[~Lynda~]

hey gals, i'm going to have the TALK about seeking MA with DH this weekend. I'm so nervous. Why am I so nervous? Because when we decided to have another, we talked specifically about leaving it in God's hands. I never dreamed we'd have any problems. I think I could have stuck to that plan IF God hadn't given me 3 bfps, only to take them away from me. It's like he wanted me to taste the success, dream the dreams, but not walk the walk.

Now I want it so much more than i did when we chose to try again. Not sure how DH feels about it though. We don't have alot of money to spend on it, but it's only money and I think we can find a way to do it if we really want to. That being said, i'm so scared that i'm going to want to seek MA, but he isn't. That will make me so upset, i'm not sure what it will do to our relationship. I think in my heart of hearts, he will ponder it for awhile and then decide we should do it. But I think it will take him a bit to get there...

Any suggestions on how to START the conversation? This is where i'm having trouble. I've tried a couple of times, but it didn't quite lead into the conversation like I wanted it to. any suggestions greatly appreciated.

[jenisuzy]

Lynda ~
I was scared to death as well, when it came to that point where I wanted to bring up pursuing more help...after a year & a half, I was tired of just waiting for things to happen by itself. One night at dinner I just straight up told him I am making an appt. to go back to my OB/GYN & see what else we can do. He seemed ok with it and after my doc did a few minor things (Clomid/sonohyst) and then told me I needed to see and RE that's when I really panicked about talking to DH about that. Well that conversation came up on a weekend when we were just hanging out. I think I probably cried and cried more and he pretty much didnt argue with me, I just asked if he'd go to the 1st RE appt. with me so he could hear for himself what the RE would have to say. That appt. went ok ( & my DH HATES anything to do with being in a clinic/docs/etc.). Currently I am planning to have surgery to remove a polyp....bawled my eyes out telling DH I wanted to do surgery, he didnt seem to care either way, just said it was my body & he wasnt the one to go thru it. Well, in the whole big picture I think he's ok with it all but I know for sure after this surgery if things dont happen on their own, I'm not sure how the BIG conversation will go if we need to discuss IUI/IVF, that part I'm really scared about.....it isnt easy...esp. when my DH isnt super ambitious about having a child, even though he said it would be nice to have one, he just is not aggressive with seeking a lot of treatment, is more of the "whatever happens, is meant to happen" which is hard for me to comprehend b/c I want it like yesterday Good luck to you!

[~*Jackie*~]

Just sending you some luck, girlie! We're in a different boat, as DH has been as involved as me with all this stuff, dealing with my surgery, etc., so I really don't have any advice. I hope your DH listens and stays open minded!

[SavaAngel]

I never thought it would come to that with DH and I either. But DH and I talked about the what ifs and everything almost every month.

[~Lynda~]

jen thank you sooo soooo much for your response. I very much appreciate it and it helps to know I'm not alone. Sometimes i feel like i'm the only one on an island. I'm gonna do it this weekend for sure!!! you've given me a bit more courage and hope! i guess i'm fearful for what will happen if we are on totally separate pages!

jackie, you are so sweet!! big hugs to you for all your support. My DH is a pretty open minded guy, but i just know he's going to think they charge too much for their services. Anytime we get a bill from a Dr. he says that they overcharge. And I do believe he is right, but how much would i pay for a baby? i can't even begin to answer that question...

christina, you are so lucky your DH is on the same page. I hope mine will be too!! HUGS

thanks again so much!

[missy123]

Hi Lynda,

I may be totally off base here, but why not write DH a letter telling him how you feel and that you want to go to an RE? That you are sensative to his feelings but at the same time this is so important to you. Sometimes it is easier putting your feelings down on paper and you feel less vunerable when you start the conversation. Just a thought.

I hope it goes well, you are such a wonderful person and deserve this chance.

[KDD]

I pretty much got the referral to the RE and the requisition for the SA and told DH this is what's happening next. We had a few months to wait to see the RE so he had some time to get used to it.

I said "let's see if there's anything wrong, we don't have to do anything beyond that if we don't want to". Imagine my surprise when he jumped onto the IVF wagon first.

