[~*Jackie*~]

I'm not sure what it is... usually I get like this a week into my 2ww, when I lose all hope. But it's come early this cycle. Today is cycle day 12, and I assume I'll O within the next week (since I have for a long time now)... I don't know if it's the RE appointment coming up or what. I'm soooo anxious and nervous all rolled into one for that- excited about the possibility of FINALLY getting pregnant, but nervous about the costs (our insurance will cover nothing.... my CD 3 u/s was $518, alone.) and the possibility of moving on and it still not working. I'm nervous about giving my body even more time to let the endo take over my ovaries again and I'm nervous that the terrible winter weather here will interfere with our plans since the RE is a drive... Blah- I'm a ball of emotions today and just needed to vent.

Why is this so hard for all of us??

[SavaAngel]

Me too - can I crawl in there and cry with you?

Between AJ last week (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1...o-my-eyes.html), this past weekend (asking me at church if I had a baby in my tummy), and this week (asking me if I didn't know how to grow a baby in my tummy) and the Preggo woman sandwich I was in for 2 hours today, I could just go to bed and cry/sleep for days!

[aogilvie]

Jackie, I'm so sorry. I'm 4 dpo and I'm feeling the same way. Sometimes it just feels like there's no point in hoping, that it always just ends up the same... have a period and start over. I just talked to my cousin who has now adopted two boys and she had been trying to conceive for 9 years until they just finally said too much is too much. I don't know why this is so hard for us. I truly don't.

I do know that probably everyone has a cross to bear though and right now, ours is this. Other people's relationships end in divorce, other people lose someone they love too early, whatever... every single one of us out there has something in our lives that makes us say "this isn't how I thought my life would go".

Chin up there, pumpkin. I promise I'll try too. Life is life and we just have to roll with the punches as best we can. Plus, that's what we're all here for at JM! Keep leanin' on us, lady. Together, we're like a rock

[Soape]

I'm soooo sorry that you are feeling this way. I completely understand. It's not fair to any of us. I worry all the time about whether or not going to the RE and paying all the money will end up being worth it...it would only if it ended with a baby in arms.

I hope that today passes and that tomorrow you will have a new outlook. Otherwise I will be crying with you.

[~*Jackie*~]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time, too, Christina. Of course you can come cry with me! Sometimes being with friends is the best way to go.

Ana- you are so entirely sweet. And I have to say, you are so right. I have a friend whose wife is going through WAY worse than me-- health problems and they are our age-- and it puts into perspective how "bad" things could actually be. I just get these bad days and need to vent.. and you're right- JM is perfect for that. I wouldn't have made it this long without my wonderful JM friends.

Thanks, Amanda. I know that we all feel this way from time to time, and I just had to let it out (it's better to let it out here than it is to depress DH with it sometimes.). HUGS to you.

[snsgirl336]

Oh Jackie, I'm so sorry that you're having one of those terrible days! I think we've all had more than our fair share of those and yet they still keep coming! I hate that any of us have to deal with this.

As if TTC weren't hard enough emotionally, lets add on crappy insurance companies that won't cover the things we need and more and more Dr's appointments! Please vent away and know that we're all here to help lift you out of that hole you want to climb in! But if you need to stay in the hole and wallow, that's ok too (just for a little bit though)

I know that you (and all the girls here) have helped me feel better on a bunch of occasions! I wish there was a magical thing to say or do to make everything better, but hopefully leaning on your friends will help!

[~*Jackie*~]

Thanks, Cris.... I know you know exactly how I'm feeling as well..

It's just such a shame that I've already lost hope on this cycle before it's even really started... I just don't know. I thought that the surgery would be the answer, and it still may be, but I'm so ready for RESULTS. I've done everything my RE has asked, so now he needs to help do what I need- I need to be pregnant!!!

[~Lynda~]

i certainly want to crawl in the hole with you!! i'm starting to try to think about maybe just moving on with life and not have this take over my world anymore. i've been giving it alot of serious thought. we can't afford RE's or medical assistance cause nothing is covered with our crappy insurance. so i'm beginning to mentally prepare myself for "moving on" - makes me sad, but i'm sure i will be less sad as i move forward. hate the thought of ending my fertility like this, but i don't feel like there are any other options.

hugs to you girl, keep the faith, i think you will prevail!!!

[~*Jackie*~]

to you Lynda. I really want to have a miracle baby before we give up and move on, but the further into it all we go, we may not have the choice either... Time will tell.

Until then, I would like to climb into the hole for a little while, where I feel most safe.

[SavaAngel]

This is adding to my want to crawl in a hole and cry:

[KMH]

to all of you, and I hope brighter days are ahead. I have had many days like you are having, and I know how hard it is...hang in there!

[KDD]

Big, Big Hugs to everyone! We've all had those days when we want to hide away from the world. Thankfully there are good days too that help stay strong. I hope that you both have a bright day tomorrow (literally in your case Christina).

[jensma]

i'm right there with ya today!! What is it about today?!