[margo1973]

Last Thursday was my 2nd wedding anniversary and I had a horrible cold so DH and I cancelled our romantic plans and ended up going out for burgers and milkshakes. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself about the cold and having to start Clomid next month.

I told DH that we should discuss what we will do if the Clomid doesn't work. Of cause, his first response was that we will cross that bridge when we come to it but I kept insisting that we discuss it to figure out if we are on the same page. We discussed IUI/IVF/ injectible drugs and adoption. Just as I suspected DH really had no clue what these involve both physically or financially. I basically wanted to know if he thinks we should keep trying no matter what, whether we should try adoption instead or whether we should just stop activelly TTC and go on with our lives. We didn't reach any decisions but it was good to openly talk about it and voice my fears. Basically, DH said that he would be supportive of whatever I would want to do but I can tell that he was pretty horrified by what is involved in IVF (as am I). I was surprised that he was open to adoption.

Have you discussed options with your DH/SO? How did it go? Did they have any strong feeling and opinions?

[iamkc]

Aw, Margo, I know that it's a difficult conversation to have, but I'm glad you did! Does it give you new hope that he's open to adoption? I think that I had that feeling when DH and I were discussing the whole TTC thing.

When he and I first met, before we were really friends, and way before we were dating, he told me that he wanted to raise kids with me. I laughed it off, pretty much, and told him I wasn't having kids. One night at dinner (again, before we were dating), he brought it up again and I told him that I'd been told by a couple of different docs that I wouldn't be able to have kids, but that I wanted them and I'd end up adopting. After we started dating and it became evident that I could get pregnant, but would have trouble carrying, we had the talk again. He was pretty hesitant about adoption. I'm not sure why--he never really explained it. When I pointed out that his dad adopted his half-sister and there has never been any question that she's HIS daughter, he was on board. We decided to try, though, knowing that it would be painful and difficult for both of us. After looking into it, he still wants to adopt at some point, whether we have kids of our own or not. Our agreement is just that we both go into it with our eyes open, knowing that it could take a while to get a child, that it costs a lot of money, and that we have to do certain things to be considered. As for IVF and IUI, we decided against those completely. Not just because of what's involved, but because we decided that that money would be better spent on adopting. This is just what we deem best for ourselves, of course. (I have nothing against these procedures for other women!!!)

I'm glad that you talked about it and I hope that you both keep mulling it over. I think that it's wonderful that you're both on the same page at this point and that whatever you choose leads you to getting the children you want!!!!

[crowdreamer]

Actually we just had this discussion the other day. We've talked off and on about our options in the past, but I wanted to make sure we both knew what choices were ahead. We will try the IUI's in a few months if it doesn't happen naturally, and if the lap doesn't solve anything. As for IVF's, it's gonna depend on whether we can afford it or not, which will depend on whether or not insurance will pay for any of it. We talked about starting the adoption process around the same time as starting IVF, if necessary, so that we could get a headstart on it.

The only thing DH really doesn't want to try is sperm donation, but I don't think that will be necessary anyway because his sa didn't show any huge red flags.

Hopefully none of this will be necessary and this will be our month, and yours too!

[margo1973]

Thanks for sharing. I know these are very personal decisions. I normally discuss pretty much everything with DH but this was a hard topic (although made somewhat easier by very large chocolate milkshakes).

Iamkc, first let me say congratulations on the 10 weeks! I read that every week after 8 weeks, is a milestone in terms of decreased risks. Although I am not ready to rule out IVF completely, I don't think it's something I would want to try. The financial and physical aspects are part of it, but I am mostly scared of the emotional aspects of it. I am afraid that at some point it will all just make me an unhappy person who is unable to enjoy her life as it is.

Crowdreamer, I think doing IVF while at the same time starting the adoption process is a good idea. I know my insurance doesn't cover IVF at all so it would all have to come out of our savings/RRSPs. Fortunately here in Canada the costs are about half of costs in the US. I didn't discuss sperm donation with DH casue I don't think it's an issue for us but I wonder now what he would say about it. Good luck this month!

[groovie]

I actually tried to talk about this with Dh the other day. He responded just like your DH , "we'll cross that bridge when we get there." But I pushed on, although we still didn't really get anything accomplished at least it's something he's thought about since I brought it up. I really don't think he thinks we'll need to do "drastic" as he says. We'll see.

[compassiongrl75]

My DH is adopted and so I thought he would be more open to the idea of that then most men. Boy was I wrong, he doesn't even want to discuss it right now. He wants us to keep plugging away. I just finished provera for 10 days but still no AF and I am so frustrated right now b/c I am supposed to start clomid this cycle. I guess I will have to call my doctor and find out what to do...usually I start within a couple of days

Anyway, what I really wanted to say, sorry to have rambled, was that I was reading an article in the Conceive magazine and it talked about how a lot of women who want IVF are taking vacations south of the border or to Canada b/c it is so much cheaper there and just as reliable/risky. I thought that was interesting.

[crowdreamer]

Yeah that is interesting about people crossing the border to get an IVF. I don't think it would be an option for me because I live smack dab in the middle of the U.S. so it would cost more to drive up (or down) there. Probably several hundred in gas and motels, although I could see the benefit if it saved thousands on the procedure.

Margo, I don't know if I'll do adoption at the same time as IVF or not, I guess it depends on the costs associated with each. If I had to pay a huge sum up front for the adoption I could see waiting until the IVF treatments are done. I guess I'll just wait and see, there's still time for it to happen naturally.

