[snsgirl336]

I'm likely out for this month and I'm only 4dpo (apparently). I finally had time to put in my temps for the past week and I got CH's for CD 12 (Wednesday). I am so mad. I never O that early. I had none of my normal body signs at all. In fact, I had more of my normal signs on Friday, but even playing with my temps over the next few days my CH's stay where they are.

I was hoping to start the BD marathon on Monday or Tuesday, but with so much going on (funeral and Lacrosse and other stuff) we only got 2 BDs in this whole week- Wednesday and Thursday. I figured that as long as we started on Wed (CD 12) and went every day through today (Sun CD 16) we would have covered our bases since I normally O CD13-15. Not that it would have mattered, but Friday, DH was too tired and last night he fell asleep again. I spent an hour trying to wake him both Friday and Saturday, but it was useless. (And apparently wouldn't have even been worth it).

I am just so freakin' tired of life getting in the way for us. It's been 21 months of trying (and trying and trying) and it always seems like there's something. If these things didn't keep crawling in, we'd probably be fine, but it seems that every day is something else. Why is the universe so against us getting pregnant? I was so hopeful that since we knew that he got good results from the SA, he'd be more relaxed and we'd get it this cycle. Last time I checked, you have to BD to get pregnant right (with out certain MA that is)??? I miss being with my husband- even when it's not O time.

There is no temp for today because I didn't take it. We were staying at my in-laws and at 3am, my FIL had to be taken to the hospital with chest pains. He is fine- he's got an infection on the incision where they cracked his chest for his heart surgery. I stayed up until 2:30am trying to get DH to BD, barely fell asleep and then was at the hospital until 6am when they admitted him. I went back home, but had to take care of the dogs and never went back to sleep.

I'm so sorry for being so whiny, but I just went from so hopeful with the test results last week to so flippin' low right now. I feel like this is never going to happen and I wonder why I'm wasting my time and money (cause the SA and HSG are gonna have to come out of our pockets at this point) if the stupid world doesn't want us to have babies. I hope I'll feel different tomorrow, but at this point I feel like I'm just done with it all and that makes me even sadder.

[LisaBrown]

I totaly feel you! I'm having one of those days too! Today is CD 55 and still a BFN! I'm going crazy taking tests every day or 2 and I know it will probably just have the same outcome and AF is not coming because I stress so much, probably. But at least the board has been helping me out today, reading everyone's posts, especially yours!

Hang in there! And I'm with you: people who say it will come when your not trying obviously never had to try that hard! It's the last thing you want to hear in a crazy time like this!

And I hope the FIL is fine and your family gets some much needed relaxing time and you and the DH can get back to some TLC...and maybe some BD!

[Ash]

Cris, I am so sorry you are frustrated and hurting! I know that there is nothing that anyone can say to make you feel better! We are here for you girl, and if your are really feeling "done with it all" maybe taking a little break would do you some good mentally and emotionally. I know that I am really starting to feel like I need one too!

[Clare]

[**Jenn**]

*HUGS* I'm so sorry you're hurting over this right now. I've been there and I know how much it really sucks! We tried a very long time before I got pregnant with Liam (28 months) and the month we got pregnant we were actually on a "break" and dh had a pull out mishap. I wish I knew why it worked from a brief slip up and all those other months were a complete bust! Your time will come, I wish I could say when, but it will come. Maybe stepping back and taking a breather will refresh you for next cycle or maybe even the one after. I have zero hope for this cycle too and I'm also 4 DPO--dh had a cold and didn't want to bd so the closest we did it was 4 days before O.

[KDD]

[SavaAngel]

I am so sorry. Big Hugs to you - I think we all feel that way though at some point or another. Do you use OPK's? If you aren't using clomid you can start them as soon as AF leaves. If you use clomid, it will cause false positives. They are expensive, but I swear the OPK's has saved my sanity sometimes cause I know the stick will tell me when I am close to Oing (but I also go by my body signs). When my OPK is positive - we BD, whether DH or I are tired or not.

Maybe you will be surprised. I hope tomorrow is better for you!

I am so sorry. Big Hugs to you - I think we all feel that way though at some point or another. Do you use OPK's? If you aren't using clomid you can start them as soon as AF leaves. If you use clomid, it will cause false positives. They are expensive, but I swear the OPK's has saved my sanity sometimes cause I know the stick will tell me when I am close to Oing (but I also go by my body signs). When my OPK is positive - we BD, whether DH or I are tired or not.

Maybe you will be surprised. I hope tomorrow is better for you!

[~*Jackie*~]

I'm so so sorry, Cris.... Just know we are here for you no matter what. HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS. I can tell you that I could have written almost all of your emotions yesterday.

[Soape]

A big hug to you right now. I don't think that the universe is out to do that to you. It just feels that wat sometimes when things don't quite go the way that we want them to. I'm truly sorry that you are having a hard time. I pray that tomorrow when you wake up that you will feel better. Keep the hope up. It will happen one day.

[~Lynda~]

Hugs in a big way hun!!! i'm having a bad cycle too!!! very very frustrated!!! maybe we can help pick each other up!!!!

[Hopingfor1soon]

So I am thinking it must have been the month for frustrating cycles!! I am so sorry though Cris! I know it will happen for you soon!! And I am keeping my fingers crossed too!!!

[richmond_girl]

Hugs Cris... I will keep my fingers crossed for you even though you feel "out" this cycle. I remember sethsgirl (colleen) got her BFP after 14 months, in the cycle where they only BD'd once (I have no idea why I remember this). So there's always hope, as long as you ARE BD'ing sometime in that fertile window...

[snsgirl336]

Thank you so much girls! I know you guys would understand and I hope you didn't mind my vent. I took a few days away from the boards (Not intentionally- I'm just that busy) and it helped a little bit though I'm still not quite my normal optimistic self, I'm doing better.

I just re-read my post and can we say "drama queen"? Oh my Gosh- it was pretty whiny. I'm usually an upbeat positive person, but when I do get down, look out! I know that the world isn't out to get me, but that's just the way it felt the other day.

It's crazy that I O'ed so early! I just don't get it. Oh well. I used OPKs for the first 15 or so cycles, and I got such predictable results, I decided to give them up and save some dinero. My Dr even said that looking at my charts and knowing my body signs, they wouldn't really be necessary anymore! Oops! Guess not!

I talked with DH and I think we're both ok with keeping things low key over the next cycle or two. It just seems like we're so busy, we don't need to add to the stress we're already under. That means we're gonna postpone the HSG for now. I finally stowed away what I hope is enough money to cover it (still haven't gotten a straight answer on the cost), but it'll just collect some interest while we wait. I know that it seems like a step back after finally taking some steps forward, but I think for my mental state I need it. If we aren't really trying, then I can't really get disappointed, right? (Well, we'll see about that )

Now, I know myself, and we'll see how well our "mini-break" works... I'm very confident that it won't and I'll be back TTC like normal right away, but we'll give it a shot.

Thanks for being there for me. It really means a lot. I know I've been really complain-y lately and I promise to work on getting back to the positive happy Cris. But thanks for putting up with me in the mean time!