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How do you deal with jealousy


Forum: Trying to Conceive Six Months +

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  #1  
November 24th, 2013, 11:13 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 13
I need some advice from woman that are going through the same struggle. I don't really feel like my friends and family understand since none of them have had to struggle to get pregnant. We have been trying for about 8 months. Last month was my first month of Clomid (100mg on days 3-7) which was unsuccessful. I didn't even ovulate . I am back on Provera now.
Well in the last two days I found out a coworker is pregnant, a good friend, and my best friend. I am struggling internally because I am so beyond excited for them but so jealous at the same time. I feel like I had a mini emotional breakdown the other night because none of them are even trying to get pregnant. it is brought me to the point where I am whatever about it. I mean I will take my meds but I don't want to track anymore because I get to obsessed with it. I need to get over these feelings because I want to be in the moment and supportive of their journey (hence why I haven't shared my emotions with them). I feel guilty for having these emotions and don't know how to deal with them. It is something I need to get over. I can't break down in tears every time I think of it. I believe everything happens for a reason, but I Just can't figure this one out.
Has anyone else experienced this? How do you deal with the jealous emotions?
Sorry for such a the long posts (aka vent) and thanks for reading. I will take all the advice I can get.
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  #2  
November 27th, 2013, 06:20 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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Hi. I don't know if I have any advice, but I basically feel the same way. My two best friends (and several other people I know) are pregnant right now and I've been trying for over a year (although not accomplishing the deed at the right time each of those months). We are all in our late 30's and all just got married in the last 2 years. I was the first to get married, but obviously the last in successfully getting prego. Like you, I am very happy for them and have known them for about 20 years, but it has added to my extreme baby fever and emotional obsession. I keep telling myself that it's not a competition and that it will happen for me when it's meant to (I'm not religious), but I also feel very alone because no one I know can relate. I haven't gone to get tested (except Day 3 labs which were fine) because I honestly think it's more about syncing up the DH and my schedules and well-being than about anything physically wrong. I might be fooling myself though. My DH is not much of a "light switch". He has a good drive, but is easily affected by emotions (kind of like a woman) and when life happens, sometimes that makes BD not happen. Sooooo frustrating. Sorry for my long reply as well.
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  #3  
December 3rd, 2013, 08:21 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 13
I totally know how frustrating it can be. I spoke with my friend to let her know I might have to back away sometimes just so I can get my feelings in check. I recognize they are my emotions and issues with my situation. Not her and her pregnancy. I also started working out and writing a journal. Nothing major. Just something so I can get the thoughts out of my head. I started taking vitamin B. I found out it is a natural anti depressant. Man has it done wonders. This is probably not the best attitude but I have also gotten to the point where I am doing what my doc says and nothing more. I am not tracking my temp, etc. I realize I become it obsessed and so let down when I get a BFN. So I am hoping that relaxes me a little. Baby dust to us both!!!
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  #4  
December 6th, 2013, 12:05 PM
Libby22's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Everyone seems to be pregnant taken a year and still not
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  #5  
December 17th, 2013, 10:49 AM
Missymoos's Avatar 1st time Momma-to-be
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Location: Ontario (Canada)
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Hi Ladies,

I've been looking over some of the TTC conceive threads and really wanted to reach out to you here.

What you are feeling is 120% normal, it took us two years to conceive our first and in that time, four close friends and two relatives announced their pregnancies...not to mention the countless co-workers (I work for a big firm and HR sends out "Baby News" whenever someone has their baby...waaaay too many received over that 2 year period).

But let's be honest, that jealousy will not disappear and it is ok to be happy for your friends but still a little green...so long as you keep your venting of this jealousy to your support circle and do not take it out on your friends who are expecting, esp. if they are unaware of your difficulty trying to accomplish the same goal.

