[Mum2three]

Girls i know how upsetting it can be, when you see or hear of others having a baby. I really enjoy being your host here. but sometimes i feel like im depressing some of us, cause im pregnant. I never intended to do that. I try not to post about my pregnancy, even though i would love to share it with you all. But i feel uncomfortable in doing so. I just wanted to say, that i was in your shoes at one point. Most of you dont know my background history, but i was there. I know what its like every month to get a bfn, and the hard ships to follow. what it does to a womans soul. its not fair, and as a host i try to tell you how i felt before becoming pregnant. i was you. and i try to give you all a positive note. that it will happen. I have been trying 2 years to have this baby, and 4 years prior. so i know the deal, and i try to offer the support when needed, plus try to take the pain away. I just want to know, if me being your host and being pregnant hurts you? I really dont want to leave, but if it does hurt then i will have to hang up my mitts. I love all you girls. And i want to be able to be there for you. I just really feel bad. and not sure your feelings towards your host pregnant and hosting the ttc 6 months +.

Im really sorry about this, but it has been eating me up inside.

Heres my deal k, When i was 15 i was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and it went away 1 year later. Well with lots of kemo. Later on in life i decided that i wasnt going to beat down like this. I worked my butt off and finished school, went back to college. There i met my sweet hubby. we both decided that it was time to get married. So we did. we tried for over a year to have our oldest son. went to the dr's to only find out that my cancer was back and i also had PCOS. well my dreams were crushed! i didnt know what to do with myself. i cried i had my anger bottled up and took it out on others. 6 months later we found out that we were expecting!! The happiest day of our lives. we had our son. we moved forward. well we later talked about giving him a sibling, so he wasnt alone in the world. and again 4 years later we conceived out youngest son. and i tell you i hated each year that i wasnt pregnant. our marriage was on the rocks cause trying to have a baby causes a lot of stress on each partner. We got over it. we had our son, and were happy again!! 4 months after he was born we found out again that we were pregnant, well now i feel on top of the world, cause im over coming my disbeliefs on what the doctor has said. how do i have pcos when i can get pregnant? thats what was running through my mind. well i carried our daughter to 34 weeks and i went into labor, i thought everything was fine, nope. she had died at birth. that tore me up inside, i felt weak, i hated this world, you name it. we had become pregnant again, and i made it to 18 weeks and my water broke while i went to the bathroom, with my 2 sons home and DH wasnt here he left for work. I gave birth to our son. i finally go a hold of him and told him what happened that i was holding our dead son in my arms. My oldest son said mommy, he was meant to be with God. I tried so hard not to cry. i had to put on a front for them. The ambulance got here, and i was rushed to the hospital, and i didnt let go of my son. I found out that i was bleeding really bad! I hated my life and why couldnt i hold my babies inside anymore? what is wrong withe me? i did i hated myself so much. When i came out of surgery i told DH im not doing this anymore. i dont want any more kids. this pain is something that i dont wish on my worst enemy. it kills you in more ways then one. well now im sitting here pregnant again, and each day i wonder will it make it to my due date? im scared inside. i hurt inside. and i do understand what you girls are going through, i have been there. i just know in my heart that you girls will have your children, that mabey its not time right now. what i have went through God doesnt want you to go through it. So theres my story its on the table. I really hope that you will still want me to be your host here.

Thanks for reading i know its long

Bless you all!!!

[LindsLuvsSi]

Brandy!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't leave, please!!!!!!!! I'd miss ya for one, for two your story is AMAZING and gives me sooo much hope!!!! And 3 I love ya girl!!!!! I was/am looking forward to hosting with you and I know this board will be awesome. (A reason why I stick here instead of the TTC year plus- we have been trying over a year but I like it here too much and that's why I wanted to be co-host with ya) I love how you know how we're feeling since you were there. I love how you're so positive, hopeful and strong.

I hope your personal story gives the same hope and strength it gives to me. I hope the other ladies agree with me and want you to stay here.

[Delekatala]

Well I haven't been around for very long, but certainly have been trying for a baby for a long time, and didn't think anything of you being host. I just figured you were a success story, and it is sure nice to see success stories also!

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I agree with the other 2 ladies. I don't want you to leave. I think you are an awesome host. I would be disappointed if you left. I didn't know your story, and it touches my heart. You are so strong! You make us all have hope. It's nice to be able to talk to someone who's been where we are and overcome it. God bless you, Brandi (and your baby) I love you lots!!

[Mum2three]

thanks girls so much! I really means a lot, but i do understand what its like to hear from the other sides. lol..
i wont leave unless someone asked me to. i just really wanted to make sure that you are all comfortable with me being your host and providing my 2 cents. im rooting for you all, and i really hope that you get a BFP.
Im so happy now. when i was writing the post i was in tears, and all it would take it 1 person to say its to hard to be here cause your pregnant and i would of been gone. i really enjoy my time with you girls. and you really made my day! So thank you girls!!!

