[butterflyjmb]

Sometimes I get so mad at reading posts because someone is whining about not getting pregnant quickly with their 4th or 5th child. I like reading all of the posts on the ttc boards, but when I read these I think, "What about all of the girls that haven't been able to get pregnant with their 1st child!!!!" How insensitive is that to us. These people at least have a child to love and hold. I know I will regret saying this one day, hopefully, but sometimes I think these ladies don't realize what they should be thankful for. Sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings. I do feel bad for feeling this way, and it is selfish. I even try to just stay on the TTC #1 board for this very particular reason. I just needed to get it off of my chest. Thanks.

[stowers2k3]

((((((((HUGS))))))))))
I know how you feel. I have a friend who is ttc their 4th child and she is on her 2nd cycle this month and she is whining cause she didn't get pg right away like she did the other 3. HER 2nd CYCLE!!! and she's complaining?!?!
I hope we all get our BFPs in the new year and won't be on the ttc boards anymore!

[Bug-n-Ed]

I do have two children and I'm very grateful for them. I've been pg three times (one ended in miscarriage) and all three times it took 6 cycles (not 6 months as the last one was after a miscarriage and my cycles were messed up for awhile). I did have to have a laparascopy to treat my endo before I got pg with my youngest. This time it's taking longer and I'm wondering if I need to have another lap done.

Secondary infertility is just as hard as primary infertility. Yes, we already have children, but it's the same heartache to struggle getting pg again when you want another one so bad. It's different, but still hard.

Hopefully, you'll be able to conceive one and carry to term soon. Don't worry, I wasn't offended, just trying to explain the "other" side.

[butterflyjmb]

I totally understand.. I think I was very emotional when I wrote that. It is good to hear the other side though, to know that it is just as frustrating to someone else who already has had children. Thank you for your support. I really appreciate it.

[lizm75]

Jennifer I know how you feel. It is such a sensitive matter. I hope you get PG soon.

[llombardi]

I am brand new to this website and love that there is a place were you can vent, lol. I am in a similar boat as everyone else. I had 2 previous miscarriages, and now have been trying to conceive with my hubby for 7 months, it gets so frustrating, month after month when all you want is one healthy child. My doctor started me on clomid, has anyone tried this regime?

[Blue Eyes 409]

I know what you mean (((((((((hugs)))))))))) I have a 10 year old and I am thankful for her but at the same time I was upset about not getting pregnant I also know that I had 1 child and if I could not have another then I was lucky to have her.

[Gina1978]

I understand what you are trying to say,and I feel like you are talking about me (amongst others) because I DO whine alot and Im TTC my 3rd (sorry about that) .
I want to expalin...
I wasnt even trying when I got pregnant with my son,I was 18 and on BCP.When I was 21,I started TTC my first baby with DH and it took me over 5 months..I was fine with that,Im not an impatient person.
Now,I have been TTC since July (almost 6 months now) and I get VERY upset,but not because Im impatient or selfish or because I didnt get pregnant in a week..but because my cycles are SO screwed up since I stopped BCP in July,and I dont even think Im ovulating..I just feel like the months are passing and all the efforts Im putting into TTC are for nothing...I feel like Im wasting time.
What Im saying is,it doesnt matter if a woman already has children or not..the fact is,for every month that passes,it gets harder and harder for us all,and we all hurt and worry and get over sensitive about it.I actually find it very upsetting when someone tells me that Iv ONLY been trying for 6 months,infact,its something that really p****s me off to hear,because we all know that when TTC,the days and weeks just drag along and even a month can seem like so much longer.Its true,I do already have 2 wonderful children,but to me,that doesnt mean that I cant vent or feel frustrated or that if I do,I should be ignored because I already have kids..I want a baby just as much as a woman with no kids does and I get just as upset as those women do too,kwim? Weather we have kids already or not,it doesnt matter..we are all in the same boat and we will all have bad days where we feel like we have been trying forever..even though it may have only been a couple of months...I feel for all women who are TTC,when I see their posts and see how upset and frustrated they are,I can feel their pain and I could just reach into my computer screen and hug them...it really doesnt matter if they have no kids or if they have 7...they hurt in the exact same way
TTC makes us paranoid,sensible and alot less tolerant..that is a fact,and it sucks .
I just hope everyone eventually gets their BFP,we all deserve it after all we go through...

[Jessesgirl04]

Just because we aren't ttc our first child doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like crazy to get a BFN month after month. I cry every single month that I don't get my BFP. I'm sorry but I do find your post insensitive.

