[mandi.leigh]

Hi! I'm Mandi... I got on this board months ago and I don't remember where I even posted so I'm coming back to say hi. I'm not sure what thread to even post in... we've been TTC since my husband got back from deployment last November-this is BFN month #10 for us-and we are both being treated for secondary infertility.

I am on the BEST usmc site, a lot of my best friends are on that board, but I haven't posted about my struggles on there because honestly all of them are getting pregnant (one called with news this morning) and I don't feel like I could honestly express myself without them feeling like I'm resentful (I'm excited for them, really... just very JEALOUS!) ...we just moved to a new state in April, and I don't really have a support system here yet-the town is kind of older, I guess you could say-and I only know a few people so far (and not many in my church are our age).

But I need hugs and support! Things are moving in a generally good direction but can't help but feeling continually heartbroken. My husband just had a varicocele embolization done almost two weeks ago, and I am about to have a scope done in a week to find out why I have a blocked tube-so we're definitely hopeful that in 6 months or so things could possibly work out in our favor but as you all know, 6 months can seem like an eternity!

I'm hoping to get to know some of you that share the same struggles... I know we will all get through this and things will work out the way they are supposed to, but I guess those who pray for patience sure get it

[domestikatie]

<3 I joined this part of the board, too. haha! i'm glad you're in here now.

we've got this, mandi. i'm so lucky i have you to help me through this, but i wish neither of us needed the support at all. why is this such a challenge for some of us?

i think that even though i've had some hard days and some harder days, today was my first serious breakdown because we got news that a family member is pregnant and nowhere near ready (mandi already knows this part of my day). it was the first time i've ever been completely suffocatingly jealous and felt like grieving. i know 6 months isn't long compared to some, but every month can get harder. trying to stay positive can seem so impossible when others just have it so easy.
I will say that one good thing that's come out of TTC is meeting people who are going through the same hardships and knowing that wonderful things come out of hurtful situations.
So thanks Mandi (we went to college together and have known each other for years but weren't nearly as close as we are now until we started our TTC journey) and to all of the other ladies who have offered up endless encouragement despite their own broken hearts. This will happen for us!