[LindsLuvsSi]

Awwww Brandy!! I'm sooo sorry you were in tears!!! We don't want you to leave! I'm glad you'll be staying. I hope no one wants you to leave, because your story is inspiriational. It has given me hope. You are an amazing woman!

[snsgirl336]

I haven't been here for too long, but I wouldn't want to see you leave. In the short time I've been here, I have found you to be nothing but a sweetheart! You are helpful and supportive to everyone here! I have never once felt anything but happy that you are pregnant. Thank you for sharing your story. It's wonderful to hear the success stories as so often all we hear are the unfortunate ones.

[Celry]

Brandy, it has never bothered me that you're the host and are pregnant. We're the ones who decided to park ourselves on your board. I do hope everything goes well for you with this pregnancy and you get a beautiful healthy baby girl to bring home.

I often wondered about your two angels, but did not feel it was my place to ask. I'm honored that you decided to share your story with us.

[~April04~]

aw I got chills reading your story.. You truly are an inspiration and def give me hope that no matter what it can happen... Please stay.. I don't want you to go

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

See, Brandi, we all love you. you have to stay. Don't be in tears, you had me in tears when I read that. You are a wonderful host and we are honored to share our time with you. If ever in doubt, please just talk to us. We all are here for you. This is the best board on all of JM.

[downunderchick]

Ditto what Cel said, we came over to the board, it was our decision to come here, we knew you were pregnant. It doesnt bother me at all. You have been through alot and your story gives me hope that I will have children. Im sorry to hear of your losses and I hope you have a healthy baby in your arms at the end of the 9 months. Im sorry to hear youve been so worried too, it obliviously means a lot to you to be host of this board. I hope no one has said anything horrible about you being the host.Youve been nothing but welcoming since my 1st post on this board
XXXXXXX

[xanada101]

OMG Brandy, you had me in tears reading this. I feel so blessed that you felt comfortable enough to share your story with us! It is so inspirational. Thank you! I am glad that you are our host. You are our constant reminder that miracles and dreams DO come true! Thank you! Lots of Love!!!

[*Bobbie*]

Brandy,

I know I am not as active here as I would like to be.... but I will but in my 2 cents...

I love you and would hate to see you step down. You have so much to offer as a host. Your heart is as big as could be. You are an amazing woman and one I am honored to call friend.

Now stop worrying about that BEAUTIFUL ticker in your siggy. We love seeing them...especially when they are so hard to come by

Love ya girl!

[ShannonMVT]

I'm glad you are here Brandy and that you shared your amazing story. I am so happy for you and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and quickly for you. I would hate for you to leave...you are an amazing success story!

I hope my post venting about other pg's womens siggys didn't bother you or make you think I was bothered by you being pregnant or your ticker. I'm not at all, you have always been very considerate of others' feelings. That was only directed at people who are soooo into their own pregnancy that they don't think or care about anyone else and you are the exact opposite of that!!!

[jeanbean]

O' Brandy.....hearing your story truly gives the rest of us hope. I don't want you to leave, you are a wonderful host. I haven't been here long, but you gave me comfort and support the minute I landed here. None of us want you to leave. You are such an inspiration to the rest of us. I'm sorry you were feeling this way. We want to be there for you too, no matter what the rest of us have going on. Please rely on us for support as well. I know I wouldn't want it any other way.

I'm praying for the rest of your pregnancy to go smoothly.

[Mum2three]

Girls, *sniffles* have made me feel so much better. I just didnt know if it did upset you. So i had to ask. And if theres anything you want to know about me, i have no problem telling you. Im very open and honest.
I think you girls have made me feel more welcome here then ever. And to be called a true friend means the world to me. I think highly of you all. And i know that it will happen for you, as it did for me. Keep up the positive spirits and it will work out. I know it will. Im your very personal cheer leader. LOL..

you have made me feel so much better inside just knowing that i can offer the help you need to hear. I dont like to rub in my pregnancy, and i will never do that to you girls. If you ask then i will tell you

when i read your post my heart started to pump a little faster, you made me feel special. and thats a good thing.

You all are wonderful!! I love ya girls...and NOW im NOT GOING TO LEAVE!!!!

Just remember i may be a host but im a better friend!! when ever you need a pick me up just PM me, thats what im here for. Im not moving my butt from you girls...

you don't upset me. You are a ray of hope, a success story for this board. Please stay

[Mum2three]

Thank you Jennifer!!! Im staying!! i cant leave you girls...

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!

[LindsLuvsSi]

You're welcome Brandy!!!!!!

[wishingxxx]

Brandy, Thankyou so much for sharing your story. I realised I knew nothing about you,or infact any of the other girls here .
I know one thing though..............You are a fighter,and you didnt let any of that beat you down.You are so strong.
Never feel bad Brandy,you have been nothing but friendly and encouraging to all the ladies here,and truly ARE an inspiration.
I can only speak for myself here when i say that when girls on here get their BFPs,youd think id be a little envious.........im not....am i a freak???
I love seeing BFPs all over the place lol!!!