This is going to sound terrible

Phoenix Rising · #1 February 19th, 2006, 06:49 PM

sometimes feel like you are going to choke on your congratulations when yet again someone else is pregnant and it isnt you?

I am really feeling like this lately and while I am *trying* to be happy for them, I also feel angry because it isnt me. I feel like its never going to be me and I dont like feeling this way.

Do I finally need to just accept that its not in Gods plans for us and let the dream go? Do I persist and hurt month after month after month when its not happening for us? I feel terrible thinking this way - I have three daughters. Who I am to begrudge another persons happiness?

Dang it I just feel so out of my control - like I cant control my destiny and God isnt giving me any answers as to whether or not another child is in the future and I feel like I cant continue just being faithful and putting my trust in him that it will happen. I NEED to know one way or the other.

I feel like he isnt listening... I have tried just trusting. I have tried praying and asking for an answer - and I was willing to accept whatever it was just to finally KNOW and have peace. But there is nothing but silence.

I am so tired... oh so tired.

instant_oatmeal · #2 February 19th, 2006, 07:10 PM

I do feel like this sometimes but then a lot of times I feel really happy because so many people deserve it. I used to feel like that all the time right after I lost the baby but its gotten better.

rinty68 · #3 February 20th, 2006, 02:22 AM

Mostly i am so happy for women who fall pg.
Sometimes the green eyed monster rears its ugly head...
But we are ttc our 1st and i yearn to be a mother.
I really wish i had a child already

Sarah

Momof3lads · #4 February 20th, 2006, 02:42 AM

I know exactly what you mean, I have 3 sons, and I know that I should just be happy with what I have, but I have this yearning in my heart for a daughter, I don't begrudge other people their BFP's but by god do I get jealous that it's not mine.

Jay xx

BobbiC · #5 February 20th, 2006, 05:24 AM

I know how you feel. I feel the same way. I have 3 girls but long for a boy. I hope some day it will happen for all of us.

Mom2_3mb4 · #6 February 20th, 2006, 06:47 AM

I feel this way as well. I have 3 girls and had a boy which I miss terribly. I am getting tired as well....really tired. I have this terrible feeling that my time limit will be the end of this as its coming soon.

My temps are low today as they've been dropping and I just know that AF is going to show. I am worried about having to take 100mg of Clomid.

Deep down I am hoping that Peaches the psychic is right and maybe May will be it. I hope so as thats when I turn 40 and makes the limit almost up. UGH!

Sorry if this offends anyone but my biggest beef is those who have 11, 12 or more kids....like this one woman I saw on tv who had 16 kids....and keeps having more. On the show they had 14 and were pregnant with 15 by the end of the show she had 15 and then 16. I think why her and not me. It seems so unfair...really.

HUGS for all of us. I hope we do get our BFPs.

celestialblue · #7 February 20th, 2006, 02:26 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I want a child so badly...we've been trying for 3 years, 4 months now. When we first started, I knew it was time to try, because seeing a little kid, or a baby, would bring tears of happiness to my eyes, and give me the biggest smile. Now when I see those little kids, I still get tears in my eyes, but it's sadness from not having one of my own.

And when I hear that someone I know is pregnant, it just makes me really sad. Someone I used to
be really close to, told me recently that she and her husband of around a year, are going to start trying. I told her good luck, but I couldn't help but be resentful.

It hurts even more to see someone get pregnant who didn't want to...

It's been really rough on me the last few months.

MarieJ · #8 February 20th, 2006, 04:35 PM

Hi, just snooping from the Oct DDC. I wish I had found JM when we were TTC for 16 months starting in May 04. I took Clomid for 1 cycle last July, got pg and had a m/c Oct 20th. I know how hard it was for me to be happy for other people. I didn't acknowledge pregnant co-workers and limited my contact with pg friends. Each time someone else told me they were trying, I knew in my heart they would be handed a baby before I ever would. We were getting sick of trying, we had wanted a baby so badly at first but last summer we were wondering if maybe we weren't meant to be parents. It was even harder after the m/c, as I watched other bellies growing around me. Both times(with Clomid help, of course), by the time I started to imagine my life without a baby, and feeling alright with that, I found myself pregnant-now I'm just hoping this bean will stick. Good luck to all of you, there is always hope-I was in your shoes six months ago.
Marie

Bunny · #9 February 20th, 2006, 06:33 PM

Quote:

sometimes feel like you are going to choke on your congratulations when yet again someone else is pregnant and it isnt you?

I am really feeling like this lately and while I am *trying* to be happy for them, I also feel angry because it isnt me. I feel like its never going to be me and I dont like feeling this way.

Do I finally need to just accept that its not in Gods plans for us and let the dream go? Do I persist and hurt month after month after month when its not happening for us? I feel terrible thinking this way - I have three daughters. Who I am to begrudge another persons happiness?

Dang it I just feel so out of my control - like I cant control my destiny and God isnt giving me any answers as to whether or not another child is in the future and I feel like I cant continue just being faithful and putting my trust in him that it will happen. I NEED to know one way or the other.

I feel like he isnt listening... I have tried just trusting. I have tried praying and asking for an answer - and I was willing to accept whatever it was just to finally KNOW and have peace. But there is nothing but silence.

I am so tired... oh so tired.[/b]

I just wanted to encourage you that children are in God's plan for us. It took us 9 months to conceive our first child, and we began wondering the same thing-Is it God's will for us to have children, but now we know what the Bible says about His will concerning conception. There's a book "Supernatural Childbirth." This is a small but powerful book, and it will show you exactly how God feels about you having more children. There is no doubt that it's God's will for you to have children.

Also, have you and your spouse been to the chiropractor for adjustments? I've heard testimonies of chiropractic care helping with conception. Sometimes our bodies are simply not alligned properly for our organs to work properly. Hope this helps.

Love,
Bunny

Phoenix Rising · #10 February 21st, 2006, 06:01 PM

Thank you everyone - first off for not judging me. I have those periods in time where I am feeling sorry for myself but eventually I get over it and can honestly be HAPPY for those who are finally getting their BFP. I am starting to feel that way again now.

Bunny - no I havent ever been to the chiropracter maybe thats something I should check out! Thanks.

iamkc · #11 February 22nd, 2006, 01:04 PM

Oh, I don't think that anyone would judge you at all! You feel what you feel...you can't help that. (And I'm sure you're level-headed enough not to go screaming at pregnant people telling them that it shouldn't be them, etc.) It hurts to see everyone pass you by, whether you've been trying a couple of weeks or a few years. And I don't know that anyone would think that you're ungrateful for your beautiful girls...YOU know when your family is complete and what you need/want.

Good luck, Sherri...and (((HUGS)))