barrycarrot's diary

barrycarrot · #1 April 25th, 2006, 11:57 AM

Well, i'm getting ready to start my one year cycle. Spot is here which means AF is on her way. This has been the longest road ever. I absolutely undoubtedly thought i would be pregnant by 4 months of trying tops. Boy was i wrong! It has been such an emotional ride and i'm so ready to get off it! I want to be pregnant NOW! I'm trying hard to be patient and to trust God's hand in it all, but boy is it a test for me. I have to remember that HE knows best.

I made my annual appointment for May 12th. Will talk to the doc about this long road and my last test - the HSG. I've put it off, trying to let my body get leveled off with my thyriod medicine and such, but still no luck. Looks like i may go for that after the next cycle - so end of May or so. Then on to Clomid to help me ovulate.

I'll do whatever it takes to get me that prize - my own precious child. I'm so looking forward to that day and then i will say that this long road has surely been worth it.

barrycarrot · #2 April 26th, 2006, 05:26 AM

Well, she's here in full force. You know it's funny that even when i'm just spotting i think to myself that maybe there's still a chance. Some women spot during pregnancy. I dont know why it's so hard to face the truth. On to trying for a January baby. I just pray it doesnt take a whole nother year or more to get my BFP. I hope 2007 is the year i have my first little one!

barrycarrot · #3 April 27th, 2006, 09:49 AM

AF's still here of course. Not as depressed as i was the past two days. I've just faced the reality that it's just not going to happen until it's exactly the right time. Maybe i should just stop trying so hard. Is that possible? Compared to others, i dont feel like i do alot. I dont temp, check CP, nothing. Just look for EWCM that's it. (Although i've considered trying to temp again).

I dont know....i'll just try to patiently wait my turn.

barrycarrot · #4 May 1st, 2006, 07:17 AM

Day 6 of cycle 12. Wow. I have warned DH that he better get in shape cause i'm after him all month! I want to catch that egg! Since i dont know if/when i actually ovulate, i have to be sure to get BDing in as much as possible. I'm anxious about my appt. with the OBGYN on the 15th ( i moved it back one day). I would love to get my BFP this month and not have to have the HSG test at the end of May. It's expensive and uncomfortable from what i hear. Come on BFP!

barrycarrot · #5 May 11th, 2006, 11:26 AM

Well, i stopped counting cycle days. I'm hoping it relieves the pressure of having to do certain things on certain days. Plus it's the way Tim has wanted it all along - just going with the flow. Out of no where though, i decided to POAS - an ovulation stick of course- and it came out positive yesterday. Yeay! Maybe i really am trying to ovulate. So we BD'd last night and I'll get him again tonight! I dont want to miss the chane at catching the egg! I just wonder if maybe my eggs are fertilizing very well or something. I go to my appointment on Monday, so that will be good and hopefully informative. Then it's the 2WW and seeing what happens around the end of the month. If AF comes, then i'll schedule my HSG. I've put it off for 3 months now so i could see if nature would take it's course, but so far nothing. Ugh - the story of my life. I have hope and faith that it will happen one day - now i just need to work on my PATIENCE!

barrycarrot · #6 May 12th, 2006, 12:12 PM

We'll i was supposed to go Monday for my yearly exam but my doc called and asked to move it to today as he has something personal to do on Monday. Anywho - i went for my exam and everthing was fine. We discussed the ongoing journey of getting a BFP and hitting the one year mark. This is what the plan is:

Go 5/17 for another progesterone check to make sure i'm still ovulating (Or at least trying to!)
When my period comes at the end of May, i'll schedule my HSG
If HSG shows clear tubes - i get to be labeled "Unexplained Infertility" and move on to meds
If HSG shows blocked tubes - move straight to Invitro

I guess the outcomes of the HSG have me down. Neither one are good really. I dont like the thought of "Unexplained Infertility" and i dont like the thought of having to go so extreme as invitro (not to mention that i can't afford it either!)

Why is everything so hard for me? I'm 27 - my body should work just fine. Tim doesnt seem to understand my frustrations as he believes so much in the "when the time is right, it will happen". Thankfully i have the nice ladies on this message board to talk to. It's a long road, and i definitely need FRIENDS!

barrycarrot · #7 May 15th, 2006, 06:33 AM

After a really hard day on Friday, I'm much better today. Tim had flowers at home waiting for me Friday, as he knew i was having a hard time. After some crying and praying, i'm back to my "going with the flow" attitude. After all, there's nothing i can do about it. I passed the church in Catlett on Saturday on the way to Mom and Dad's. The sign by the road said: "TIME" is a gift from God. Wow! That is what i needed - a sign from him. I need to learn to be patient and "all good things come to those who wait" as they say. It's so hard when you want something so badly and right now, but life is about learning and i guess patience is on my list of courses i have take.

barrycarrot · #8 May 19th, 2006, 09:23 AM

I got my progesterone test results back - 9.36. Better than the last one a couple months ago, but still not the exact number i wanted it to be. If they would have said 10 - i'd be fine. Funny how picky i get with this stuff. Dr. Warner assures me that it means a healthy ovulation, but i still have doubts. Who know - i guess if i am pregnant, i'll believe him. Otherwise, i want Clomid after my HSG in a another week or so. I want SUPER eggs and ovulation!

barrycarrot · #9 May 22nd, 2006, 06:02 AM

OK. I'm getting anxious. I know that AF is due soon (dont know exacltly when though). I want to count to see what day i am on, but i'm trying not to. I think i'll give in though. My BB's are sensitive, which they usually arent before AF since coming off the pill. I'm taking that as a good sign. My face also is not as broke out as normal before AF comes. Maybe i'm looking to much into things. I did have some mild cramping this morning though. Ugh. I hope it's not the witch. I guess i am so opptimistic because i KNOW we BD'd everyday before, during, and after ovulation. And i know i ovulated since i got my progesterone tests back. So, there is hope this time. I am concerned about my low progesterone number though to be able to carry a pregnancy, so i started using my progesterone cream again. i hope it helps boost my number up. Today is me and Tim's 2 year anniversary. It has been great with him. I love him so much. I would lOVE to get a BFP in our anniversary, but i'm trying to hold out until this weekend to test. I'll keep you updated!

barrycarrot · #10 May 23rd, 2006, 06:07 AM

"This is the day that the Lord hath made!"

I"M PREGNANT! I can not believe it. Really - i am in shock.

Here's the deal - I counted to see what cycle day i was on yesterday. I was about 13 DPO. I have just noticed that my nipples are sensitive and staying that way and usually when AF is about to come, it's not like that. Plus i havent had my normal breakout on my face and chest. So i thought - what the heck - i'll POAS. It was our second wedding anniversary after all. Within a few minutes - i saw the fainest of lines. You had to look REALLY hard and even move it in the light right to see it. So, i was skeptical. I let Tim look at it when he got home and he to saw the line a little. So, i had held my pee for some time and decided to POAS again. i used two different brands this time and both had a faint line - but easier to see than the first. I was pretty much convinced then that i was pregnant. but i went out and bought a digital test at night and tested with FMU this morning. This is what i got:

THANK YOU JESUS FOR THIS MIRACLE OF LIFE INSIDE OF ME!