Good luck!

[Celry]

Lynda, I think you did an amazing job here explaining exactly why your heart is leading you toward MA. I think that's what you should tell your DH.

[missy123]

Good Luck speaking to him this weekend... Thinking of you.

[LindseyMarie]

Lots and lots of hugs, I know talking about MA with DH's can be a difficult subject.

Lucky for me, my OB/GYN referred me, so I told Eric they sent me a referral. He had already known though that this was a possibility because of the endo and stuff. I guess he had no choice but to stomach it! I know now he is TERRIFIED of what we are starting, but excited too. Men are so hard to read at this kind of thing.

After this next baby we will NTNP and leave it to god, but part of me wonders if I will back out of that agreement with DH and want to seek MA if nothing ever happens...

As much as I always want to wait until gods time, I just felt that god was helping me feel that this was what we needed to do. It's hard to explain. I've gone through a huge mental battle about if we were interfering with that or not, and come to the conclusion there is a reason we are where we are, and are being led to do this!

I don't have much help with how to start the conversation as I pretty much told DH at the year mark we were going to see if there was anything wrong since it took my mom so long to get pg and then stay pg I always kind of worried I would have trouble. Then I decided at about 8 months in that it would be "easier" to start the testing over the summer since I have summers off and wouldn't have to miss work for Dr. appts, so I went ahead and started all the testing even earlier I didn't really give DH much choice and then once we found out about his azoo there was no worrying on my part about getting DH on board for MA. I do STILL have to make all of his appts. though, I gave him 4 days to make the appt for his variocele surgery and he never did, so I called and made it. Maybe telling DH you'll handle all the appt. making will help him be a little more open to it? My DH is a big money worrier, so I just have to keep reminding him that this is our ONLY option to having kids and even though it's costing a lot we are fortunate that insurance actually covers things.

Sorry for the ramble, but I hope DH is open to at least getting a little bit of testing done, ease him into it... take one step at a time, I think there is a point when you can't just leave it up to God anymore. I never thought I would do IVF, it just seemed so "unnatural", but now it's the only way, so you do what you gotta do. And I have a hard time believing that it's God's will that we don't have babies, every one of us on this board deserves a baby and when I see so many people who don't appreciate/take care of their kids having them so easily I find it hard to believe they are having an easier time because they were meant to be parents and I wasn't. Sorry for rambling AGAIN!! LOL!

[~Lynda~]

you gals are the best. i have tears in my eyes reading all your wonderful caring posts! God has led me to JM to get me through these really aweful times and I believe he is leading me in the direction of MA. I just feel it. I just feel everything is going to work out, but I can't seem to get the right time to bring it up. I was out of town yesterday and DH is out of town today. tonight we have my dad's bday party - but i might just have a couple drinks, since i'm on AF and let it fly when we get home. or if not there is always tomorrow!

hugs to you all, i really do love you all for sharing your stories and helping me in a very stressful time! pray for me gals!!

[missy123]

I have been thinking of you Lynda. I know how hard it is to bring up... It is hard for me to bring up the subject of TTC and how I have been feeling. I just dont want him to know I guess. This morning we were laying in bed and I started crying. I think TTC is just getting to me. I never thought I would be in this situation. It was so easy when I had the boys, we had sex got pregnant had kids. Now it is an ever ending cycle of opk's, trying to decide to go to the dr or not, trying to figure out how to pay for it all. The pain, disappointment, heartache is sometimes just so overwhelming. I dream to be pregnant, to have him touch my belly and feel the baby kick... to hold another baby...

So I should be greatful for what I have but it is so hard when I long for more. I always wanted more children but was never in the right situation (I have been divorced for 14 years). Now I am in the right situation and it isnt happening.

I am rambling here. My point is my BF totally suprised me this am. He said I will do whatever it takes to try to make this happen but you need to prepare yourself for a life with me if after this is over we cant have a baby. He was so sweet, he just held me and told me long term all will be ok, how much he loves me, how it hurts him to see me so sad... I really thought he would be against going further with going to see an RE and I never brought it up because I thought he would be against it when he was on board all along....

I hope everything works out for you...