Here's a little food for thought too - we did finally conceive this past September (on our own and against the odds our fertility clinic gave us), and here I am all excited to finally be "part of that club", when my best friend tells me she is also pregnant! This is her second but I honestly felt a few moments of resentment...how dare she get pregnant at the same time as me, and so easily too! I still feel a tiny bit of the resentment because she is due so close to me and everyone says "oh how wonderful that you get to go through this together" - ba humbug! This is supposed to be MY time, not hers, lol. I would never let her know though because obviously she did not plan to conceive at the same time as me on purpose and what are the odds even if she did!

We are human, and we go through these emotions - it's how you act upon them that matters and I think your talking to your friend about why you may need to step back every once in a while is a really honest and honourable thing to do. Now she will not be hurt if you seem less excited than she thought you would be, and she'll probably be a little more sensitive to your situation as well. Hopefully you'll become closer for it

Last edited by Missymoos; December 17th, 2013 at 10:51 AM. Reason: typo
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  #6  
December 30th, 2013, 09:10 AM
alicenwonderland's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Big hugs! It took 2 years to TTC my first. I felt the same way. I found I coped best by faking happiness with my friends, and venting here. I also didn't hide my disappointment in a failed cycle, but I tried to keep any public negative feelings on myself, because I didn't want to take away from my friends experiences.

I know it hurts though. It's so easy to forget that time once you have a little one in your arms.
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  #7  
February 9th, 2014, 08:59 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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We are still TTC and it's been a year. It's kind of a bitter sweet feeling when you hear your friends and other family members that they are pregnant, you fell happy and yet you somehow feel that you are lacking. I sometimes have to fake a smile and avoid looking at my husband at times. It hurts, but somehow you just learn to live with it everyday. I've learn to appreciate my husband more for being patient with me and I've learned to be more thankful of everyday.
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  #8  
February 11th, 2014, 10:07 AM
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I completely understand those feelings. My brother and sister in law now have two boys, and with both of them, were conceived on the first try. So as of two weeks ago, they have 2 boys 18 months apart. And when they announced their pregnancy on our wedding day, I was excited and thought "oh yay, ill be pregnant soon too". Now shes delivered and I'm still trying and getting frustrated because ttc has apparently made my cycle irregular. Don't get me wrong, I love my nephews to pieces, but I can't help be discouraged, and sort of feel like a failure. I see how badly my DH wants a baby, and every month that I tell him I'm late but not pregnant, i see a look of disappointment in his eyes. Trying not to blame myself, but its just a lot of pressure. My in-laws have gotten 3 new grandbabies in the last 18 months and I can't seem to have 1.
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  #9  
February 11th, 2014, 10:32 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Ohio
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I think feeling like that is normal or at least I hope it is because I feel the same way. We've been trying for awhile now and during that time, my husbands cousin found out she was pregnant and since they had the baby they're already talking about having another one. During christmas everyone thought another cousin was pregnant, ended up not true, but it still made me jealous. It's also hard when family is always asking when we're going to have a baby and we just keep saying, maybe some day if it happens. No one knows that we've been trying for so long so maybe it'd be easier if they did know but I don't want to tell anyone.
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  #10  
May 24th, 2014, 08:52 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 976
Just lurking around.. Wanted to add we concieved #1 first try.. Our second was so frustrating cause I had some unexplained medical issues. Weird fatigue, nausea, bone pain, depression. .. everyone around me, church friends, co-workers was getting pregnant and I fell more depressed.. Nobody could console me.. By the grace of god we found out I had gluten sensitivity, later would lead to wheat allergy..celiac disease. .dairy allergy... Dr thinks first pregnancy triggered family history of allergies.. as soon as I started gluten free diet that first month we were preggo... I know how u feel. Because celiac will cause depression and on top of that everyone else is healthy and preggo.. Its like u are all alone. Definitely i am praying for u now.
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  #11  
July 7th, 2014, 08:32 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 49
Hello! it's so funny I came across this thread because this is me right now. My sister in law just found out she is pregnant... They have been married 2 months and this is not in their plans. Of course they are excited but I cried in the middle of the Coach store. Pretty embarrassing but I have no shame. Not to mention my best friend is on her third in three years with her first girl. So she is off in baby girl land and this just plops down in front of my face.


