[snsgirl336]

that you're ttc? Or how long you've been ttc and what struggles you might be facing?

Just curious since we've been keeping it quiet from everyone in real life for over 3 years now. The only people that know are DH's cousin and her hubby(who knew about out pregnancy and m/c), DH's boss (so he can get time off when needed) and I'll be telling the people I babysit for soon (I'll need time off from babysitting for Dr appts). I think this is the only secret I've kept this long! I'm so surprised at myself!

[SavaAngel]

We didn't tell anyone for a long time, well until I needed to go to the doctor a lot and needed a sitter.

[Augie]

We've had four miscarriages. Pretty much everyone knows.

[♥Ashley♥]

Well since we've had so many miscarriages and I was stupid and told alot of people the first time, my grandma, aunt, mom, stepdad, and sister know about our first loss. Only my mom and sister know about the second, and my sister knows about all of them. But everyone thinks that first time getting pregnant was not planned so im sure they dont think were TTC right now. The only person who knows that is my sister and best friend. Sometimes I want to shout it from the roof tops so everyone will be a little more sensitive, but 95% of the time I dont want anyone to know because to be honest im ashamed and embarassed that we have to go through this.

[~Lynda~]

i have a dear friend who knows, but no one else!!! even after 4 miscarriages, no one knows. don't want to share all this heartbreak with anyone. People just don't know what to say and are so uncomfortable about it. that's why i have you gals!!! smooches!!!

[~*Jackie*~]

I never officially told anyone except my Mom and Dad from the beginning. Then we told my MIL and FIL during our IVF (and obviously my boss). I think the news started trickling through the family, because I've found that no one bugs me about it anymore. I was dreading it at the family picnic last month, but no one really said anything. My cousin who had just had her baby was there and said that it only took them one time- literally- once so she was disappointed that they didn't have to "practice". I told her after 2 and a half years of practicing, it's not fun anymore. She understood. My aunt (Mom's sister) knows because she went through some infertility stuff too- but was blessed with her two sons without going through IUI or IVF, so the understanding sort of stops at a certain point. I've completely shut down talking about things after the IVF didn't work. Everyone was so sad for us and we were so sad that it's not worth mentioning any more trying to anyone. I didn't even tell Mom that I went back on Clomid this time.
If it wasn't for being able to vent and relate to folks on JM, I don't know where I'd be right now.

[jens1555]

Hi

There are only 2 people who know we are ttc, one being my DH (of course lol) and my best friend. I just don't want to go through the questions all the time. It is very hard, but it will be a huge suprise when we do get pregnant.

[SarieP]

Yup, EVERYONE knows! I wish now that we hadn't told anyone but I guess we can't take it back.

It's hard because people always ask me about it and most of the time I don't feel like talking about it. We haven't told ANYONE anything about this cycle though. We didn't say anything about the U/S, trigger, IUI, 2WW NADA!!! It's been kinda hard because people have asked me and I just say "well we are just kinda in limbo right now" I felt bad lying to my mom but I really didn't want people saying "did you find out yet? do you think your pregnant?"

[SKGirl]

I have told my parents because I work on the farm with them and need time off for doctors appts, u/s and such. I have also told my sister because when I was pregnant with my DD, I had told her I wanted my kids close together (I started TTC again when she was 3 months old). It is frustrating that after having one child that I can't seem to get pregnant again at all. I try not to tell anyone because I don't want anyone asking if I am pregnant yet.

[LuvMySon5]

Pretty much everybody in my family knows. Although nobody ever mentions it anymore. I think after two years people got tired of asking. Occasionally someobody will ask if we're still trying, of course I say "yeah", then it's dropped. DH and I were supposed to adopt a baby that was born in early April. (That fell through, the mother backed out, then lost custody anyway a couple months ago, go figure.) After the adoption didn't work out is when people quit bringing it up. SKGirl, I'm with on the frustration thing, sometimes I just wanna scream!!

[wishfulgal]

I'm usually a really private person and nobody except my sister knew that we were TTC our first child, but this time around, we've told quite a few people. Most people we've told just recently when we found out that DH has severe MFI and it's unlikely that we'll conceive again. He's having varicocele surgery, we're thinking of adoption, and it's just easier if people at least know that we'd like another child and it's not working out. I was just so sick of people joking about when we are going to have another one. I figure if people know, they will know to hush up and be more sensitive. If we ever do IUI or anything, we will not tell anyone the details of that b/c I don't want the pressure of everyon waiting to see if it worked.

[Servilia]

Our families know about my m/c and they know we want a baby so I guess they know we're TTC. My close friends know also, but they know not to ask me about it. I'm lucky to have sensitive friends. But casual acquaintances tend to be bad.. I keep getting asked whether I'm pregnant yet.

[aogilvie]

Hi, I'm a major lurker on this board. I used to be active, but not so much anymore. Don't get me wrong, we haven't had any success yet either - we're two years and counting - but I started to feel like I didn't need it so much after awhile.

