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I wrote this on March 27th, for the TTC Board to tell My TTC story for Mom of the Week. Little did I know that I was already
My TTC Story
DH and I started dating in August of 2007. I proposed to my husband after dating for 2 ˝ years. April 24th 2010, I got to marry my best friend. We decided very early on that we wanted to wait approx. 6 months before TTC. December of 2010 I went to my OB/GYN for a check up before starting our TTC journey. In the midst of our first year of marriage and TTC DD was referred to a genetic specialist. In January of 2011 DD went to her appointment due to some cafe au lait spots on her. Cafe au lait spots are linked to a genetic illness called Neurofibromatosis. This is a very rare, uncurable, intreatable illness that cause mainly benign but can be malignant tumors to grow anywhere on the inside and outside of the body. The genetic specialist referred us to the opthomologist to see if DD had any of these tumors in her eyes. DD went in March 9th (the day after DH birthday) and the dr found 3 tumors in one eye and 2 tumors in the other...
Here I am trying to look brave for my DD who has had every possible thing inserted into her eye. Trying to pretend that this is normal... That doctors do this to normal people all the time.. As the doctor looked into by baby girl’s eyes, made a deep sigh, looked at me and then back at my daughter and nodded his head. I lost it... I had to excuse myself saying "Mommy is just crying ‘cause I have to pee really bad, and I will be right back" I left the exam room and fell to my knees in shock and anger. My brother who was there in the waiting room had to literally help be into a chair.
How is it possible that this little girl, that I almost miscarried twice, and both of us almost died when I was in labor with her, a child who has been through the divorce of her parents, be given such another enormous thing on her plate. Can't this child catch a break?!?
I spoke to my current DH (who btw is more than a dad to DD than her own father is) about the situation and TTC. I didn’t want another child if this genetic illness is carried on my side. I felt responsible for my DD having this illness, and if I had another child knowing that this illness is on my side I definitely would be responsible. It is a 50% chance to pass this illness onto offspring. This illness has the potential to be a deadly illness. It would be like having HIV and choosing to have a child and passing it along... completely in my opinion irresponsible, and I didn’t want to do that to another child. I cant bare to see my DD with this illness let alone another child.
So I went through the genetic screening. I am happy to say that the illness does not run on my side. So DH and I have been TTC for almost 16 months now in total, but TTC for 1 year since we found out I don’t have this illness, and we are having issues conceiving. I am angry about this. I feel like I did the responsible thing, in getting tested and making sure this illness does not run on my side, just to run into road blocks... Can my family not possibly catch a break here?????
With all this being said.... I had been seeing my OB/GYN who was not helpful and a dear friend of mine referred me to her OB/GYN who is wonderful and completely on my side, and even knows what my DD diagnosis is, and understands my concerns.
The OB prescribed prometrium to induce a cycle and clomid to help me ovulate.. I was nervous and excited.... I wished AF would show her ugly face so I can move onto this new cycle with the possibility of conceiving... well… conception did not happen. I have tried everything I can possibly think of. I have tried Preseed, OPKs, Temping, Pineapple Core, soft cups, I take vitamins, I prop up my hips after BD’ing, I stand on my head and do the holey pokey… I mean hey isn’t that what its all about . I am now at the end of my 2nd clomid cycle, and AF is suppose to show on Friday. I want to be hopeful, but am finding it hard. I don’t want to get my hopes up only to have them come crashing down. I am trying to relax, and lean on God to carry me through this. It has been a very long and difficult journey our first 2 years of marriage. But, I am comforted in knowing that if we can make it through these first couple years, through trials that some couples never even face, then we can make it through anything.
This TTC Journey has brought DH and I closer together. My heart always longed for a marriage where DH and I could come together and pray as a couple. With my ex this never happened. I finally got the courage last month to ask DH to start praying as a couple. Now every night before bed we take turns praying together. It is amazing. I feel like there is a unity and bond that comes from praying together. I am also thankful that I have had the wonderful blessing and honor of hosting the TTC Board. I find that it is an opportunity to shine God’s love, comfort, and peace to those that post on our board. What an amazing tool God has given us to be able to speak the good news, edify, and uplift our fellow sister.
The very next evening I found out I was pregnant. God heard my cry and has blessed me and my family. I am convinced that this was an act of God. Literally the only thing we did differently this cycle was pray. We took turns on who would pray each night, but we untied as a couple and prayed, for our parents, our DD, and for God to help us expand our family. Yes, even after BD’ing we still prayed… I am overjoyed that God can be exalted in this.
