortunately that hasn't gotten us too far yet. We'd be even more behind if we hadn't just gone ahead and had the SA done. The first appointment I had with my OB about infertility just resulted in some simple blood tests. The SA was the next step. Now we're at the next NEXT step with the HSG and a possible lap (more info on that soon), but that's nearly 7 months later.

Like I said, whatever your decision, we're here to support you.
[/b]

Thanks Jackie...I know that it can be a long drawn out process with the testing and stuff, but my Dr said that when we do come in, he's going to be fairly aggressive about getting things done. (I know that certain things have to be done at certain times though). And like I mentioned above, we're going to have a SA done on DH right away too. Hopefully DH knows something I don't though and we'll get it this cycle while we wait
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and also for the support.

[snsgirl336]

I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate that you all took the time to read and respond to my post. It really means a lot to have you guys in my corner. I can tell that you guys are really looking out for me and are hoping for what's best. I'm very appreciative of that. I really do value all of your opinions and thoughts. It means a lot that you're honest and really aren't sugar coating anything.

DH and I have had a LOT of long conversations about his and we decided that we don't think there is really a perfect solution to any of this. All we can do it try to talk it out and compromise. Am I ready to move forward? Yes, but all he's asking for is 28 more days. If that's what he needs to go into this with a clear head and full determination, I'll be ok with that.

On a side note, Since he's come home from his weekend meeting out of town, he's been very anxious to start the ball rolling on this cycle... he's telling me all the things he's been reading, how he's remembered his vitamins everyday, how he freezes his butt off in the car with the icy cold leather seats cause I asked him to keep the darn heaters off (hey- you never know, right!). It's really nice to see him excited... it reminds me of when we first started trying. I have good faith that he'll be following through with his 200% promise. I know he realizes how I compromised for him and he's been very sweet about thanking me and doing nice things to show his appreciation.

Again, thank you girls so much. I don't know where I'd be without you!!!

[Bakin8th]

I am so glad you have come to place of planning and moveing ahead!

I really wish you the best of luck and fast sticky BFP!!!

[Christine-MA]

I'm glad you had a good conversation about it and came to a resolution!

[snsgirl336]

I am so glad you have come to place of planning and moveing ahead!

I really wish you the best of luck and fast sticky BFP!!![/b]

Thanks!! I'm hoping for that fast sticky BFP for all of us!!!

I'm glad you had a good conversation about it and came to a resolution! [/b]

We really did have a good conversation this time around! I think we both are feeling a bit better about things. He even suggested that I call to make an appointment so that if we do need it we can get in right away. Whew! I've been waiting to hear that sentence for a while now! I'll be calling the Dr tomorrow after my job interview! Praise the Lord!

[richmond_girl]

Cris - I'm sorry I wasn't here to respond!! It looks like you got some great advice and were able to reach a nice compromise with DH. Your DH is really lucky to have you. I hope you'll get a BFP in the next 2 cycles, but if you don't, at least you know in your heart that both of you gave it your all and it's ok to ask for help now. Maybe that knowledge will also help bring you peace if you ever need to make a decision about MA.

[snsgirl336]

Thank you Juli! Please don't apologize for not replying, I know how much you've had going on!
I'm hoping that we do get our BFP this cycle, so it won't even be an issue!

Oh darl 2 months isn't to long at least then you will both be ready. If something is wrong which im praying for your sake there is nothing but just incase if he is ready for it yous can help each other through it. Plus it cant hurt having a couple of months of him giving 200%...

[snsgirl336]

Thanks! I know that a few months (most likely just the one more cycle) isn't the end of the world, but when it's been 19 months of disappointments, I'm just ready to find out what the heck is going on! I think that was one of the bigger issues I had when my DH suggested this! I'll be happy that if it comes to MA, then I know he'll be on board completely after this!

[Ads]

hey Chris...i am slowly cacthing up with all the posts .I am glad that u and ur hubby came to a resolution.19 months is really a long time.Before we started TTC we got some things checked( i had blood work and hubby SA),just to be sure everything was fine.the blood work showed i had ovulated and SA results came out good.after that we started to TTC.and can u believ i hav'nt ovulated after that . So its better to find out what preventing you from that BFP.
I hope you get ur BFP really soon and i will keep you in my thoughts. lots of HUGS and HUGS and HUGS.

[snsgirl336]

Aww, thank you! I know that waiting an extra month at first wasn't anything I wanted to consider, but I've made my peace with it and now I'm already 7 days into this cycle (only 20 or so more days to go!) Hopefully we'll get our BFP this time around, but if not, we'll be on our way to some answers for sure!!!