[jessg]

I guess I'll just jump right into it.

In October 2000, my husband, R, and I met. It took awhile for us to get to know each other. In April 2001, we got paired up for the Senior Prom together. At that point, neither of us wanted to go to the prom with someone we hardly knew. We started hanging out. Soon, it became a permanent thing! After graduating from high school, we stayed together even though we attended different colleges. He in Florida and I in Pennsylvania. Through all the years, we stayed together. And at some point, we made that commitment to each other - that's it. We KNOW we're supposed to be together. No matter what. DH then started looking into joining the military and together, we decided on going active duty. In April 2005, we wed at a little catholic church back home. 3 weeks later, he left for Basic Training.

Who knew we'd end up in Hawaii after training was over! It was so great to hear that news. We've set up our life down here. About 5-6 months after we got here, he ended up going to training for a month and a half. After he came home, we were delighted that we found out I was pregnant! We hadn't expected conceiving for us to be so easy. (It was the 3rd cycle of trying). But, I guess that's what happens when they haven't seen a woman in 30+ days.

Unfortunately, I started spotting one night. I was freaking out. In just the short time I was pregnant, I was attached to our little one. Will it be a boy or girl? What will he/she look like? How will we decorate the room? Will this be an easy baby? How will we be as parents? But all that changed. I tried to relax myself but woke up the next morning bleeding heavily. I knew then there was no hope. We rushed to the ER and it just confirmed our fears. My blood test came back with a hormone level of 5. Just five. Our hearts sank. Our baby was gone.

2 weeks after the miscarriage, DH left for a 7 month deployment to Iraq. Through that I've found out how strong I am. I also know how much unwanted separation from a loved one sucks beyond belief. I know I can survive... but I'd much rather do everything with my best friend in life by my side.

2 days before Christmas he came home. That had to be about the best Christmas present... EVER. On top of that he came home right as I was ovulating! I thought for sure that post-deployment spermies would win. Well, we were wrong. December: Nothing. January: Nothing. February: Nothing.

Now onto Cycle 7 of trying. It's been a year and 3 months since we Cycle 1 of TTC. Here's hoping that journey ends soon with a pregnancy resulting in a healthy little baby us.

[jessg]

I was having a particularly restless night last night. I was just awake! So I started just browsing around online to find out more information on Endometriosis. I found some not so fun information.

Endo Resolved - Infertility

Not only does Endometriosis profoundly affect a woman’s overall fertility and her ability to become pregnant, it also affects her ability to remain pregnant. Several studies have indicated that women with untreated Endometriosis have a spontaneous abortion rate of approximately 40 to 50 percent, in contrast to the 10 to 15 percent abortion rate in the general population.

When looking at the medical history of women before their Endometriosis is diagnosed, many women are much more likely to have had not only spontaneous abortion, but also tubal pregnancies, premature labors and stillborn babies.

However, the problem with Endometriosis implants includes:
- Prostaglandins are released into the abdomen instead of inside the womb
- Prostaglandins release by the implants seem to be out of phase with their release by the uterus. Prostaglandins are produced at the wrong time sending the wrong message.

If a women is a few days pregnant then the Endometriosis implants producing prostaglandin F would incorrectly signal the ovary to start a new menstrual cycle, causing the womb lining with the implanted egg to be expelled - and the consequence is an early miscarriage.[/b]

I then went over to my Excel version of charting. I seriously do not have the patience to temp. I have tried. I simply cannot do it. It causes me to obsess. So instead I just track my cycles, CM and BDing. I then started listing all the symptoms I have. Which, I know I already have endo/adhesions. But since going off BC, symptoms have gotten worse and more painful.

Then I started writing down what I know of my family history. My mother and her sisters all have endo. My mother had a full hysterectomy at age 27. My aunts - both full hysterectomies. I am not sure their ages. All have had miscarriages. My Aunt (mother's twin), tragically, lost twin girls at four months in utero. My cousin has been trying for 12 months - unsuccessfully. She has not been diagnosed with endo... but I'm not quite sure on the specifics of her case. While, yes, all have gone on to have healthy children - they all started earlier than I did. My mother started trying to conceive at age 21. I was born when she was 25. My Aunt's had all of their children before age 24. I am now 24 years old, and while yes, that is relatively young. I do figure worse case senario is looking at a full hysterectomy by age 30. So that gives me, what, less than 6 years? Between TDY's and deployments. Wow, I feel so lucky.

So, really, my conclusion is to head back to the doctor. When we first started trying my husband and I went to the doctor together. They did offer a referral to the fertility clinic (which is a fancy name for REAL OBGYN in military terms). At the appointment we decided to wait 6 full cycles of trying before going this route. Well, we're starting cycle 7 and it's been 1 year and 3 months since we started TTC and I was off BC (the only preventative measure I was taking for Endo).

So here's hoping I get an appointment soon. First thing Monday - I'm making the call.

[jessg]

Just a quick update.

The appointment with the Women's Health Clinic is set for the 28th. Hopefully it will go well.

Got frustrated at work today as I had to hear every little detail about a pregnant woman's first trimester. I'm happy for her. I suppose the jealousy won't subside. All I can think of is that I should be holding my 3 month old right now.

*sigh*

[jessg]

Another short update:

I went to my appointment on the 28th. They referred me directly to a "real" OBGYN. The MTF was full so I was sent to a doctor "on the economy." And my first appointment is Monday at 1:30. DH will be going with me. We'll see what he's going to say. Thankfully the Physician's Assistant I saw on the 28th DID put the referral in for infertility. My friend's PA just referred her to an OBGYN and they said they didn't even COVER infertility. Which, I find strange for any OBGYN to say.

Weird.

Either way, we'll see what happens. AF is due on Sunday or Monday. I *really* don't think I'm pregnant this month. There wasn't enough BD. Hubby and I are so stressed. He'll be leaving in a week or so for an undetermined amount of time. Which should actually mean that he WON'T be home for the next time I "O". So another month down the tubes....... bleh.