The way I deal with it... understand that friendships go through phases and while I love my best friend and all her babies, sometimes I just can't be their for her. Sometimes you have to focus on you and your well being. Just focus on you. Luckily for me, they both live 3 and 5 hours away so they are not in my face every day. But think about all the awesomeness in your life. How much love you are surrounded with.
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  #12  
July 10th, 2014, 08:55 AM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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I was browsing the forums when I saw this thread. This is going to be long! I have had a mostly difficult TTC journey. It's over now, thank God. It truly was a miserable time for me, and I know very well how you are feeling.

I conceived the first time a year after I was married. We had been trying for a year, and I didn't even realize I was pregnant until I miscarried at 8 weeks. While I was going through the miscarriage, I had an acquaintance to bump into me at the store. She was pregnant with #4. She didn't have custody of #1 or #2 and #3(twins...). She introduced us to her new husband, and told him we did things 'right' by getting married first. He patted her belly and said, "Well, I bet they don't have one of these!" Four months later #4 was pretty much caught by the social worker. She never even held that child.

It took another year to get pregnant and during that time these are the pregnancies around me:

my half sister emails pictures of her newborn...that no one in the family knew she was pregnant with
a friend ends up with a shotgun wedding
a cousin ends up with a shotgun wedding
another cousin gets his wife pregnant with his first a few months after
a new co-worker starts work pregnant
another co-worker quits work because she's pregnant
an unmarried co-worker gets an oopsie
the aquaintance that got pregnant with #4? pregnant with #5....also taken by the state
I also have 2 friends and my SIL to conceive about the same time


I just looooved my life.


After my daughter was born, we had two chemicals around the time she was 18 months.

My sister gets pregnant with #3.
My unmarried co-worker gets oopsie #2.
My 2 friends and SIL conceive #2 at the same time and all have baby girls in the same month named Something Grace(all second babies conceived before their first was a year!).
My couisn (not the shotgun wedding one) gets his wife pregnant with his second, a son this time.


Almost a year later, I get pregnant....with twins! And I miscarry my twins right before I hit my second trimester. At this point, I figure dead babies are just my life.

Three months after the D&C, I try again. I went on to conceive a baby due on Christmas Day. And I immediately lost him or her. While I am bleeding this baby out, one of my best friends (one that had a Something Grace) decided to TTC one more time for a boy. She gets pregnant 1st try. With a boy. Luckily, I FINALLY get pregnant with #2 6 weeks later.

I end up getting my very own oopsie when #2 was 9 months old, and miscarrying that child. I wasn't planning on letting that happen again, but it did. Just a month after that miscarriage, I honestly did not think I was fertile. Got my third. And then I was on the other end. My best, oldest friend had been TTC for 2 years, and I got an oopsie. I felt so guilty for it. She ended up getting pregnant 6 weeks later, but delivered a couple months early. Our babies almost share birthdays. I was so so happy she got pregnant!


Oh, that acquaintance that had all 5 of her children seized by the state? She was 2 months pregnant with #6 when I got pregnant with #3. The state let her keep him.


I had a lot of bad thoughts about pregnant people through the years I was TTC. I actually chewed my sister out for getting pregnant with #3. I was going through a miscarriage, and I get an email about a pull and pray pregnancy. Get this, the woman was watching Walking Dead, and thought if zombies actually happened, no one could remove her Mirena. So she had the OBGYN do it while she was still human. FIRST TIME SHE OVULATED. PREGNANT!

I am really so happy I am done. TTC is a nightmare for me. I am still jealous of all these women that have easy times conceiving that go on to easy pregnancies. All of your feelings are perfectly normal. When you finally conceive, I'm not saying you'll love your child more than other mothers, but like a lot of other ladies with a hard time conceiving you will definitely appreciate your baby and the process.

I hope it happens soon for you, and I hope you never have to wait this long again! Babydust!
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Last edited by Spyctre; July 10th, 2014 at 08:59 AM.
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  #13  
August 14th, 2014, 10:59 PM
Libby22's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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few ladies in my losses ddc are on to there 3rd baby
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