[~*Jackie*~]

X-posted in my ttc#1 journal:

Well, I left in plenty of time to get to the hospital- it's still only my second time driving to Pittsburgh alone, so I am crazy about leaving early because traffic in our area, well, SUCKS!

I got there at 10am, my appt. was at 10:20. I no sooner walked in, and the lady called my name to register me, which took all of 2 minutes because I already filled out my new patient paperwork. I asked to use the restroom (because I was nervous and that made me need to pee ), and I went and found that, and came back and they called me back. I didn't even get to sit down in the waiting room (YAY- because there were pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE).

I went back into a little office room where the nurse took my vitals and wrote those in my chart and told me my Dr. would be in to talk to me and then go to an exam room if necessary. I only waited about 5 minutes and he came in. He is YOUNG- like my age- and easy on the eyes. Straaaaange. So anyway, he went through my records that my OB/GYN and my RE sent over to him, and then asked me for an overview of what is going on. I explained it all, and he was very helpful. He said we needed to do an internal exam before making any plans, and I mentioned again that I'm on my period. He said "that's ok, it doesn't bother me", to which I replied "well it kind of bothers me" and gave him a weirded out face. He smiled and said if it bothers me we can do it another time, but I sucked up my pride and said "nooooo let's get it done now so we can move on". I almost forgot why I was there- ugh.

The internal exam was A-W-F-U-L. The regular part was ok, as my OB has done those things before, but this is the first time I've gone through it while I was in pain. He had asked about painful BMs during AF, and I was truthful that it hurts like heck during AF- which I know is a big symptom of endo. So he did a further internal exam.... umm... in both places. YUCK, it was terrible and SO painful. (He didn't look so handsome to me anymore by this point ). So he allowed me to get my clothes back on and came back in and we talked some more... He is going to do the surgeries, and explained the risks, etc. He also mentioned that he could actually feel nodules near my bowel, and that coupled with my uterus not moving at ALL, he is pretty convinced that they are fused together with adhesions. He said he can normal just going in and cut out what he needs to and not worry about anything but making the pain go away.. BUT.. since I'm also a fertility patient, he has to be way more careful and tedius, so he doesn't disrupt anything like my tubes, etc. For example, he said he would have no problem in any other patient to go in and take out a piece of the intestine, but in my case he wouldn't be able to because it can give a bigger risk of infection which can affect my tubes, etc. He said we need to work on having the surgery to take out any endometriosis, check the fibroid in my uterus and see if it needs removed while he's in there, and then check out my tube and repair it if it needs it while he's there. Music to my ears. Someone from his staff is going to call either later this week or first thing next week to set up a date. He said he thinks they are scheduling the first week of August right now, and that unfortunately that means I have to have one more AF in the meantime. He didn't want to give me BCP because he said it wouldn't make the pain much different after only a month of using it. I did ask him about ttc this month, but since we are setting up the surgery and really should worry about that- God forbid I O later and then we wouldn't know if I could be pregnant or not for the surgery- we are to protect this cycle. A mental break in all its glory (and kind of welcomed- especially since we'll be away staying with friends at O time). So now I just wait for an appointment date and go from there. My bosses know what is going on, only because I knew I'd need time of for IUIs, U/s's etc., so I'll have to let them know about this (in WAY less detail lol). My doctor wants me to schedule 2 weeks off because of the extent of the surgery, but if I feel better to go back earlier, then he will allow me to. After the surgery, I will go in and see him for a post-op, get copies of the reports, and then go see my RE for our next step.

As for the moment, I'm in pain, physically- especially after that insane internal exam- and mentally because he used words like "severe endometriosis" and "we need to get you pregnant and put you right back on the pill".. it feels like this may be our only opportunity to get pregnant, depending on what he finds in there. He is certain it's bad, but the question is how bad is it? I'll tell you one thing- if we finally get our baby after all of this, he/she will be the most loved child I can imagine.

[KCMomma]

OMG Jackie, you poor thing. I think there is definitely a positive to this whole situation...he is going to remove what is causing you pain and this HAS to up your chances of getting pregnant right??? I'm praying for you. Hope you aren't in too much pain today. Hang in there sweetie!!

[~April04~]

o wow - I'm happy he was very thorough and nice and that your surgery won't be too far away (maybe they'll get you in even sooner since it's so severe? *fingers crossed*). I'm sorry you have to deal with this all though - but you are completely right - once you're pregnant - it'll all be completely worth it.

