Down in the dumps (Need some major help)

GeekMom · #1 November 1st, 2011, 08:38 AM

You ladies are so positive and happy despite I know quite a few of you are going through a lot. I could really use some help figuring out how to stay happy and positive even when it's going wrong. I'm not really depressed or anything and I don't hate my life I just can't seem to stop getting angry over nothing and when me and DF fight I can't just leave it alone. I push back and fight more.

I used to be so happy and positive all the time! I never whined about anything and I barely cried. I've figured out that any meds are out of the question. The post "Book of Awesome" made me think to ask. I need those things in my life to stop feeling so stressed. I'm not going to get an hour every day to sit down and drink a nice cup of tea and read a book. I need ideas for things to make me enjoy life in the little moments. Like how you guys said having an ice cold diet coke.

My son makes me so happy, he's insane but he makes me feel like I'm doing something right. DF and me are still working on some problems but, I know if I just stop dwelling on them they will work out. I fear if I don't get some sunshine in my life soon I'm going to lose him. I can't blame him to not want to be with a girl who *****es all day long some days and I really do.

I don't know exactly what I am asking. I just need some real advice. I'm miserable and I have no reason to be. It's my attitude and my way of thinking and I want to snuff that out. I just know that I rely on having things to look forward to and not being so stressed out.

TIA!!!

jennimomof4 · #2 November 1st, 2011, 09:03 AM

Have you ever thought of going to counseling? I know my good friend goes to a therapist and she just really vents to her and she feels so much better after. I know when I feel the way you are, I like to get a babysitter and go somewhere by myself. I also have started picking up a hobby here and there and that seems to help. And maybe you can find a mommy group to be in. Sometimes just getting out of the house and hanging out with moms can really help!

I really get down often and tend to whine to my DH. I know when we find time to go out for date night it also helps! I really like to feel like he wants to be with me and appreciates me and date nights help with that. Does that make sense? Are you getting enough sleep? When I am tired, I get really down and ornery and woe as me!

nurselochia · #3 November 1st, 2011, 01:15 PM

I agree with Jenni, sometimes you just have to do something by yourself, even if it's just a walk, it can make a huge difference. When I'm sleep deprived, I also get pretty down and things get to me easier. And sometimes just talking about all it helps enormously, so if counseling is an option, it can't hurt anything. Or even just venting to a fried. Poor Heather, she's had to read I dont know how many "Woe is me" emails!! But it helps to just get it out. Running has been a huge source of relief for me. Not only is it alone time for me, but its a release. I can burn off that angry/depressed energy and when I'm done, I have satisfaction in knowing that I CAN run. I know that's not everyone's thing, but I know some people who used yoga, or other forms of exercise. Plus the endorphine high is nice

It's so easy to focus on the negative aspects and forget about all the little things that make life wonderful. I am guilty of this. I look around and get overwhelmed at some of the crap-tastic things that happen...Caleb's lead testing, fear of being forced to put up new siding on our house when we can't afford it, bills, cars crapping out, my disaster of a house come Tuesday am when I'm done with my 3 12 hour work shifts. But we all have those things. It's not easy but I have to make myself realize that "hey, I've got a lot of really great things in my life". I just sit down and make a list in my head (or as in one case, in a post here an JM) and think about all the small things. Like ice cold Diet Coke(which I am in desperate need of right now), or having DH, or my dishwasher, knowing I have 4 beautiful children when some people will never be able to have children, having the ability to run when so many can't, etc. and that helps. But like I said, that's not easy to do.

jennimomof4 · #4 November 1st, 2011, 02:50 PM

Oh another one is exercise. It is supposed to give you energy and may also help your mood!

BabyLove23 · #5 November 1st, 2011, 06:23 PM

I agree with these gals! When I get down for no good reason, I run to kickboxing. I beat the hell out of the bag, and thenI go home feeling a thousand times better. Its "me time" with no baby, no brother, no DH. And then to top off the night I have a glass of wine and some JM time!!!

GeekMom · #6 November 1st, 2011, 11:03 PM

Thanks girls! I'm doing P90x and loving it! There is a kick boxing session that makes me feel so strong and powerful! I'm going to talk to DF about getting out of the house even once a week for an hour to have some me time. With it getting cold I don't know what it will be but, anything. We have a YMCA a few blocks from the house and I'd love to go swimming.

I talked to a friend of mine (He's our age with a wife and a kid Bastian's age) and they have a huge garden tub and he told me that I was welcome to come over wash some clothes and just lay in it and either they could watch B or DF could come with me and they could all watch a movie.

It really means a lot to have support. I'm going to consulting November 11th at 9am. I'm scared but ready to really see if I can get some help I'm so tired of being sad and upset all the time. I want to be happy!

justcallmecat · #7 November 2nd, 2011, 05:57 AM

I think its good you are going to counselling.. I think thats a great first step. There are many people out ther ewho dont bother going but need to more than anything. I think often as moms we lose ourselves.. I know we have talked about this before in other posts..but its really important to have something for just you. soemthign that helps define who you are..you have done relly well with your weight loss..be proud of yourself fo rthat..its not easy to lose weight .what are some of your hobbies or things that interest you? for me.Im a total nerd and enjoy studying and writing during my "me" time..that helps define who I am

GeekMom · #8 November 2nd, 2011, 08:34 AM

I think a lot of the time I have the problem of taking things for granted. I am in school and I'm a SAHM so I don't get a ton of time to myself. Once Bastian is asleep I don't really seem to think to take the time for me I go do homework or clean. I suppose that if I could find something that I enjoy it would be easier to ask for me time.

I can't think of a thing I would do if I got a few hours to myself. Maybe go swimming? I'm trying to also figure out who I am again and what I want in life other than being a mommy.

A lot of days it feels like all I do is nurse, change diapers and clean.

Anyone got good mommy hobby ideas?

wildchihuahua · #9 November 3rd, 2011, 08:35 AM

Glad your getting some exercise in there. You've gotten some great advice already.

This sounds really shallow, but try to find the time to make yourself pretty every day (if you're not already). Even if it's just a little mascara or something. You will feel better about yourself and DF may notice too (but don't do it for him, do it for you). I know I like to bum it when I can, but I end up feeling sluggish all day when I do.

Good luck!