on the urge of an emotional break down

trying41more · #1 May 30th, 2009, 07:15 PM

AF just showed up.. all day I kind had this feeling like she was here.. but all day nothing.. so I figured it was just a belly ache or something.. nope i was worng.. well I had my dream last weekend..(the dream I have before AF never falls but to show up..and she usually shows up 5-7 days after I have this dream..weird I know)

My heart just shunk so down to the tip of my toes when I saw AF was here.. I started crying.. I HATE ttc.. esp. #2 (when Gracie was a surprise..not that that was a bad thing vb/c she is a blessing) I see newborn babies every time I go out.. I see pregnant women all over the place (esp. this lady thats a mom for one of the girls that was in Gracies class.. she is going to have her baby any day now) my SIL is pregnant.. which was unplanned.. We have so much to pay for this upcomming month.. I have no time or extra money to go to the dr.. I know I have to..I doubt we will even get pregnant if we dont.. I have tried temping.. charting..counting days(I'm done trying to guess how long my cycle days last each month..and trying to time when I O each month either) these last 3 cycles in a row were 21day, 25day and again (this last one) 25day. (AF showing up on CD25)

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!

I just want to lay in my bed all curled up and cry until there are no tears left to cry out..

I have even changed my diet.. been taking my vitms. everyday.. etc..watching everything I eat.. and make sure it's healthy..

I do not think I will ever get to hold my 2nd child in my arms and Gracie will be an only child for the rest of her life!!! This will never happen..I WANT TO BE PREGNANT AND HAVE MY BABY TOO!!!

I know everyone here feels the same as I do.. and I know some thing "well atleaste you have a kid already" it is just as hard when you know you could get pregnant so easy the first time and have such a hard time the 2nd time around.. It's almost makes you feel like you body is broken and it forget what to do..

Well on to CD1 again .. something better happen soon Or I'm giving up!!!

KDD · #2 May 30th, 2009, 08:25 PM

I'm sorry that AF showed Jade.

SavaAngel · #3 May 30th, 2009, 08:37 PM

I know how you feel - AJ was a surprise for us too! And we are getting tests done and they are all coming back normal so far. Big HUGS and prayers to you! I am in the same shoes as you!

~*Jackie*~ · #4 May 30th, 2009, 08:37 PM

I'm so sorry...

Just know we can all relate and are here to lean on! (Your new siggy is super cute by the way)

More hugs

hearts.0nfire · #5 May 30th, 2009, 09:58 PM

I'm sorry.

trying41more · #6 May 31st, 2009, 04:20 AM

thanks girls.. i had such a hard time sleeping last night.. i had a lot on my mind. it helps to have you girls here to care and help me thru this. (thanks about the siggy comment Jackie.. i made it the other day.

)

LisaBrown · #7 May 31st, 2009, 04:50 AM

I'm so sorry Jade! TTC is such a rollercoaster ride! And it just doesn't seem fair either, people get pg without trying while others try for years! It is by far the most frustrating thing I've ever been through too, and I know many of us feel that way! Big hugs!!!

~Lynda~ · #8 May 31st, 2009, 06:24 AM

oh hun, i feel your pain. My Gillian was an "oops" baby too!!! now here i sit, two miscarriages later wondering if it will ever be my turn!!! you are not alone!!!! which isn't all that comforting when AF comes. I really think there is some truth to stressing ourselves out of having another child. my acupuncturist said that the ladies she treats for fertility are obsessed and creating negative energy. she went through this whole talk with me about "letting it go" and "leaving it in God's hands" - She told me that the stress of AF coming can be equal to the stress of a loss of life and will reek havoc on our ability to conceive. so we gotta just let it go and it will probably happen!! you do hear, alot of pregnancies occur when couples aren't trying!!! so let's do this together, deep breath!!!! repeat after me... I will trust in God and have faith that he will deliver!!! AND SO WILL WE!!!!

HUGS girl!!! I want us ALL to get our bfps together. we deserve it!!!

snsgirl336 · #9 May 31st, 2009, 09:59 AM

I'm so sorry that AF came and you're hurting emotionally right now. Try to have faith that your time will come (hopefully really soon).

trying41more · #10 May 31st, 2009, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Lynda~

oh hun, i feel your pain. My Gillian was an "oops" baby too!!! now here i sit, two miscarriages later wondering if it will ever be my turn!!! you are not alone!!!! which isn't all that comforting when AF comes. I really think there is some truth to stressing ourselves out of having another child. my acupuncturist said that the ladies she treats for fertility are obsessed and creating negative energy. she went through this whole talk with me about "letting it go" and "leaving it in God's hands" - She told me that the stress of AF coming can be equal to the stress of a loss of life and will reek havoc on our ability to conceive. so we gotta just let it go and it will probably happen!! you do hear, alot of pregnancies occur when couples aren't trying!!! so let's do this together, deep breath!!!! repeat after me... I will trust in God and have faith that he will deliver!!! AND SO WILL WE!!!!

HUGS girl!!! I want us ALL to get our bfps together. we deserve it!!!

aw thanks lynda..i know it is true.. We should put in all in God's hands..and stop trying so hard. It's just hard to not try so hard when you fail so many times in a row.. month after long month..Almost like if you try harder it will happen. I just have to keep praying..Hopefully something will happen soon..:

:

Alpha_allie1010 · #11 May 31st, 2009, 06:44 PM

I totally understand...I actually havent ever posted on this board because we arent technically at 6months ttc because I did get pg in January and m/c in late feb but I just posted my melt down on the TTC after loss board. But i just wanted you to know that you arent alone. I also just want to say that it is OK to be a mess sometimes!