Why am I being punished?

Aldrena · #1 October 16th, 2007, 10:05 AM

A year ago I had an abortion, my husband has no idea that I did it, He things I somehow miscarried. I really didn't want any more children I have 4 already, I thought it was time to enjoy my life since the kids are becoming pre-teens, boy was I wrong. Everyday I yearn for my baby and now that I really, really want one I can't get pregnant. Everytime I get my period I hate myself more.

Lucy26 · #2 October 17th, 2007, 02:40 AM

I am so sorry to hear this. You must be going through hell. I understand how you feel to some respect because I had an abortion when I was a teenager which broke my heart but I was in no position to have a baby and was with a violent partner. I punished myself for a long time.

Essentially the reason you have not conceived yet may well be because you have emotional blocks. What you did felt right at the time and the more you tear yourself up with guilt the worse you will feel and I'm sure the less likely you are to get pregnant. If you feel you cannot talk to your husband then why not talk it through with a trusted friend (or pm me!) Abortions are so traumatic and whilst you may regret it now, for some reason it was totally not the right thing for you a year ago. If you don't think you can ever tell your husband then you need to deal with it somehow and then draw a line under it. For me talking about it was the only thing that got me through it and I feel so sad that you are going through this alone.

As long as you had no infection that was left untreated there is almost no chance at all that the abortion will stop you from conceiving again, so it is likely to be your emotions getting on your way. What's done is done and it felt right at the time. If we all had the gift of hindsight we'd never make any mistakes, but that's just not how life works. Please think it througha nd cut yourself some slack. You need to try to understand your actions and forgive yourself.

xxxxxxx