[jesridge]

How do you gals deal? I am looking for suggestions, answers, anything. Previously, I would think "Oh it's only month ___ and I can't expect it to happen so soon." But lately, it's starting to get to me. DH and I were not preventing for about a year before we decided to really try, and so if you tack on 12 months of "it should have probably happened" to my 10 months (or 9 cycles) of really trying... it's starting to get close to almost two years. Ugh, that's ugly to think about.

I feel like such a failure! I keep finding myself getting lower and lower self esteem because I think "DH could do better than me, I can't even procreate." It's really starting to wear me down. I know I really shouldn't think that way, but it's really difficult to not let it bother me in other areas of my life. I think about it a lot. Not healthy, ya know? My doctor is thinking of IUI for us now, and DH is sort of skittish about it since it's the first step past really being natural. It's also potentially expensive, and I keep thinking that we're just trying to push something that maybe really isn't even meant to be. I'm overthinking this, aren't I? But it's such a huge part of what I want in life that it's hard not to.

Thanks so much for letting me vent a bit. Please tell me I'm not the only one thinks this way.

[wishfulgal]

I've been pretty quiet around here since we found out that DH has severe MFI. Although we did conceive our son naturally, in the not so distant past, we know there is a VERY slim chance of it happening again naturally. So yeah, I totally understand the hopeless feeling. I also understand the fear of going through extensive fertility treatments that may or may not work..
We're actually starting to look into adoption. We still have hope that it could happen again someday, but we just aren't willing to wait and we know that IVF is not an option for us (too costly financially and emotionally with no guarantee).

It's very hard to stay positive when it just isn't happening. I definitely thing about it ALL the time. I guess I'd say what helps me is just believing that I WILL have another child, one way or another, when it is meant to happen.

[~*Jackie*~]

You are absolutely not alone!!! I'm so sorry that things look so dim right now, but hang on to your DH and my best advice is to take each day at a time... don't look too far down the road, just worry about here and now. I've felt like a failure plenty (and still have my moments) by being infertile, but our DH's love us for US, not for anything we can't do. I say make whatever decisions as far as treatments that are best for you and your DH.. take time off if you have to. Big hugs

[SavaAngel]

It is hard, no doubt about it. Even already having a child it made me wonder what happened in those two years or during my delivery to make it so I couldn't have another. I think personally it was partially stress and partially a spiritual process for me. We were sorta NTNP and "leaving it up to God" when we finally got our BFP. I was beginning to think we would only have one child at that point too and trying to grasp that my dreams of a large family weren't going to happen.

You have to find a way for you and DH to work through it. I know DH and I talked a lot. Every cycle I would ask him what he thought about what I wanted to do next. And I discussed when we would forfeit the natural/clomid routes and jump into IUI and if we would do IVF. And probably he cared a less at some of the things I asked (supplements, vitamins, prescriptions/dosages my OB gave me, etc.) his input on but that way I felt like I wasn't making all the decisions myself.

I am not saying you are - just what we did.

[♥Ashley♥]

You are absolutely, 100% not alone.

I've just recently started getting the feeling bad for my DH feelings, and thinking he could have married someone who doesnt have all these miscarriages and put him through all of this. And its silly to think like that, because im one of the lucky women who really, truely know that my husband loves and adores me. He tells me way to much for me to think otherwise. But its still a really painful thing to go through, and I honestly believe it has really changed me and scarred me for life.

I cant give any advice on how to deal, because after 19 months... I still dont deal well at all. All I can do is tell you we are always here for you when you need support. I honestly dont know what I would do without my JM girls in this process

[jesridge]

Thanks, ladies. I really appreciate what you said... it made me feel a lot better! It's great to get to talk to people who truly understand, and even though it's unfortunate that this happens to so many people, I'm glad that I'm not alone in responding this way.

[KDD]

Trust me, you are not alone! I looked back and realized that I stopped taking birth control over 4 years ago! It took us nearly 2 years to conceive on our own (m/c @ 10 weeks) and then 2 years of TTC before trying IVF. My emotions ran the gamut - sad, frustrated, depressed, angry, jealous (of others who could get pg), etc.

It helped to learn that DH also was feeling the same feelings. We would try to make jokes about it to break the tension and that helped a lot.

[snsgirl336]

I couldn't have said anything better than Jackie has... Really lean on your DH... he married you for you, and I'm sure he'll be a wonderful support.
My DH and I are right near the 3 year mark actively TTC, so I know how you're feeling- I think I've felt everything you can imagine. It's not fair that anyone of us has to feel anything like this.... Big Hugs for you!!!!