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HE IS NOT HELPING!!!


Forum: Trying to Conceive Six Months +

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  #1  
February 27th, 2007, 01:14 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 105
Hi everyone! I'm sorry any of us have to be here when other women get pregnant by accident. It's just not fair!! I've been trying to get pregnant since August and nothing has happened yet. I know it can happen for us, we have a beautiful ten month old daughter that we conceived after only one month of trying!! We don't want her to be an only child but it has very been difficult for us to have "alone time" with a new baby in the house and he is not helping the situation! I am so frustrated with my DH!!! I feel like he isn't making an effort to "participate" on the days I 'm most fertile. And I can't MAKE him do it, can I? It seems as if he's adopted the attitude that it will happen all on it's own. Well, the last time I checked, you need a man to get pregnant. I can't do it alone!!!!
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  #2  
February 27th, 2007, 03:42 PM
aliciap's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: California
Posts: 1,157
Quote:
Hi everyone! I'm sorry any of us have to be here when other women get pregnant by accident. It's just not fair!! I've been trying to get pregnant since August and nothing has happened yet. I know it can happen for us, we have a beautiful ten month old daughter that we conceived after only one month of trying!! We don't want her to be an only child but it has very been difficult for us to have "alone time" with a new baby in the house and he is not helping the situation! I am so frustrated with my DH!!! I feel like he isn't making an effort to "participate" on the days I 'm most fertile. And I can't MAKE him do it, can I? It seems as if he's adopted the attitude that it will happen all on it's own. Well, the last time I checked, you need a man to get pregnant. I can't do it alone!!!![/b]
yeah, I think there is somthing that goes on with guys when they think they have to preform. My DH does the same thing and I get so hurt by it. I start getting into my head thinking that he isn't attracted to me and doesn't really want another baby. I know it is all just in my head but it hurts. My son is three and needs me to lie down with him at night to go to sleep and somtime I am so tired I fall asleep. It is defintly more challenging with a little one in the house.
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  #3  
February 27th, 2007, 08:24 PM
Tamaralynnb's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Calgary, Canada
Posts: 10,853
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Quote:
yeah, I think there is something that goes on with guys when they think they have to preform. My DH does the same thing and I get so hurt by it. I start getting into my head thinking that he isn't attracted to me and doesn't really want another baby. I know it is all just in my head but it hurts. My son is three and needs me to lie down with him at night to go to sleep and sometime I am so tired I fall asleep. It is definatly more challenging with a little one in the house.[/b]
it is exactly the same way in our house, right down to my son needing one of us to fall asleep with him. Try not to let it bother you or tell him it hurts you, i've told my dh how i feel when he does that, that i feel unattractive and that he doesn't really want a baby, and he reassures me that he does and that he loves me and can't wait to be a daddy again
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  #4  
February 28th, 2007, 07:17 AM
JellyBean's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,044
I agree...I think men have a bit of "performance anxiety" when TTC.

