[JessW7]

Hi, I'm just lurking but had a question for you ladies.
My close friend has been ttc for about a year with no luck. Me on the other hand, I started ttc a month later and now have a 2 month old...
I feel really bad that she n her DH are having such a hard time and I dont know what to say to be respectful but supportive. I feel guilty its easy for me and not for her.
But what can I say or do when we talk about her ttc?

Nobody else really knows she is ttc either and she is often asked, when r u gonna have a baby by family and friends. I can tell it bothers her because shes trying, but she doesnt say that.

[jesridge]

Hey... it's so nice to hear that you're interested in being supportive of your friend. It's so hard for many of us who have been trying for a year or more to be around people who get pregnant easily... (Every one of mine and my DH's siblings have had surprise babies... my SIL got pregnant twice on the pill!) It's even harder, though, when you're around family who don't know you're TTC and they openly ask questions like "so when are you going to have kids?" or "Where are your babies?" or "Don't you like children?" That's the worst, and never appropriate, in my opinion.
I think the thing I would most love to hear from any of them would just be that they understand how difficult it must be to go through infertility issues, that they don't regret their kids (oh wow.. this one drives me silly sometimes with my DH's sister), that they're there to be an ear if needed, and that they understand if I don't feel like being around them/the kids occasionally after a BFN or something. It's also really nice to be able to hang out with a friend who does have children, but hang out with them without the kids around, not talking about anything kid-related... just being pals and chatting about life in general. That really helps keep a friendship like that alive, I think.

I hope I helped a bit. Just want to say again that you're awesome for asking this question!

[Servilia]

It's nice that you want to be sensitive to your friend. In your situation I would just leave it at an "I'm sorry you're going through this" if she brings it up and tell her you're there to listen and maybe say you know it will happen for her. If she asks for any advice then feel free to share, but don't give it unsolicited. Also try not to complain about anything having to do with the kids in front of her.. that's a really hard one to take when you'd do anything to have a child.
You're a really nice friend.

[lindanena]

It is very nice of you, the way you want to be supportive and be there for your friend. Not many friends recognize that it is a struggle going through this phase.
I would say the same thing as Jesridge above suggested. Definately make time to spend with her without the kids and without kid talk at times, just to enjoy each others company. I guess if you are around when they ask her that question, maybe you can change the topic from who started it that helps a lot
All the best to your friendship, wish I had supportive friends like you.

[JessW7]

Thanks guys We have been friends forever and always planned to have babies together, its so hard to see them struggle and I'm sure harder for them. Thank you for the advice! She does spend a lot of time with me and the kids and loves holding my youngest all the time, I didnt realize the my little vents about the kids could be hurtful so thanks so much for letting me know!!
Best of luck to all of you ladies!

[snsgirl336]

Wow! What a refreshing post to see!
First- you're an amazing friend for being so supportive and concerned. I'm very sure she'll appreciate you being ther for her.

Next- I don't think that I've ever seen or heard of someone on the "outside" asking what is appropriate to talk about and say to a friend who is struggling with ttc and I've been around for over 3 years! LOL

I would just tell your friend that while you have no idea what she's going through, you don't want to see her alone and that you're there for her. Be honest and take her cues. She'll for sure have ups and downs and may or may not want to see you with your kiddos. Don't take that personally. TTC is such an emotional journey. Lend an ear when you can, give her space when she needs it and don't offer any unsolicited advice. (The term- Relax and it will happen- UGH! Hate that!)

Maybe even ask her how you can be the best support to her. I'm very sure she'll appreciate that you're trying. You can suggest that she joins here if you want as well. The girls here are super supportive and know just what she's going through.

In the end, I'm sure your friendship will be more than helpful to your friend. I give you tons of credit for going the extra mile and coming here to see what you can do to help your friend!