please help

#1 January 27th, 2009, 04:06 PM

my Dp and i are really stressed at the moment! i think him more so then me... we both know that if we are going to get pregnant it needs to be now while my disease is in remission as the chance of miscarrage and birth defects are trippled when my disease is active. we are that stressed out that we are fighting all the time. i love him with all my heart but im finding it extremly hard to cope. i hate fighting with anyone let alone the love of my life. he has been so good all the way through this and now its like he has just given up. does anyone have any ideas on what i can do to de-stress us? does anyone else get like this?

KDD · #2 January 27th, 2009, 04:23 PM

How about going for a massage or a pedicure? Or have DP take you out on a date night.

Jarheadwed · #3 January 27th, 2009, 08:25 PM

I think only one thing can defuse some stresses between spouses: attacking the stress as a team

I think you should sit him down, and tell him very openly how you feel. Talk to him about how rushed you feel, about how just like him you want it so badly, and tell him any fears you have. Together think up a plan b- what happens if we don't get pregnant right now? What are our options? What are our options after that? Sometimes just having a plan and regrouping so you both remember you are on the same page can really renew your spirits.

My DH and I do get like this too, on things other than the stressful act of getting pregnant. We sit down and we talk about it, in depth. I tell him my fears and my hurts and my insecurities. He tells me his upsets too. We come up with a plan as to how we can make the situation better. We reaffirm that with each other is where we want to be. And we usually try to make sure within a day or two of a big serious talk, we go on a fun special date. For example, the last time we fought, the next day after we sorted it out we bought tickets to see a play at the local college. It was cheap, fun, and something more special than a standard date.

Hang in there honey! Let me know how it goes.

snsgirl336 · #4 January 27th, 2009, 09:10 PM

I'm sorry there's some strain going on for you guys! Generally when my DH and I get stressed about anything (including TTC), we make sure to communicate about it. We can read each other and know when we need to have a talk. Definitely be honest with each other.

I say sign yourselves up for a nice couples massage and a nice dinner afterward. Or try changing things up a bit and have a night away from home in a nice motel (even if it's in your hometown!). Just a simple change of scenery can do wonders sometimes!

I'm sure you guys will work through this and come out stronger once you do!

drewbears · #5 January 28th, 2009, 07:21 AM

I agree with the other ladies!

Destressing isn't easy, but putting in an effort to try can help a ton!

We are stressed here, only im the one more stressed and I am so snippy at DH. I hate being like that.... but after talking with him and telling him all that was going on and how I felt it seemed to help a lot.

I will be thinking of you!

Chin up sweetie!

#6 January 28th, 2009, 04:52 PM

thanks for your advice girls. we had a great big long talk about everything last night. turns out the main thing worrying him was he didn't know how we were going to afford IVF if we will need and he didn't want to tell me because he thought it would upset me... something as simple as puting a budget in place fixed the problem. by the time we are ready to go that route we should be able to afford it and if we dont need to than we will have money there for when the baby comes.I will take him out for dinner tomorrow night as we are going to the city to see my nan.
thanks again