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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
April 26th, 2008, 11:25 AM
dee68's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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at first my ddc did.....
Some of the ladies did not understand the fears and concerns of someone who has had a loss.....

and I truly hate the " I HATE pg. women" posts on some boards, THAT drives me insane.
I know it can be hard to be around pg women after losses, but to say that is just uncalled for IMO.

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  #2  
April 26th, 2008, 11:57 AM
NewportMamaBear's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't find that many of them do. I came to this board because I felt that the ladies here might understand my worries better than the ladies in my DDC, but not because I was uncomfortable.
I do feel uncomfortable posting on the PL board anymore, just because I am pregnant now.
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  #3  
April 26th, 2008, 12:05 PM
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I feel uncomfortable posting on the ttcal board anymore because I remember feeling so happy for those that are pregnant, but sad for me who wasn't pg anymore. I also remember going there before I was even able to start ttc again. Now I don't want to make anyone feel "sad" that they aren't pg. It also makes me feel a little uncomfortable because ttc is the only thing I truly know (6yrs of it) and its hard not to share the things I have tried and been through. Things make me uncomfortable too because I know that I am never going to feel "safe" until after I am holding my crying baby and then there will be a new set of fears with that.

I feel uncomfortable posting on the stillbirth board too. And of course my ddc at first was scary because I thought everyone would just upset me with their naive attitudes (which I now envy a bit). Turns out there are several of us on there that have had a loss and a couple 2nd and 3rd trimester losses as well. So I feel a lot better about that group now.
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  #5  
April 26th, 2008, 12:48 PM
Danica's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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hmmm, this is a tough one. I did feel a bit uncomfortable in ttcal this morning but I am over myself now and plan to still stick around there as I still want to support all my friends there. I do feel uncomfortable in all my old DDC's. I haven't decided about the December DDC yet since I haven't joined LOL

I don't like when I hear people complain about pregnant women either. I didn't like to hear it even when I wasn't pregnant and especially don't like to hear it not that I am pregnant. I just feel like a lot of pregnant women once wore those pregnancy loss shoes and so it's not my place to judge or feel like some are not deserving. KWIM?
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  #6  
April 26th, 2008, 04:26 PM
tiffani76541's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I felt very uncomfortable in my playroom, they're very involved group, and seems like there's just an "in crowd", and you're either in it, or pretty much ignored.Then you have like the "I'm the perfect super mom that makes no mistakes and my life is perfect" kind of moms, and I dont like it so much.
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  #7  
April 26th, 2008, 05:06 PM
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I dont really feel uncomfortable anywhere.

I do get afraid of hurting someone in TTCAL, but I have to go and support my old friends there, I came to close to alot of them and cant leave!!! LOL.

I dont like it when others hate pregnant people too.

after my loss it HURT ALOT to see pregnant women, but i NEVER hated them, for one, I always wondered if they had had a loss before also. I was just sad I was no longer pregnant. I was envious. when I was in TTCAL and Dee and Brandy were pregnant, It never upset me one bit, because I knew that you guys had gone through a loss, you guys gave me alot of hope.

I think the only place I feel little uncomfortable is TTCAL, because I dont want to upset anyone, but I want o be there for my friends.
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  #8  
April 26th, 2008, 05:38 PM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I can't say I feel Uncomfortable on any of the boards. I'm just afraid I might make others feel uncomfortable by posting in some.

On the PL board I can't leave b/c I'm the host. tho I did my very best to not bring up my pg just so I wouldn't hurt any one more than they already were.

I quit posting in TTCAL for that same reason. I just didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. We all know what it's like to ttc and not have things work out. I just felt the last thing those ladies would want is another pg lady invading their board.

I did feel a bit uncomfortable when I joined my DDC. I found that few ppl ever wanted to respond when I had brought up my loss. I eventually quit bringing it up. I would come here or to PL if I ever needed to say anything aobut it.
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  #9  
April 26th, 2008, 06:54 PM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree with Heather quite a bit. That is almost exactly how I felt. It hurt so badly to see pregnant women for the first few weeks after my losses, but I certinaly never hated them. I was just very envious of their huge bellies! Anyhow, I don't think I feel uncomfortable on any boards yet. I hope I am not just being naive (sp?), but I have so many friends over at TTCAL, that I want to be there for them in whatever way I can and be the first to congratulate them on their BFP's!

Danica, I still haven't joined our DDC either, I think I am going to wait until my 2nd trimester to join. What about you?
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  #10  
April 27th, 2008, 04:52 AM
Lv2Mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The only place I've truly ever felt uncomfortable is my old DDC... I was so used to posting there, and sometimes even after my loss I wanted to still post but it just didn't seem to work well. Not b/c of anyone in particular, it was just odd.

I still lurk everyday on TTCAL b/c I love to keep up on everyone there, but I don't post very often... I've never felt uncomfortable there, though - the girls are great.

I quit posting on the PL board quite awhile ago just b/c once I was ready to TTC again I had such a different outlook. I do love that board, though b/c they helped me through one of the worst times in my life.