[ChristinaR]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this appt but I'm thrilled you are getting some answers and have a new plan. This is all going to be a distant memory soon.



Hope you feel better soon.

[Christine-MA]

I'm so sorry your journey has even taken you to this point, but it sounds like you really have some great next steps!

[Celry]

I'm sorry you're body is not cooperating. It must be a relief to finally have some answers and be moving forward though. I'm glad you'll finally get your surgery scheduled soon. Hopefully you get back up and running in less than 2 weeks. Take it easy while you can though. I took it super easy and healed really quickly.

[~*Jackie*~]

Thanks for the kind words- I miss you girls so much.


Just got a call from the nurse- August 6th is my surgery. I'm going to take the next cycle + off to digest all of this, and then mentally prepare myself for this next step.

Sooooo TMI- I have to give myself an anema at home! EW. Then I'll be on a clear liquid diet the whole day before--- gotta love that my bowels have to do with this.

[~April04~]

yay for a date!! So only one more AF to get through before some relief... that's fantastic.

I just know that you'll get pregnant after this surgery!

[ChristinaR]

YAY that's not too far off. It's going to fly by. Yeah I've had to do those before. No fun but all worth it if they get rid of it all and you have no more pain.

[Soape]

I'm soooo sorry that you had to go through that. .But like you said if it ends up with a healthy baby in your arms then it's all worth it. I'm praying the pain lessens.

[SavaAngel]

Well that was very informative and you got lots of answers. Try to enjoy your break and have fun with your friends. I hope your surgery and recovery goes smoothly. I will be thinking of you - it is the day after AJ's birthday.

[MommaLee]

OMG....that sounds aweful. I'm glad you got the surgery date, so you're getting that much closer!

[snsgirl336]

Well I'm sorry that it seems to sound a little more in depth than you might have thought, but think of this as a positive step... I just know that once you're recovered and able to start ttc again, you'll be pregnant in no time. Seriously, it's a gut feeling I've had for you for a while now!

August 6th isn't too far away and with Summertime activities and such, I'm sure the time will fly by for you! You know I'm thinking of you and I'll say tons of prayers that everything goes smoothly for you!

[~*Jackie*~]

Thank you, ladies.

I had a big cry with DH tonight (just me, not him)-- I'm going through one of "those" phases this evening where I feel like my body is a failure at reproducing and I'm so sad I can't give DH a baby now, without all this hoopla. Blah- just one of those nights... and the pain is awful tonight. I guess it waited an extra day to hurt me. Or it's from all the poking in there today!

[LisaBrown]

So sorry Jackie! It sucks that you have to be in such physical and emotional pain all at the same time, but at least it sounds like that Dr. really wants to help you make progress. I wish for this to be a blessing in disguise for you and that you end up pain free and with many beautiful and healthy babies years from now!!!

[KDD]

Jackie I can't imagine the pain that you go through from the endo. August 6th really isn't that far off. I'm so happy that things are finally progressing for you.

[~*Jackie*~]

Thank you.. I still had to pop some ibuprofen today- 2 in the middle of the night, 3 at lunch time, and just took 2 more... last night/this morning was the worst of it, and it's starting to fade away, although my belly is all swollen and I'm very sore down there. DH is in the mood for some sort of action, and I'm like "get away from me with that thing". Poor guy.

[~*Jackie*~]

Well, just a small update- I got the paperwork from the hospital- instructions to prepare and all that stuff... I am also having a D&C done while they are there- I did not know that, so it was surprising, but I suppose it's for the best.

I also had a good chance to sit down and talk to my boss (while he's in a GOOD mood), and I have scheduled off the 2 weeks for my surgery, starting with the day before because I have to "cleanse" and do the clear diet thing. I just don't want to be at work for that. They are giving me a company laptop for the time I am off (yay) so I'll still be able to update you girls and check on everyone, thank Goodness. My computer is in the basement, and I'm going to try to stay away from the stairs for a day or two- but a day or two without you all would be impossible!

Just thought I'd update!!

[SavaAngel]

I am glad your boss was supportive. YAY for a laptop. Are they going to want you to work from home some then?

Weird about the D&C - have you thought to call and ask why?

[snsgirl336]

Well I'm glad that your boss is being so supportive! And yay for a laptop so you can keep us updated! We'd miss you just too much!