have you ever

dzine21 · #1 January 9th, 2007, 06:55 AM

Have you ever gotten to the point where you just realize thing are the way you wanted them to be in life? My birthday is coming up this week and I'll be in my "mid to late" 20's. I understand I'm still young enough, but It's hit me. I always thought I would have had a few kids by now. I don't even know if I'll have kids by late 20's early 30's now. I used to yearn for a child so badly. Now I still yearn for one, but I'm getting too comforable with where I am. Obviously most of us hate change, and that's what it will end up being. We'll have to change our financial ways, and our homestyle. We're just getting so comfortable. And you know those post where they ask how many kids you want. I can't answer tham. I just can't. I don't know what it's like to have one, how will I know if I'll want another and another? I guess it scares me maybe?

Then I think back to when I joined. How I thought it'd be easy to get pg and never thought of even m/c when I did get pg. I think it's going to hit harder in Feb for me when I realize I would be having a kid instead of mourning one. Maybe God's plan hasn't click yet. Maybe it's a huge puzzle and I've lost a few pieces.

I'm sorry I made this more of a journal entry than anything, but I figured-who cares.

~Sandy~ · #2 January 10th, 2007, 05:37 AM

I know what you mean Sarah, sometimes we lose sight of the goal and think well, things are so great now why change..... ALways every time I think that I think back to the day James was born.... I understand that you haven't felt it yet but I will try to desrcibe it to you the best way I can , but remember theres no way to put it into words really ...

... On a snowy cold as heck day after 3 days of trying to induce me with nothing to eat, and an irrigator running so I couldn't get out of bed, 17 years old with my parents hating me and putting me down.........
And all of a sudden literally in one moment, I felt the happiest and most warm and undescribable feeling I have ever felt in my entire life... This little person was mine and he needed me and loved me unconditionally, and God chose ME to be this boy''s protector and mother.. ME .... Sarah I saw him and I cried so hard, (heh I am now just remembering).... he was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and to this day my heart does a little leap when he talks, walks, breathes.... At that moment that he was born and I held him, my life had a purpose.. that last comment wont make sense to you yet.... but just wait until you feel it....

Like I said I know I can't fully describe it to you, there is just no way to put it into words... but trust me that it's worth it a milion bajillion katrillion times over I promise....

(now to go get a tissue and fix my makeup lol)

dzine21 · #3 January 10th, 2007, 06:35 AM

Would you mind handing me one. It's just one of those emotional days.

stowers2k3 · #4 January 11th, 2007, 10:15 AM

I'm with you Sarah. Since this ttc thing isn't as easy as I thought that it would be, I've found myself more and more looking around wondering why I want to change how things are now. I think it's mostly cause I can't seem to move to the next stage in our lives, which we always thought was having a baby. I'm replacing the desperation of ttc with these thoughts. It's really frustrating me too!