I just want to encourage everyone.... please take time for yourselves.... relax, ( I know we hate that statement but it helps).... I took me realizing that it takes 3 to conceive a child; Me, DH, and God. I can do everything right, stand on my head the right way, do the hokey pokey, BD the right night, the right way, and not get pregnant. Relaxing does not mean "DO NOTHING", no it means, you do what your suppose to do and once you ovulate, let it go. I still took my Clomid, tried to BD every other night, used OPKs and BD every night of +OPKs, even BD the day I got my first - OPK afterwards, temped to confirm O and once I confirmed that I let it go. My job was done, and it was time for God to do His part.
I pray that each and every single woman here gets a sense of peace, and comfort. I pray that everyone gets their BFPs real soon, and that they are SUPER DUPER STICKY BEANS!!!!
DH and I began TTC when the doctor told us it may be difficult, and that my ovaries really needed some "rest time". We thought we'd wait a little longer, but decided what the doctor said was the Lord's way of telling us it was time to start trying. We also want a large family, and with my endometriosis, we knew we needed to start soon. We did all the "right" things. We timed BD well, we used the right lube, I ate right, took the right supplements, and we both took good care of ourselves. But cycle after cycle I got BFNs and AF would show up on time.
This cycle I did do a few things differently. I began a diet that is supposed to reduce inflammation due to endo and I took a supplement that has been shown to increase pregnancy levels in women with endo (it doesn't work for the general population, though). I also took fish oil to reduce inflammation. I did some pelvic fertility massage in the beginning of the cycle. The day before and day of O I also added just a pinch of baking soda in with my Conceive Plus lube. I didn't have high hopes this month because after this many cycles, you kind of start losing hope. But I kept reminding myself of God's faithful love. That if He loves me enough to send His only Son to die on my behalf, then He would not withhold any good gift from me. I kept thinking of that passage that says no father gives his son a stone when he asks for bread. I was convinced that God would not keep sending AF when we asked for a baby. And I rested in His character. He alone is the ultimate giver of life, and He could get me pregnant even if I only BDed once a cycle.
And this month He did. I am so thrilled, I can't even put it into words. I am humbled and amazed. He is so good and He is so faithful! Ladies, I know some of you have been struggling for months or even years. Keep pressing forward! It can and will happen for you too!
DH and I got married in 2001 and because I was 19 we decided to put off having kids for a bit. Well, after 8 years of marriage we figured we were ready and decided to go off of the pill. We had lots of fun trying for awhile, but then when nothing was happening I started OPK's and each month never got a positive (but my periods were 30 days like clockwork). After trying over a year we went to my OB who put me on 50mg of clomid. After a few months of no success, the dosage was moved to 100mg. I was having a very difficult time emotionally with all of this, and ultimately felt like a failure as a woman. There were so many people who would ask constantly when we were going to have kids, and we didn't share we were ttc so that made it even harder. I found JM in the middle of all of this and found amazing support, but still longed to have a baby and was getting very frustrated and depressed. It effected my entire world, even my work. In June of last year we decided, along with our RE to give it one more shot and then move on to IUI, and hope that worked since DH's SA was above normal and we knew I was the issue. In July I took my 100mg of clomid, but was done. i was so drained that month I decided I didn't care anymore and didn't track anything. We were going on a cruise for our 10th wedding anniversary and that was where my head was. I just wanted to get away with DH and forget about everything. When we got back from our cruise I had the usually CD 24 bloodwork and like we thought, the numbers weren't good. We were ready to move on and get started with IUI. On august 12th AF was due, and although usually i would have tested 1000 times in the days beforehand, I had no desire this month. I woke up and on my way to the bathroom realized af was due, but I had no symptoms of her coming. I figured "what the heck" and decided to just go for it. I peed in my red solo cup and within seconds of putting my IC test into the cup it was positive! I lost my mind. DH was just leaving for work and I quickly ran down the stairs and out the front door, in my underwear, banging on the back of his truck so he didn't drive off. I was crying, I was shaking, and he was looking at me like i was nuts standing in the front yard in my underwear! He rolled down his window and waving the test around I said "I didn't plan on telling you this way, but we are pregnant!". He looked at me and said "but the tests this month all came back bad, it can't be". We went inside and sitting there on the counter was my cup of pee and I did another IC, a FRER, and a digi, all of which were quickly positive. I immediately went to the doctor that morning for betas and the number came back over 1800. We were over the moon. It turns out the baby was conceived on our cruise, the day after our 10th wedding anniversary, best vacation souviner ever! Everyone told me to stop trying and it would happen, but its not easy to stop trying. Well, giving up worked for us. Our little monster is due in 3 weeks!
Good luck ladies- this is not an easy road you are on. Just know that you are not alone.