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I'm going to start this journal by telling you just a bit about our situation. My name is Stephanie and I am 27 years old. My DH Matt is 24. We met on line and I moved from West Virginia to Iowa to be with him. We both had miserable first marriages and now we are enjoying every bit of having someone love us as much as we love them. We started TTC our first together in March of 2006.
I have two children from my first marriage. Sierra is my little princess. She turned 9 in April. Will is my little man. He just turned 6 in June.
In October of 2006 we had an early miscarriage at 5 weeks. Then in May we had a chemical pregnancy. We are hoping to have a sticky BFP soon!
Well, I am 7 dpo today. I've had sore nips since 5dpo. Today I had these weird twinges on my left side near my ovary. I don't think I've felt them before so hopefully that's a good thing! I've also had a strange metallic taste in my mouth basically since O. I've noticed my skin is starting to break out a bit, but not as much as normal. Again....hopefully a good sign.
My temp dipped a bit today. Not much, but it was a dip. I also had some unusual cramping. Hard to explain. I am hoping that it was implantation, but I am trying to stay realistic and realize that it is much more likely that AF will be showing up in the next few days. I really want to be pregnant this month...... any month really, but my DD would be so excited if I am pregnant this time. I would be due right around her 10th birthday. She would love a baby brother or sister then. I'm re-testing in the morning. When I tested last night, the first one appeared to be faulty, and the second had a very faint line. Not sure if it was a BFP or an evap, so I am trying not to get too excited.
Well, my temp is back up today, but my test was a All I can do is cry! I really want to be pregnant. I know that most of the women on the boards I post on feel the same way I do, so I try not to complain too much, but it's so frustrating. Matt and I, and the kids all want a baby so much! We have all this love that we could share with a baby and we really want our family to grow, but we are still not able to get pregnant! WHY? It just isn't fair! I see people that have no business having kids.....they just aren't ready mentally or financially, and yet they are getting pregnant. Matt and I are ready for a baby! Yes, we might have to shuffle a bit bedroom wise, but there is room in this apartment for a baby and I don't know why I can't have one. I don't know if I can get Matt to go get his SA done either. He's so wishy-washy when it comes to getting help from a doctor. I guess he feels like if we are meant to have a baby, it will happen naturally. The way I see it though.....God wouldn't give a doctor the knowledge and ability to change anything if we aren't meant to have kids together. I just hope he will decide to go. I need answers, and with the 17th cycle apparently rounding down..... I need answers now!
I'm 12 dpo today. My temp climbed again, but (TMI) when I wiped this AM after FMU there was some streaks of red mixed in some EWCM or possibly left overs from DTD. Now I'm not sure if it's the start of AF or if it's implantation. I hope it's not AF, but I am also thinking it probably is. IT sucks, but I know the witch is just right around the corner.
Well, I started spotting today around 10:30 am. I was sure that AF was right around the corner, but so far nothing. Even the spotting is gone. It was only there when I wiped. I put on a panty liner to be safe, but never got a single spot on it. I'm feeling really nauseous today too. Especially this evening. The more I move around the more convinced I am that everything I've eaten today is coming back up soon.
This is so frustrating. I want off this rollercoaster ride. I either want my or I want AF to show full force, but I want the uncertainty to end. I prefer the BFP of course, but the uncertainty is driving me insane!