[butterflyjmb]

Just because we aren't ttc our first child doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like crazy to get a BFN month after month. I cry every single month that I don't get my BFP. I'm sorry but I do find your post insensitive.[/b]

I am sorry that I upset you. Like I said before, I was really emotional that day when I wrote that. I wasn't posting about anyone in particular. I wish I had kept my vent to myself. At first it felt really good to write what I was feeling, but now when I come back and see everyone's responses of how I have hurt them I feel worse than I did before. I am sorry and will watch more closely of what I post next time.


I edited because of a misspelled word.

[~Sandy~]

I just wanted to say here that everyone has different feelings on every subject.. While I understand what you mean and how you feel, I think that sometimes it comes out of our mouths different than the way we think it in our heads if you know what I mean.

See the heartache or primary and secondary infertility ARE two different things. With primary you have never felt that love and that joy, and its ok to be angry when others (such as myself) whine about getting pregnant again. I think it's important to understand that your angst and my angst are the same yet totally different.

See my son is 8 (yesterday actually) and my and my husband have been trying for just about 2 years.... we have had one ectopic and 8 miscarriages.... I am on med after med .... When I had my son I was 17 and I got pregnant on the depo shot.... What I feel right now is far beyond any hurt I have ever felt before. Yes I have a child already and yes I am grateful, even more grateful thinking he may be the only one I get.

To someone with primary infertility the statement above is offensive and rude..... in the mind you think Well geez you have one be happy....

It is totally understandable to me..... you cannot control how you feel and that is okay. This journey is long and rough for us all whether for the first time or the 4rth time.... At the core we are all in this together...

Infertility is an ugly word and its bad enough that anyone has to go through it at all. We are all going to get some pretty hardcore feelings about cartain things and its more important to be here for eachother and try to understand the place that we are each in.... Sometimes we will be pretty negative and sometimes not... Good with Bad ...like marriage lol

Butterfly, if you felt that way at that moment and you needed to get it out, thats what we are here for.. I am one of the types that you were talking about, but its ok, I understand...... No need to feel bad...

(((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

Our day WILL come

[dzine21]

I'm one to think after I speak. And I've said some bad things here on the boards. I sometimes catch it later and go back to change it or say I'm sorry. We asked for this subforum so we had a place to say things-good or bad. It's difficult to know how someone is trying to say things-as in what tone of voice they would use of hand guestures to go along with it. It'll never matter what you say on a board, it's how the others that are reading it interpret it.
In fact I'm so bad at communication, I lost a friend about it. Years later we forgot about it and now we're fine. But I always need to watch what I say to her.
We want you to share things here. That's why we are all here. If we didn't want to talk about it, we be lost. It's ok that we vent about all sorts of things like this matter here. We respect each other no matter which view of the subject we stand behind.

[Gina1978]

ITA with Sandy and dzine,Im not offended by anything thats said on this board because I totally understand that whilst TTC,we can have VERY bad days,and the fact that we can let it out on here is such a HUGE help,and Im one of those that vents often because it makes me feel so much better once I can see it in black and white.
I LOVE this board,I think its a WONDERFUL idea and I often come on here to either vent,or read other peoples complaints..it reminds me that Im not all alone and that we are all worried,scared and angry about the same things.
I suggest that nobody takes offense in anything they read on here,because the person who posted could have been having a really lousy day and just needed to let off some steam or just to share what she was thinking that particular day (which is totally normal..who hasnt had those days?).
There are (and should be) lots of posts like this on this board,and if that person feels better afterwards,and can carry on about her day feeling a little less stressed,then this board has served its purpose and thats a good thing right?

I understand which is why I always add to my posts.. maybe the Lord's plan is for me to have my two so I never complain. I do get my hopes built up tho just to have them wrenched out from underneath me. I've been trying for 2.5 years and the first year I was very upset, but I've learned to internally hold my emotions inside bc after a while its like beating a dead horse..whats the point. Its very understandable how you feel, but you have to understand though its just as painful for me to get a negative and have surgeries and then get negative after negative as it is for you.

One thing women who do have other children undersatnd that women who do not is what it feels like to sit on a toliet with the hopes and expectations to see TWO PINK lines only to get a control line and nothing else.. so maybe thats something to think about also.

I've learned on these boards too we're all raging with hormones and I try not to take things personally. So don't worry about ur post..its normal to feel this way.

[heathernoel]

It IS a venting room, so you have the right to express yourself here! It'd be different if this comment were made in the general forum because whether you have 1 or 4, ttc for 6 months or more is heart breaking.

Everyone has their bad days. I actually DREAD o'ing because I know my body can do it. I have three blessings to prove it. But, something's not right. I haven't had to try to have a baby before. It's terrible. I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone.