Annoyed at my Ob...and a nervous wreck

hubshope · #1 July 28th, 2010, 06:31 AM

Hi Ladies...okay, so first I'm a mess. I'm 3DPO and we made a good effort at catching that egg. I'm a wreck. Last July we conceived (suprisingly as we weren't trying) and then miscarried in August. I almost skipped TTC this month but kept telling myself not to be superstitious...but I can't help but think I'm finally going to get a BFP just to m/c in August again...repeat the nightmare.

And I'm totally annoyed at my ob. I went in end of last week for my annual and to discuss all the trouble we've had with conception. He was so RUDE about it he made me cry. He said that he's not willing to try any type of help until we're well over a year of active trying (since we've tried on and off since I don't know Oct/Nov and only actively since Jan but we took a month off in June). He said he would discuss it further next year at this time if we still aren't pregnant...

And then had the nerve to tell me, "You know you have two healthy children already. Do you really need anymore?"

REALLY? No, I don't NEED them...I WANT them. Is it any of his **** business. It's not like I'm 52...Geez, I'm 32 and want a big family. Is that so horrid?

I've been with him for 7 years and hate to leave 'cause I've always loved him. But at my annual last year (which was actual May 2009, I was a few months late this year) he pushed me HARD to go on birth control and I wouldn't. Now this. He has 2 kids and that's all...but what is right for him may not be for anyone else.

If you read this far thank you...sorry but I had to vent. I cried all the way home from my appointment. He's supposed to be on my side and my key player in having another healthy bean.

Thank you for reading ladies.

~*Jackie*~ · #2 July 28th, 2010, 07:03 AM

I'm sorry but I'd be looking for a new OB pronto. There is no need for him to be passing judgment on you, and I'd be concerned that he'll never actually try to help you get pregnant if/when the time comes!!

TheOnlyPink · #3 July 28th, 2010, 12:03 PM

oh my god!!! i cant believe anyone in the medical profession would speak to a patient like that. look for a new doctor fast. forget about the past 7 years, a doctor is supposed to help you no matter what, not judge you.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, i hope you are feeling ok now. its hard enough dealing with the anniversary of your m/c coming up without his attitude.

hmpg · #4 July 31st, 2010, 09:47 AM

You have a very nice nature and character. Very soon you will be successful again. Just wait patiently with your DH.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hubshope

Hi Ladies...okay, so first I'm a mess. I'm 3DPO and we made a good effort at catching that egg. I'm a wreck. Last July we conceived (suprisingly as we weren't trying) and then miscarried in August. I almost skipped TTC this month but kept telling myself not to be superstitious...but I can't help but think I'm finally going to get a BFP just to m/c in August again...repeat the nightmare.

And I'm totally annoyed at my ob. I went in end of last week for my annual and to discuss all the trouble we've had with conception. He was so RUDE about it he made me cry. He said that he's not willing to try any type of help until we're well over a year of active trying (since we've tried on and off since I don't know Oct/Nov and only actively since Jan but we took a month off in June). He said he would discuss it further next year at this time if we still aren't pregnant...

And then had the nerve to tell me, "You know you have two healthy children already. Do you really need anymore?"

REALLY? No, I don't NEED them...I WANT them. Is it any of his **** business. It's not like I'm 52...Geez, I'm 32 and want a big family. Is that so horrid?

I've been with him for 7 years and hate to leave 'cause I've always loved him. But at my annual last year (which was actual May 2009, I was a few months late this year) he pushed me HARD to go on birth control and I wouldn't. Now this. He has 2 kids and that's all...but what is right for him may not be for anyone else.

If you read this far thank you...sorry but I had to vent. I cried all the way home from my appointment. He's supposed to be on my side and my key player in having another healthy bean.

Thank you for reading ladies.

SKGirl · #5 July 31st, 2010, 04:49 PM

I am sorry this happened to you. It is everyone's own business how big or how small they want their family. Doctors are suppose to help you achieve this not pass judgment on it. I hope you find a doctor that is willing to help.

~Lynda~ · #6 August 1st, 2010, 05:59 AM

the other ladies. i would not stay with that OB. so what if you went to a dr. because you were diagnosed with cancer. you went to a dr. who specializes in treating cancer. And he tells you, well hun, your cancer is in stage 1 right now and I won't treat it till it's well into stage 3. Hey you know, your 32, you've lived 32 great years, do you really need to live any longer?

now i know that seems very whacky, but your OB is a dr. of fertility and he/she is supposed to help you with your fertility struggles. if he/she doesn't do that, what good are they?

♥Ashley♥ · #7 August 2nd, 2010, 07:55 AM

Holy crap! I would leave that OB ASAP! What a horrible Dr! You do not deserve that, and no woman should have to hear that. You should be seen a year after you first started to TTC to figure out what is going on! Not TWO years!

Good Luck! I really hope you find a new DR!

SavaAngel · #8 August 2nd, 2010, 08:52 AM

Sadly, most OB's aren't pro big families and God forbid that they be pro FAM/NFP/no hormonal BC. When we were having trouble getting pregnant I told my OB we wanted at least 4 children and he said - "Oh I guess we gotta get working on it then". DUH - why am I here then?

Go with your gut instinct on what to do about changing to doc. If you really love him as a doc - stick with him. Otherwise, change. Best of luck!

wishfulgal · #9 August 2nd, 2010, 07:22 PM

Yeah, I can't believe he said that to you

. Just because he thinks 2 kids is the perfect number does not mean that he shouldn't help you achieve your dreams of a bigger family. I would definitely consider switching, that would really bother me.

Servilia · #10 August 2nd, 2010, 08:20 PM

I have to agree with the others. I would have doubts about his enthusiasm in helping me.

hubshope · #11 August 10th, 2010, 11:48 AM

Thank you, Ladies for all your support. I have been in FL for the last 9 days on vacation and came back to find all this from you alll. Thank you so much.

I'm frustrated because AF showed up again yesterday. One year since our m/c and I was sooooooo hoping for a BFP. But no go. There's always next month.

I also emailed my ob and told him how the last visit made me feel...how I'd always thought so highly of him and how I was considering a new ob after our visit. He called me this morning and apologized...that he didn't mean he wouldn't help me but more that he thought since I'd tried on/off for the last year he wanted to see if I try consecutively if our BFP turns up. Anyway, he said give it the next two cycles (so it's 3 in a row) and then put me on something like clomid. Also, he said, in these next two cycles to take one baby aspirin a day along with my prenatal and folic acid. He said some women also swear by raspberry tea. He said he really believes I'll get a positive within the next two cycles since I didn't this month.

I'll give him the next two and then if he doesn't follow through on more help I'll find someone else.