[Gina1978]

I was SO exited when I started TTC back in July..I was feeling energetic and happy and I started making future plans involving a new baby,it was going to be easy...
Then I joined JM and discovered the other side of TTC..the side that made me realise that it may not be so easy
I was happy back when I was naive...back when I thought that all there was to TTC was BDing a whole lot,thats how I conceived my other 2 kids and Id never had problems..But now Iv seen the other side,Im not happy,exited or optimistic any more,Im just affraid,tired and sad,and Im positive that its affecting me and my ability to have another baby due to so much stress
Does anyone know what I mean?
JM is a wonderful way to share experiences,find help and friends who are in your same situation,I love it here and Im totally hooked since the day I joined..but I have also found that some days,I read through posts and leave my computer feeling more stressed and worried than I was when I sat down.
I see the tickers of the women who have been trying for so long and my heart aches for them..I see posts and posts of ladies who are using meds just to ovulate and still not conceiving and I feel sad for them...I see how people reach the 2ww feeling so many symptoms and then how upset they are when AF arrives etc and then I find myself feeling selfishly sad and worried for myself..
I cant help but think "oh no..what if that happens to me?"..."what if I am here 2 years from now?" kwim?
It sounds horrible but I cant shake the stress and worry and each day it gets worse and worse with each post that I read
TTC is hard..I realise that now.I also realise how incredibly lucky I was to conceive so easily and quickly the first two times and I thank god for my children,I really do.But I would give anything to wipe my mind of all that I have learned in these past 4 months.I want to go back to just asuming that I´ll get pregnant any day now and not knowing that even though I already have 2 kids,it doesnt mean that I´ll be able to have more...I want to go back to feeling the inocence I felt when I started TTC so that I can enjoy it and not spend day after day after day worrying and stressing that somethings wrong or that I could be TTC for years
Does anyone else feel that knowing so much about this subject is totally not helping? Or is it just me?
I try SO hard to stay away from any posts that I feel will upset me or make me worry,I try to clear my head when I leave the computer so that I wont keep going over and over something that Iv read...I try not to get emotionally involved when I see someone so upset (thats is the hardest part of all),but its no use anymore..
TTC is suddenly the hardest thing in the world for me,I get upset daily,I think I have all sorts of problems and I get depressed wondering how long I´ll be TTC....
Im so tired...
Thanks so much for this board! Because even if nobody reads or awnsers these posts,it helps so much to just spill out these feelings and see them in black and white

[stowers2k3]

Not that I am happy that people on JM have trouble getting pg right away, but I am very thankful that I get to meet all these great women that have this abundance of knowledge that I no where near have. I didn't even know what a SA (sperm analysis) was until I came on here when they told us my dh would need to have one.
I know what you mean though about getting depressed and not wanting to get on here very often anymore. I've actually wondered if that is the reason TTC 6+months board doesn't have a lot of action on it like the other boards. I know that when so many people are getting BFPs and I'm not - I get depressed, when others are not able to get pg no matter what - I get depressed, it's almost a lose/lose game, kwim?
But then there are those like JLK that have tried for so long and finally she gets to come on here and tell us she is pg, and I am so over joyed for her, that it all kind of makes itself right
I know that sounds corny but that's how I've come to terms with JM.
I hope you get your BFP soon Gina! I can't wait to see those 2 pretty pink lines!

[mbrown31683]

I have my days too. It gets tougher and tougher every month that goes by without a BFP. Before I came here it felt like everyone I knew was pregnant, I think JM has really helped me feel like I was not the only one in the world who wanted to be pregnant but was not. I know what you mean about being stressed out about it and worrying that stress may be preventing you from getting your BFP, it is hard not to think about it though, when it is something you want so bad, and thought you would have by now! I wouldn't worry so much, even though you got pregnant with your first 2 so fast, 4 months is definately normal! Good luck and I hope to hear good news from you really soon!

[Jessesgirl04]

I can most certainly relate! I have been pregnant 4 times in the past and each pregnancy was either unplanned or happened immediately after we started ttc. DH and I have been ttc for almost 10 months now and I seriously do not understand why it's not happening for us. My period is regular so I'm pretty sure I'm ovulating. Dh and I bd during my fertile window every stinkin month but then AF shows up. I have cut way back on visiting JM the last couple of months because even though I love it, it's not always healthy for me. I actually don't obsess over ttc as much when I'm away from the boards. It's hard to read all the BFP stories or see the pregnancy boards and tickers when I'm feeling down and depressed. It just reminds me that I'm not pregnant and I really want to be. Anyway, sorry to jump in on your post, but I can definitely relate. Take care