[Mom2_3mb4]

We dont have options to discuss. All of it has been taken out of our hands. My doctors have impossed a time limit on us. I've been put on Clomid for now and we'll keep going till either I get pregnant or the time limit is up. Our only option due to the time limit is the Clomid.

DH isn't happy about having the time limit but he'll deal with it if we don't get pregnant.

[bookwormmommy]

DH and I have been talking about this too. Right now we are going ahead with IUI because it is relatively inexpensive ($1500--but 70% reimbursed by insurance.) I am having a moral dilemma for anything beyond that. I sort of feel that there are so many children who need families that it is crazy to throw all of our money at a procedure that has such a low success rate. The IUI is bad enough--if everything goes perfectly we will have an 18% chance of getting pregnant. "Normal" couples get a 20-25% chance each month. So I don't know. DH would like us to save up $5000 and try the IUI three cycles in a row (as opposed to saving up $1500 at a time and having several months in between tries.) Then, he said we could try it and if it didn't work, we would have approximately $3500 to use toward IVF or adoption. It's all so crazy--My head starts to spin whenever I think about it for too long. Good luck to those trying to decide all of this.

[margo1973]

DH and I have been talking about this too. Right now we are going ahead with IUI because it is relatively inexpensive ($1500--but 70% reimbursed by insurance.) I am having a moral dilemma for anything beyond that. I sort of feel that there are so many children who need families that it is crazy to throw all of our money at a procedure that has such a low success rate. The IUI is bad enough--if everything goes perfectly we will have an 18% chance of getting pregnant. "Normal" couples get a 20-25% chance each month. So I don't know. DH would like us to save up $5000 and try the IUI three cycles in a row (as opposed to saving up $1500 at a time and having several months in between tries.) Then, he said we could try it and if it didn't work, we would have approximately $3500 to use toward IVF or adoption. It's all so crazy--My head starts to spin whenever I think about it for too long. Good luck to those trying to decide all of this. [/b]

What is the success rate with IVF, do you know? I always assumed it was fairly high casue the eggs are already fertilized.

Good luck with the IUI! Hopefully you won't need anything else.

[bookwormmommy]

I think I read that it was around 30% on one of the Fertility Clinic websites but I am not positive--I have read a lot of percentages lately!

[Kole'sMom]

Dh and I talked about it too. He said he is open to whatever I want to do but I've decided for myself that I will not do IVF. The success rate is very sporatic, usually around 20-30% from what I hear. I had a friend go through it and it almost ripped them apart emotionally and financially. She did have twins but it was a terrible pg and they had to remortgage their home to pay for it and she was a wreck the whole time she was on the injectibles etc. I'm sure it is the right choice for many people, just not for me. I already have a 5 year old ds so I am SO lucky!!!!!! I will try clomid for three months and if it doesn't work I will stop taking it and go on with life without taking b/c. Whatever happens happens, I figure another child will just be icing on the cake and in the meanwhile I will enjoy the little boy I am so lucky to have. Good luck to all of you.

[iamkc]

Wow, Dawn...I didn't know that all this was in the works! Congrats! I hope that IUI works the first time and that nothing else is needed. How great would that be?!

To all of you: good luck! These are big steps and I certainly hope that you get your baby from this, one way or another.

I've also read that success rates vary, about 20-30%. There are some clinics and docs with higher because they limit more their candidates' qualifications. You might want to ask someone from your own clinic/office about their success rate.

Worked for Lilah (autumnsun) first time!

[bookwormmommy]

Thanks Jessica-But it will be awhile before we actually get to it. I have NO money in savings right now. So it will be at least a year before we actually go through with the IUI--especially since we are not getting any money back on taxes! For now we are going to just keep bd'ing at the right times and hope to get lucky.

[iamkc]

Thanks Jessica-But it will be awhile before we actually get to it. I have NO money in savings right now. So it will be at least a year before we actually go through with the IUI--especially since we are not getting any money back on taxes! For now we are going to just keep bd'ing at the right times and hope to get lucky.[/b]

Sounds like a good plan to me!!! It IS expensive. Some insurance policies will cover part of it--is yours one of them, by chance?

And BOO! on not getting money back in taxes. I think we're getting back VERY little (like, under $50). Sucks. We'll have dinner at McD's on the IRS! And, hey, we may have enough for friends--wanna join? Hehe.

[bookwormmommy]

I'll totally be there--we can order off the dollar menu. I am lucky-My insurance covers 70% of treatments but the clinic doesn't take my insurance so...we have to come up with the cash and then file w/ insurance ourselves to get reimbursed. So I can't complain too much--And I guess waiting isn't the end of the world. Gives us more time to pay off our old debt.

[TwoSweetGirls]

My fertility place has a 40-50% (closer to 50% though)chance of success. I was also told by my RE that "normal" couples only have a 15-20% success rate of getting pg. I will be starting IUI on my next cycle, probably around March 1st!

[margo1973]

My fertility place has a 40-50% (closer to 50% though)chance of success. I was also told by my RE that "normal" couples only have a 15-20% success rate of getting pg. I will be starting IUI on my next cycle, probably around March 1st![/b]

That's what I thought that it was close to 50%.

Good luck with the IUI next month.

[iamkc]

Dawn--I HATE reimbursement insurance!!! Can't stand it! Sorry that you have to save up.

Nikki--good luck this next cycle! I hope you'll keep us informed on how it's going!!!

All the rest, sending baby dust your way (and to Dawn and Nikki, too, of course)!