First I want to tell all of you ladies that I soo admire your strength and I don't know how you have been able to keep trying month after month. I am seriously ready to give up. I know that won't help me get pregnant any faster, but I don't think I can keep trying as hard as I have been. Every month it is harder to get over the BFN's and have hope for the next cycle. I'm starting my 9th month today, I got that wonderful suprise when I was out to eat lunch with my mom today. It took everything in me to not start crying right then and there in the restauant bathroom. All I can think about is if I could have been one of the lucky ones to get pregnant right away I'd be having a baby soon. Instead here I am watching everyone I know have babies and get pregnant accidently and me wanting a baby so bad and not having it happen month after month. I'm sorry this post is so depressing, you guys have been so nice to me and so supportive and I know a lot of you having been trying much much longer than me, I just don't know how I can keep doing this, I don't have the same strength you guys have.

[charlietuna]

I know exactly what you are going through. It is pretty stressful especially when it seems like pregnancy is so "contagious". I am reluctant to admit that I am truly trying although it has been over 7 months since we started. Last month all of the women at my workplace believed that I was pregnant, which was unfortunately a VERY late period (I have been very regular until then). I am late again this month but I think I may actually have a problem.

I feel upset at myself when I feel jealous instead of happy for newly pregnant women. My neighborhood is full of new mom's - as for me I have a new puppy (not the same ) I just joined this site and I must say that I feel better checking the posts from time to time and enjoying the little distractions of the "questions" that Lynda posts. I have not yet sought help from a professional but I feel like when I do I will be very well informed thanks to these ladies (thanks). I guess what I want to say is that you are not alone and there are other women (like me) who understand what you are going through. Don't quit, take a break if you need to as I am sure that when you get your BFP it will all be worth it.
Laura

[Ash]

First of all No matter how long you have been trying, when you start seeing BFN after BFN and AF after AF, it gets tough. The other thing is that it is OK to break down and cry because TTC just plain sucks sometimes. Remember that we are all here for you, and sometimes a good cry and a vent session is just what you need to get you through.

[~Lynda~]

you do girl, you really do!!! it's so darn hard every month that witch shows. it's like a kick in the gutt literally!!!! and the thought of starting over is sometimes more than i can take. but i usually pick myself up by my boot straps and continue on. the prize at the end of the rainbow, is just far to great to give up!!! remember that!!! you have the strength and we can help you when you're down!!! HUGS in a big way, i'm sooo sorry she showed. I was stalking you cause you had some spotting... Let'd make this next cycle yours!!! and everyone elses!!! june is a great time for new beginnings!!

[SavaAngel]

We have all been through the depression the BFN's and AF brings on us month after month but at some point (and I can't really tell you when it happened for me) you get over it a lot quicker and just get on to the next cycle. If I was capable of "giving up" on this I would have a long time ago! It doesn't ever get easier but you put a failed cycle behind you and look forward to the possibilities of the one ahead of you and have hope!

I hope you get a nice BFP very soon!

[KDD]

I'm sorry that AF showed Aimee. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier each time 0 but it doesn't. I think that I've almost become numb emotionally when AF shows. I try to look ahead to the next cycle while I'm still in the 2WW.

[snsgirl336]

I'm sorry that AF showed (especially at your lunch)... I know that we have all been where you are a time or two (or three, or four...) It sucks, it really does. And unfortunately, it doesn't get any easier. We are all here for you though and having friends who are going through the same thing can be really helpful. Have yourself a mini-meltdown, eat some ice cream, punch some pillows... just release some of the stress and I'm sure you'll feel a little better tomorrow!

Originally Posted by snsgirl336

Have yourself a mini-meltdown, eat some ice cream, punch some pillows

That is almost word for word what I just did! I didn't punch the pillows though just had my meltdown with my face buried in one.

Thanks ladies for all your support! It really does help to know I'm not alone feeling like this and that I will be able to keep pulling it together to try again (and again and again). I made an appt. with my gyn today and go July 7th to talk about doing some more testing on me and DH. He was going to do testing at the end of the summer if we hadn't conceived on our own, but I figured since we're on month 9 and I have summers off, I might as well do what I can now and not have to miss work. DH said tonight he is totally willing to do any tests the doctor wants to. I'm just not sure if we are going to keep trying hard or go to NTNP. I work in a school and have summer off and I'd hate to waste all that time NTNP instead of working hard at getting pregnant, but I have to see how the next few days go and then I'll make that decision. I'm not exactly sure at this point how I would NTNP after picking up on every O sign my body gives me. I know I'd know when I was gonna O and can you really call it NTNP then? but anyways, sorry for rambling, thanks again for all your kind words, they helped me get through today.

[MommaLee]

Yeah, after my dh found me balling my eyes out a few times, he agreed to do all the tests also. He was actually very very much against an S/A. We are just private people and it damaged his ego abit that we're having to get assistance.

[~*Jackie*~]

Originally Posted by Ash

First of all No matter how long you have been trying, when you start seeing BFN after BFN and AF after AF, it gets tough. The other thing is that it is OK to break down and cry because TTC just plain sucks sometimes. Remember that we are all here for you, and sometimes a good cry and a vent session is just what you need to get you through.

100%. Last month I actually didn't have a breakdown, as I was negative about the whole cycle already. Now THIS cycle, I am giving 100000% to because I want to try to get out of having surgery, so if/when the witch shows up at the end of the month, I WILL be a basketcase. I can't say it's gotten any easier as the months go on, but I do think I have gotten a little more numb to the sting each month. I have good days and bad days... Just know you have support here that you can lean on any time.

[LisaBrown]

I'm sorry AF showed Aimee! I agree with what the other ladies said, it doesn't get easier on me, but I do my best to find ways to cope as I see BFN after BFN. That's what made me turn to JM in the first place, I was very much having a meltdown and didn't have anywhere esle to go really. I think you all understand when I say that family gatherings or casual talk at work aren't places where I felt like opening up about TTC to people who would probably never understand. But I know that the moment I will be holding my baby I will know in my heart it was all worth it! Stay strong, and vent all you need to!

[yarngirl]

I'm right there with you right now. Big hugs.

[Soape]

I'm sooooo sorry that you are having a rough time right now. THe venting is the only way to make it through and we are always here to help. I think I have a break down every week or two. It's a really hard journey but keep praying and hoping that everything will work out

[Hopingfor1soon]

I am so sorry hun! I agree that is completely unfair to each and every one of us! I agree Ice Cream a relaxing bath and a good movie always seems to make me feel a little better!! Feel better soon!

[ASH_M]

Oh my gosh, you're not alone. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and having to deal with the wait - I know it doesn't help much, but you are not alone. I've had the same thoughts about if I had been lucky enough to get pregnant the first go around, I'd have had a baby by now. I'm so so sorry you're feeling this way. I wish us all a fast path to Motherhood. In the meantime, you do what you feel is right at the moment - even if that means shoving your face into a pillow and crying until you have no more tears left. That's what I've been doing lately, and it does seem to help a little bit, as sillly as it sounds.