I just wanted to pipe in on this thread. Thanks Cris for posting it. I felt so alone for so long and finally I couldn't handle it anymore. I hadn't told anyone except for my parents and pretty much no one else for the first eight months. But after that, I just tossed my secrecy out the window and started talking to people. I wanted to normalize my experience and get rid of some of the terrible, pressure-cooker feelings of failure that I felt. Once I started talking, I realized there are so many people walking around in my life that have their own story with this stuff. Don't ever underestimate the power of others to help you humanize your experiences. Once I started talking, I felt so much better, so much more supported, and everyone helps me in different ways. Some people never mention it and I appreciate that, others just wait for me to bring it up, and others actively ask because they care and have some basis of experience with it themselves. I work in the health field and I realize that EVERYONE has their burden with their bodies or will inevitably obtain one... bodies fail us in a million different ways and everyone takes it hard and everyone has to acclimate and change their life story to accomodate it. To me, I feel like we're all in this together.

Anyway, that's my two cents. Honestly, I was really surprised to see the majority of responses were that very few people know. Being open really helped me and I'm a frickin' hermit, believe me

Try it maybe, it might help.

I love you all and wish us all the best of luck.

ps. My husband just read this post and wanted me to add that he really thinks so too... its a gift to be able to talk to someone. As a guy sometimes its hard to admit things like infertility, but with the right people, he really feels better afterwards and more whole and healthy. Anyway, thats it

[lindanena]

Only my parents and sister know, I have great communication with them. Nobody else knows... because I feel very embarassed to disclose this if all my friends in the past 2 years, have been able to conceive and have had their babies. I have assisted in all the baby showers.. I don't want my friends to feel sorry for us.

[TheOnlyPink]

no one knows. i had a friend who was ttc too and she knew, but she got pregnant and she started saying inappropriate things like "you're trying to hard" or "you havent been trying very long" and stuff like that, so i told her we are taking a break from it.

I dont really have any other friends, and if i told my family, i know they would be amazing, but i just dont want to admit that its not happening for us, especially since ds was a total suprise!

[DukesMommy12]

Only my family and my best friend. His family doesnt even know were trying.

I cant stand the questions like "Oh when are you going to pop one out."
So were keeping our TTC a secret.

[snsgirl336]

I really go back and forth on this debate. I think that it's a personal decision ultimately, and while we haven't told anyone, I can see the times where it would be helpful if people knew.

We initally didn't tell anyone because we wanted to surprise anyone when we did get pregnant. Then it began to take a while and we didn't want anyone to offer us unsolicited advice that we've already heard a billion times. In our families, it seems the second you get married, you're supposed to have babies, and even when we weren't trying their "advice" got annoying. They mean well, and DH and I both know that and we don't take offense to it too often. There are times when the cousin who does know says something like "well it took us 4 months to conceive our son". I tend to cringe at those times. Yes, 4 months can seem like an eternity when you want a baby, but try 3 years and countless tests and procedures. It's hard.

Then we got to the point in our ttc journey where we didn't want to disappoint anyone or bring them down. If they knew that we failed cycle after cycle, we felt that it would be too hard for them. I guess you could say that we wanted to shield our families. We know they would be 1000% supportive, but we don't want to feel like a charity case either.

That being said, I do understand the stigma (if you will) of being infertile. What a horrible thing- your body is betraying you and you can't have a baby. You're broken... whay's wrong with you? etc. I recently read an article (wish I could find it now to share), about how people need to speak up about their inferility and raise awareness so that more research can be done, more people can become aware, and maybe health insurance companies will realize how important it is to offer coverage for infertility. They said that by being proactive about it will only be beneficial. I can totally see this side of the debate as well. It is true, but as women we tend to internalize a lot of our feelings for the most part.

So I guess i really made no point in this post... it's just a whole lot of blabbering! LOL. Sorry! Like I said in the beginning... I believe that it's a personal choice to tell or not- it depends on your family, friends, your personality, how you cope etc. I'm so thankful to have you all here to lean on for support. You always know the right things to say and have gotten me through countless heartbreaks and ups and downs.

[SavaAngel]

This past April/May there was an awareness movement for Infertility - Homepage : The National Infertility Association Check out Project IF

Here is a place you can get infertility awareness ribbons: Pink and Blue Awareness Ribbon Pins : Awareness Pins for Amniotic Fluid Embolism : Baby Safe Haven : Birth Defects : Male Breast Cancer : Hyperemesis Graviduram : Infant Loss : Infertility : Miscarriage : Pregnancy Loss : Premature Birth : SIDS : Sti

[KDD]

Except for 1 friend IRL we didn't tell anyone that we were TTC. We did tell our parents after the m/c happened, but that was it until we started the IVF process. Then we told our parents about it and also my Manager (due to needing time off).

I'm a private person and don't share things like this anyways. Plus, I find that I'm not very patient when it comes to dumb comments. My friend who knows about it all has 3 kids under 3 (each conceived on their first try), and even she would make dumb remarks (have you tried having sex every day?)

If I didn't have JM for support and venting I probably would have gone crazy.

[allison77]

My sister kept it quiet for awhile...it was rough on her.