[~*Jackie*~]

Well, a little back story for this week.. AF came on time Sunday morning, a little more than 2 weeks after my surgery and right on time. I was STOKED because maybe I won't miss any time ttc after the surgery. Throughout the day Sunday, I was getting more and more sore in there, and AF was pretty heavy. By Sunday night, I was balled up on the bed crying my eyes out, knowing I couldn't miss work the next day (a busy Monday and I just missed 2 weeks due to the surgery!). It was 100% the same pain, the same excruciating endo pain that I've had for a long time now and the reason for my surgery. *sigh*

Fast forward to the appointment. DH was 5 floors above me at the same hospital doing his 3rd s/a (praying for normal morphology this time), and I sat in the waiting room around a bunch of pregnant women. Not fun. It didn't help my anxiety for this appointment! The appointments were running behind so I was hoping DH would make it down for my appointment- but they took me back before I saw him. They did the blood pressure thing and then I just sat in the room and waited and waited. About 20 minutes go by (no signal on my cell phone- I'm on the basement floor) so I have a nurse go fetch my DH. That worked out! Anyway, the surgeon went over my pathology reports with us, and went through the dozen pictures that he took while he did the surgery.

The good news: They did two biopsies on polyps and growths that they removed- all cancer free! YAY and what a relief! The other good news is that all endo was removed from my ovaries, and my tubes, although swollen and inflamed by the endo, are clear and no more blockages.

The bad news: When he tried to remove a huge section of endo from between my bladder and uterus, I started bleeding pretty bad. He had to stop. The ONLY way to remove the amount of endo I have in this area is to do a hysterectomy. Not going to happen. The endo was so bad on my small intestine (the worst he's seen in 10 years of surgeries) that it could not be removed. The ONLY way to remove it in this area is to do a bowel reduction surgery, which is risky and can interfere with ttc by causing more scar tissue, has a long recovery time, and is a big deal. Not going to happen right now. The only thing I can do is deal with the same pain I had before the surgery and try aggressively to get pregnant. It's my only option since we are ttc.

The Plan: DH and I spoke about it all and we decided to still go ahead and try naturally for 2 cycles. I know we *should* be more aggressive, but we want to put faith into our bodies and see what we can do. I just feel deep in my heart that if the endo is gone from the most important reproductive parts, we have a much better chance. If we aren't pregnant by Halloween, I will go back to the RE and see what our next step is. I'm going to set up that appointment next week so that I have a backup plan as that time runs near.

Sorry it's lengthy. I'm miserable today, still so sore from this AF, and I can't wait to go home, put on my heating pad, and just chill out. Good thing it's date night!

[Ash]

Big hugs, Jackie!! I was hoping for better news and I know you were too! I am with you though on keeping it positive and having faith in your body. I am still praying like crazy for you guys!

[snsgirl336]

I'm so sorry that things were not so great when they went in to clear it out. It does sound like they made some positive steps though and hopefully you and your DH trusting your bodies will be just what you need for that much deserved BFP. I'm praying for you everyday girl!

[~April04~]

((hugs)) I'm sorry you didn't get completely good news - I'm so bummed for you that you still have to deal with all that pain.

But I think your plan sounds like a good one and its VERY good news that it was all removed from your ovaries/tubes.

[Kari_B]

[SavaAngel]

So sorry that you got that bad news today. I hope you get your BFP this first cycle, that you don't need to go at it more aggressively, and this is your last painful AF. Good Luck Jackie. I am praying for you!

[Soape]

I'm sooooo sorry that you got bad news. I was hoping for only good. YOu have to do what is best for you and DH and is trying naturally is that, then we hope and pray that this works for ya'll/

[~*Jackie*~]

Thanks SO much for the hugs and prayers! I really appreciate them, believe me. We're just hoping for this to happen on our own, and hoping that trusting our bodies is the right decision. My only concern now is, though, that if I have an appointment at the beginning of November, I'll surely be past the point of being able to act on THAT cycle, so it'll be a 3rd natural cycle. My other concern is that the weather will start getting bad around that time of year and I'm worried about driving all the way into the city for u/s's and IUI stuff or whatever in snow and ice. I think our next step will be a medicated cycle with IUI, but that's up to the RE. As much as I'd like to start that now, I really want to follow my heart and try this naturally. The pain certainly motivates both of us more to do be sure we cover our bases and try as much as we can for a baby.

[~Lynda~]

big big hugs to you girl!!! let's focus on the good news!!! clear tubes and clear ovaries are key to a bfp! the other stuff isn't going to keep you from getting it!!! i'm proud of you for not freaking out and giving your bodies a chance to do it!!! i think they will!!! HUGS to you, just keep focusing on the good news!!!!!