Good luck! Lots of babydust to you!
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  #5  
February 28th, 2007, 07:48 AM
Gina1978's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mallorca (Spain)
Posts: 8,652
Quote:
Hi everyone! I'm sorry any of us have to be here when other women get pregnant by accident. It's just not fair!! I've been trying to get pregnant since August and nothing has happened yet. I know it can happen for us, we have a beautiful ten month old daughter that we conceived after only one month of trying!! We don't want her to be an only child but it has very been difficult for us to have "alone time" with a new baby in the house and he is not helping the situation! I am so frustrated with my DH!!! I feel like he isn't making an effort to "participate" on the days I 'm most fertile. And I can't MAKE him do it, can I? It seems as if he's adopted the attitude that it will happen all on it's own. Well, the last time I checked, you need a man to get pregnant. I can't do it alone!!!![/b]
Sometimes (actually,in most cases) men just dont understand what an emotional strain TTC is on us..they think that being laid back helps us relax,when infact it drives us up the wall!!!
I mean,we temp,we test,we worry,we have the blood work,the OB visits,the testing,we take our prenatals and any meds we need,we stress,and then theres looking after the house and other kids we have etc..All we ask of them is that they co-operate with us on certain days and they act like they are under pressure!!?? Ya think!?
My DH had poblems co-operating on the days I thought I was fertile,so in the end I just stopped talking about TTC and it seemed to work.I would just make the BDing more spontaneous and not mention why we needed to do it kwim?
I hated it that I couldent talk to him about what I was going through,especially since the problem is mine (I dont O),thats why Im so glad I have JM..but Id rather keep him "stress free" (they dont know what stress is!) so that he can BD,especially now thatb Im on Clomid
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  #6  
February 28th, 2007, 01:35 PM
dinamommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Gina had a very good idea there, about being spontaneous and not telling him that this was a BD session. I do that same thing. My husband has no idea when I am ovulating (heck, sometimes "I" don't even know when I'm ovulating! ) and he is more than willing to.....um, you know what. I've never had a problem getting him to but then again, like I said, I've never told him when was the "right" or "wrong" time to BD.
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  #7  
February 28th, 2007, 03:13 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 505
I totally agree with the other girls . . . my DH absolutely does not want to know when I O. For the first couple of months, I told him---NOT a good idea with him. He got all stressed out and it did not make for a good time, if you KWIM! Now, I think he kind of knows, but we don't really talk about the timing. He just knows if I want "it", he better give it to me
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  #8  
February 28th, 2007, 08:42 PM
Regular
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 2
It doesn't work in our house either. Our sex drives never have synced up in our more than 5 years together, but even more so since our 28 months old joined our family. Now it just seems like trying to BD more than 2 times a month, well, it just starts feeling like a job instead of being fun. My husband knows that we are ttc for #2 and now it has been 10 months. They just found I have pcos and my dr told me that I will have to go on birth control pills again. I simply told him that will have to wait. Someone from a yahoo group I belong to found a newly released study that found spearmint tea 2 mugs/day helps promote lutenizing hormone and estrogen production, as well as combating hirsutism. It just seems to be all round a good thing, and if it works at least it is safe and isn't another drug I have to take. At 1 point I was taking between vitamins and perscription medications about 20 pills a day, and all in 1 gulp at times. It was around that time that I went off all my medications except a multi vitamin and celexa. I was feeling like I pharmacy and I swore that if I had to add 1 more pill to my multiple time a day pill meal, that I was going to start rattling when I walked.

Anyway, I know wher you guys are coming from sitting by watching others getting pregnant so easily. At the moment my sister-in-law, my step-mother-in-law's sister and my friend's sister are all pregnant with their 2nd's. I know that my sil wasn't trying and infact was in the middle of a break-up with her fiance and father of her son, my smil's sis tried 1 time for her 2nd and my friend's sis I don't know. She is a whack job. She got pregnant about 5 years ago and had an abortion because her and her husband were fighting and she knew how much it would hurt him finding out about the abortion since he really wanted a family. The was on clomid for the 2nd pregnancy and actually a few months into it since she didn't know she was pregnant yet and this one I don't even have a due date for yet, so I know nothing more than she is pregnant. Oh and my ex neighbor told me in early january that she was 4 weeks at the time but was going to abort since it was her 5th or 6th pregnancy and would be her 4th baby, she is a single mother and can't handle her 3 kids, 3, 18 months and 5 months.

Why does it seem like the ones who shouldn't have the babies are the ones who can get pregnant just from being looked at. I see way way too many 15 and 16 year olds downtown at the park with their babies either running around in the downtown core blvd park with no one really watching them, or the mommy smoking right over the stroller, or worse yet right over a carrier held little baby? I have honestly heard some of them say that they got pregnant, or pregnant again so they could stay on welfare and not be bugged to do job search. You don't have to do job search until your child starts school.
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