[sierrasmommy02tt#2]

*SIGH* i know alot of you are probaly wondering ***!! new step daughter thats 2months?? What did we miss. Well around the end of may beginning of june me and james had split up for about a couple of weeks (which were horrid for me) being the wonderful husband he is he decided to knock up some chick (not intentional but it eats at me)! they had intercourse ONCE!! and she was on BC (so she says)!! That happened. I had no idea that during the slpit up that he hooked up with anyone i had my suspicions but left it at that. Around the end of july the beginnig of aug. during a bad fight he decided to throw in my face the little incident and then to top it off he threw in my face that she was pg. I havent really said anything to anyone bc it hurts alot but its not the little girls fault so i love her like i love baby james and sierra and shes a part of my life now whether i like it or not (that settles just oh so well). It tears me apart that we have been trying soo long and hard at having a child of our own (even before that) and he goes off and decides to have a one night stand with some bar wh@r# and knocks the b*$%^ up!!! WTH is that?! It just tears the sancity of it all marriage, trust, love, us, wanting a child all of it. That is also why i have been so back and forth with the whole do i still even want to try or not. It takes alot to try and to even pretend to be strong through the whole thing and try to hide its even a situation.Everytime i see makensie or have to talk to her mother, look at james, or even think about ttc i see his infedelity bc thats what it is we were still married regarless of the split up. i just dont know how to deal with it. I havent talked to anyone at all about the whole thing in fear of what people will say about me, our marriage just anything at all, my mother doesnt even know. His whole family is aware. I feel soo stupid for still even being here for him, for even trying to work our relationship out (i didnt want to).i dont know why i am coming here to release this all? I guess bc no one here really knows me (if that makes sense; ie: not my neighbors, coworkers, or in the same town). I consider you all friends that are sharing a journey with me that i can turn to with any problem or situation and feel comfortable enough to know that i wont be judge by a situation but by the person i am. i hope that makes sense. i just need to talk about it bc its not gonna do me any good to bottle it up. *sigh* i dont know. I guess this is just to explain the addition to our family? and partily vent bc everything i feel and have to say about it i cant here bc the post would get deleted. what would you guys do if in the situation? i guess thats what i am looking for? i dont know if i want a shoulder to cry on or a sawed off shotgun to shoot the sorry SOB!!! thats how thrown i am about it all even knowing and dealing with it this long. Thanks for listening.

[alexa]

*SIGH* i know alot of you are probaly wondering ***!! new step daughter thats 2months?? What did we miss. Well around the end of may beginning of june me and james had split up for about a couple of weeks (which were horrid for me) being the wonderful husband he is he decided to knock up some chick (not intentional but it eats at me)! they had intercourse ONCE!! and she was on BC (so she says)!! That happened. I had no idea that during the slpit up that he hooked up with anyone i had my suspicions but left it at that. Around the end of july the beginnig of aug. during a bad fight he decided to throw in my face the little incident and then to top it off he threw in my face that she was pg. I havent really said anything to anyone bc it hurts alot but its not the little girls fault so i love her like i love baby james and sierra and shes a part of my life now whether i like it or not (that settles just oh so well). It tears me apart that we have been trying soo long and hard at having a child of our own (even before that) and he goes off and decides to have a one night stand with some bar wh@r# and knocks the b*$%^ up!!! WTH is that?! It just tears the sancity of it all marriage, trust, love, us, wanting a child all of it. That is also why i have been so back and forth with the whole do i still even want to try or not. It takes alot to try and to even pretend to be strong through the whole thing and try to hide its even a situation.Everytime i see makensie or have to talk to her mother, look at james, or even think about ttc i see his infedelity bc thats what it is we were still married regarless of the split up. i just dont know how to deal with it. I havent talked to anyone at all about the whole thing in fear of what people will say about me, our marriage just anything at all, my mother doesnt even know. His whole family is aware. I feel soo stupid for still even being here for him, for even trying to work our relationship out (i didnt want to).i dont know why i am coming here to release this all? I guess bc no one here really knows me (if that makes sense; ie: not my neighbors, coworkers, or in the same town). I consider you all friends that are sharing a journey with me that i can turn to with any problem or situation and feel comfortable enough to know that i wont be judge by a situation but by the person i am. i hope that makes sense. i just need to talk about it bc its not gonna do me any good to bottle it up. *sigh* i dont know. I guess this is just to explain the addition to our family? and partily vent bc everything i feel and have to say about it i cant here bc the post would get deleted. what would you guys do if in the situation? i guess thats what i am looking for? i dont know if i want a shoulder to cry on or a sawed off shotgun to shoot the sorry SOB!!! thats how thrown i am about it all even knowing and dealing with it this long. Thanks for listening.[/b]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all this, as if TTC isn't so hard already. I just wanted to say I'm sorry and that all of us are here for you. You have to decided what is right for you at the time, no one else can decided that for you. Please PM me if you need too.

[mistyrg]

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through all this. I'm at a loss for words. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. I hope you can find peace and happiness in whatever you decide to do.

Misty

[rollopodio]

wow. i can not even imagine what you are feeling. i'm so glad you got that vent out though. that is alot to carry around. i am not sure what to say. i am very very sorry for what you are going through. i'm always here if you need to talk or if you need anything else. in the meantime...

[barrycarrot]

I'm sorry that you are having to go through all this. I'm sure i would feel the exact same way if i were in your shoes. It has to be hard. The decision to stay with your Dh is yours and yours alone. It doesnt matter what others say - you are the one that has to live with him. I am sure you feel like you're tugged in several different directions with your emotions. Try to keep your head up and hang in there. Best of luck.

[BobbiC]

Oh my. I am so sorry all this is happening to you. I think if I was in your shoes I would feel the same way. Look into your heart you will know what is right for you and what you want. Don't listen to what others say, do as you feel is best.

[Blue Eyes 409]

Wow my heart breaks for you! I can not even think of how you must be feeling and what you are going threw. That has to be so hard on you! Did he have the baby tested to make sure it is his? I can't believe 1 time and here you have been TTC all this time. We are here for you in what ever you decide to do.

My hubby and I have been having some serious problems and I am not sure if I even want to be with him any more so I know how hard it is. Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk!

[iamkc]

I can't believe that you've been holding this all inside!!! Thank you for opening up and I'm so glad that you're getting this off your chest.

You have a huge heart. I can think of very few women who would have the perspective that you do, that the little one isn't to blame. She can't help who her parents are. (I have to remind myself of that with my little sister--she didn't ask for my dad and his almost ex-wife.)

I don't have any advice for what you "should" do...only you know your situation well enough and know all that's going on in your relationship and inside you. I do hope that you've allowed yourself to be angry--it sounds like it's right below the surface. You have every right.

I'm adding myself to the list of people to PM if you need to talk. In the meantime, many hugs to you!!! Please keep us updated!