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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
May 8th, 2008, 03:12 PM
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Location: Upstate NY
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Hi all. I'm 7 weeks pregnant today, but I don't feel it. I had a miscarriage 4 years ago at 11 weeks. I think I'm scared to be too attached to this little one, as I don't want to go through what I did last time (I had to have surgery, as they thought the pregnancy was ectopic, although it turned out to be a normal pregnancy that was miscarrying, so I had completely unnecessary surgery and a long recovery time).

I'm hoping that once I hit 11 weeks, it might start to feel more real. I just feel like a bad mom already, because I can't be as excited as I'd like too. Can anyone relate?
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  #2  
May 8th, 2008, 03:23 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: California
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Im sorry for your loss.

I think we can all relate. The fear after a miscarriage is so strong.

with time you will begin bonding with your baby, the more you see him or her, and hear the heartbeat, and pass that 11 wk milestone, things wil become more real and you will become moreexcited.

Dont feel bad, you are a great momma
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  #3  
May 8th, 2008, 04:09 PM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,926
I'm right there with you. I am going through it too. So, I don't have any words of wisdom, but I just wanted to send you some

Hang in there!

edited for spelling
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  #4  
May 9th, 2008, 10:16 AM
kalis's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: IL
Posts: 6,523
sorry for your loss.

i think it is pretty normal to hold back that excitement and attachement, especially in the first trimester. we didn't even buy anything until after 17 weeks or so (& that was just a toy) b/c we were scared to actually look towards the future. we just couldn't take for granted that a baby will be here in august b/c we knew that things do happen sometimes.

i am sure you will find yourself feeling better & better as you pass each milestone. & you are not a bad mommy,... you are a great mommy for worrying- it is because you love your baby & are scared.
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  #5  
May 9th, 2008, 01:24 PM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Texas
Posts: 12,854
Welcome to the board and congrates on the new little bean!!!

I am sorry for your loss I had an ectopic last October and know what the surgery and recovery feels like. It was not too pleasent!

You are a perfectly normal mommy for being nervous...everyone on this board feels the same way!

I am almost 28 weeks pg and still have not bought a single thing for this little baby. I still fell nervous. As I am typing this I am starting to think "when is the last time I felt him kick?" then I remember it was just a few minutes ago. It is hard to think of good things once you have had a loss and know that pain. But it will get easier so your belly gets bigger.

H&H 9 months to you!
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  #6  
May 9th, 2008, 01:56 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
I can certainly relate hunny - and you are by no means a bad Mama!!!! When you've had a loss, I think you DO become afraid to get to attatched, for the fear of another loss. My milestones to get past were 5w4d (2nd loss) & 10w4d (1st loss) - once I past both of those milestones, I did feel better about everything.

Pregnancy after loss IS a hard time, I found it to be very emotionally hard, and for me the fear of having another loss never really went away - even though I knew deep down that everything would be fine....

Post here whenever you want or need to - WE all understand!

((hugs)) I hope the next 4 weeks go really fast for you!
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  #7  
May 9th, 2008, 02:07 PM
jademyst13's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Virginia
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I agree we can probably all relate. It will come with time I'm sure
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  #8  
May 9th, 2008, 06:17 PM
Babylove27's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,184
Sorry for your loss. I totally relate, and it is the entire reason I joined this site. I have had 3 losses, two ectopic, and a recent miscarriage, I cannot allow myself to get excited. I have been at 5 weeks, 8 weeks, and 9 weeks when I had my losses. It hurts so bad, especially when you are so excited and want it so bad. I do not even plan to tell any family and friends until after the first trimester is over, and that is totally not me B.

Although I want this so bad, I do not want to attach any emotion or hopes to it. I feel bad, but it is sooo scary. I just am counting the hours to my first doctor's visit. I have nerver had a good first prenatal visit, and I am dying inside to know if everything is okay. So please, don;t feel bad, and know we all have been there or are there. So hangin there, and I wish you Sticky Baby Dust. Take Care.
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  #9  
May 22nd, 2008, 06:59 PM
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Thanks for all of your thoughts, but this pregnancy ended in loss too I started bleeding Monday, and the us showed no baby and no heartbeat. I'm devastated, but we're going to try again. Good luck to everyone else
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  #10  
May 22nd, 2008, 07:48 PM
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Location: California
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I am soooooooooooooo sorry sweety

(((HUGE HUGS)))
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  #11  
May 22nd, 2008, 07:57 PM
angelmomjen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am so so sorry please try to keep your head up
((HUGS))
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  #12  
May 22nd, 2008, 11:56 PM
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Quote:
Hi all. I'm 7 weeks pregnant today, but I don't feel it. I had a miscarriage 4 years ago at 11 weeks. I think I'm scared to be too attached to this little one, as I don't want to go through what I did last time (I had to have surgery, as they thought the pregnancy was ectopic, although it turned out to be a normal pregnancy that was miscarrying, so I had completely unnecessary surgery and a long recovery time).

I'm hoping that once I hit 11 weeks, it might start to feel more real. I just feel like a bad mom already, because I can't be as excited as I'd like too. Can anyone relate?[/b]
I didnt' buy anything until 20 or 21 weeks...I didn't rub my belly..ever......I was very desensitized to this baby-really distant in order to protect myself for the worst case scenario. And then I, too, felt guilty that i wasn't as 'in tune' with this baby as my other three.

Don't feel guilty about the way you feel...you are sooo not alone! I still, even now, have a hard time...all the 'what if's' drive me crazy...

But I have just started to focus more on being grateful for every day that he is growing and staying there and that helps me. I don't have any guarantees, either and I wish I did, but we just don't.

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  #13  
May 23rd, 2008, 09:04 AM
dee68's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so very sorry for your loss

~HUGS~
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  #14  
May 23rd, 2008, 09:23 AM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,926
Oh No! I am so very sorry to hear that. You will be in my thoughts.
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