Hopefully, now that I'm feeling better (the m/s is pretty much history at this point) I'll be posting away in PAL! I've been down for so long, but I'm happily feeling great now.
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  #11  
April 27th, 2008, 07:50 AM
Madison.Hailey.Zack's Avatar Mom of 2 Girls and a Boy!
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I was uncomfortable in my DDC in the beginning but now I'm trying to give it a chance.
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  #12  
April 27th, 2008, 08:09 AM
Danica's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Danica, I still haven't joined our DDC either, I think I am going to wait until my 2nd trimester to join. What about you?[/b]
I've been lurking in the December DDC and most the ladies do seem nice. I really am excited that Beckie is there (we were in the May DDC together). She is such a light and a great person to be around. I am thinking of joining after my appt this week but not too sure yet... I think that once I do join I'll probably not be very active at first. I'll be sticking around here more LOL
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  #14  
April 27th, 2008, 09:50 AM
Sabina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't think I feel uncomfortable anywhere but my DDC.

I feel it's just respectful to stay out of PL and TTCAL rooms while pg. I never hated pg women after my loss but I spent a lot of time in PL and I know how the girls feel and I don't want to hurt anyone. I had a really, really hard time with my losses so it's more of a respect issue. I respect what they are going through and don't want to upset anyone.
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  #15  
April 27th, 2008, 12:24 PM
Brittney06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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To the girls from TTCAL:
Hey ladies I hope you don't mind me posting hear since I am not pg but I just wanted to come tell all the girls from ttcal about how sorry i am about everything that is going on over there I haven't said anything in any of those boards cuz it really upsets me! I feel that you are all part of our family and I hate the things that are going on I am happy that you all have wonderful BFP'S and I enjoy reading everything you ladies post about. Anyways I just wanted to say I am sorry that there is so much drama over there and that you all don't feel welcome over there. I am not even pg but I don't even want to be there right now!I love you ladies and I am wishing you all the best!
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  #16  
April 27th, 2008, 12:33 PM
dee68's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
To the girls from TTCAL:
Hey ladies I hope you don't mind me posting hear since I am not pg but I just wanted to come tell all the girls from ttcal about how sorry i am about everything that is going on over there I haven't said anything in any of those boards cuz it really upsets me! I feel that you are all part of our family and I hate the things that are going on I am happy that you all have wonderful BFP'S and I enjoy reading everything you ladies post about. Anyways I just wanted to say I am sorry that there is so much drama over there and that you all don't feel welcome over there. I am not even pg but I don't even want to be there right now!I love you ladies and I am wishing you all the best![/b]

wow !!

thank you so VERY much !!!!!! I truly hope things calm down there, it is a WONDERFUL board and I loved every minute there, as I considered it HOME ! lol
you are welcome to post here whenever you want pg or not as far as I am concerned. If you are comfortable we'd love to see ya !!
of course when you get your BFP ....you will be a regular here for sure !!!!
~HUGS & BABY DUST TO YOU !!!~
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  #17  
April 27th, 2008, 12:38 PM
Mum2three's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
To the girls from TTCAL:
Hey ladies I hope you don't mind me posting hear since I am not pg but I just wanted to come tell all the girls from ttcal about how sorry i am about everything that is going on over there I haven't said anything in any of those boards cuz it really upsets me! I feel that you are all part of our family and I hate the things that are going on I am happy that you all have wonderful BFP'S and I enjoy reading everything you ladies post about. Anyways I just wanted to say I am sorry that there is so much drama over there and that you all don't feel welcome over there. I am not even pg but I don't even want to be there right now!I love you ladies and I am wishing you all the best![/b]
Thank you. that means alot!!!

That place and those girls are my family. i hate that there is so much drama over there, and i hope that it calms down. All of you mean something to me. Each one of you has a key to my heart.

I understand how it feels, but I for one that hardly posts there is being put down cause im pregnant. It really hurts. but I do see the other side.

I will back off from there for a while till I see that i can post again.
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  #18  
April 27th, 2008, 12:46 PM
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Quote:
To the girls from TTCAL:
Hey ladies I hope you don't mind me posting hear since I am not pg but I just wanted to come tell all the girls from ttcal about how sorry i am about everything that is going on over there I haven't said anything in any of those boards cuz it really upsets me! I feel that you are all part of our family and I hate the things that are going on I am happy that you all have wonderful BFP'S and I enjoy reading everything you ladies post about. Anyways I just wanted to say I am sorry that there is so much drama over there and that you all don't feel welcome over there. I am not even pg but I don't even want to be there right now!I love you ladies and I am wishing you all the best![/b]
awww, that means soooooooooooooooooo much!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! I wish it all would have been handled differently, its a home to me too, but now I dont feel exactly welcome, I hope it calms down and I can go back again though, I love to support all of you that are going through what we all went through too. The whole thing just makes me want to

You are welcome here ANYTIME!!!!

((HUGS))
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  #19  
April 27th, 2008, 02:24 PM
ShannonMVT's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Girls I am lurking...and saw this.

I too am sorry about all the drama going on over there. I do hope that everything settles down and that everything goes back to "normal". I do love all of you and hope we still get updates on how you are doing. I'll miss you all if you leave and don't pop in over there.

Huggles to all you pg ladies, and I do hope I get to join you over here soon. I love TTCAL but I am ready to graduate!

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