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Bittersweet day


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
May 12th, 2008, 12:27 PM
~ Christine ~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 5,223
I know I don't post here much, but I'm trying to get more involved. I feel like I need to be here more now than I did before, since I had a 2nd trimester loss last pgcy.

Yesterday, DH and DS made me breakfast and we spent the whole day together. It was great. But sometime during the day, it turned bittersweet. I kept thinking I should be holding my other son on Mothers Day too... It's been hard this week. Over the weekend, we saw all three couples in the neighborhood who had babies the week Luke was due. We ate dinner one night with two of the three couples and it was SOOOOOOOO hard to see them with their babies and not have Luke in my arms. I couldn't stop thinking about that yesterday and it makes me want to cry.

I hate that this pregnancy is riddled with fear and sadness. It's getting harder as I get further along because I know I'm already attached and I'm terrified I might not be holding him in a few months. I just want to be happy and believe, but I'm scared to.

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  #2  
May 12th, 2008, 12:39 PM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Texas
Posts: 12,846
I am sorry you found yourself missing your little boy yesterday Mother's Day is a funny kinda day for a lot of here.

It is very hard to be pg after a loss. But I am glad that you are able to come here for support when you need it.

(((HUGS)))

I hope that next mothers day you have your arms full with your two baby boys on earth and that your heart knows that your angel baby is with you too. I know no of use will ever forget the children we lost but time does help us heal.
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  #3  
May 12th, 2008, 01:02 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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I am not as far along yet as you are, but I felt the same way yesterday. My dd was stillborn at 27w5d and all I can think about is the fact that I should be holding my 10 month old little girl. Although I am thrilled and absolutely in love with my little one growing now, this baby will just never replace my Abby. Just as no baby will ever replace your sweet little boy Luke. We will always miss our babies. I am sorry it was a hard day for you too! It will be so nice to hear our little ones sweet cry, we just have to hang in there.
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  #4  
May 12th, 2008, 01:49 PM
kalis's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: IL
Posts: 6,523


a lot of my experince with being pregnant is bittersweet too. it is scary to let go of that fear and just look forward to the future. i just try to appreciate everyday i have being pregnant with this little girl & i know that i will never take her for granted.
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  #5  
May 12th, 2008, 03:57 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: California
Posts: 7,567
Christine, you know me from our DDC, I am glad you came here!!

Mothers day was bittersweet for me too, even my husband shed a few tears. I felt the same way you explained, so happy and blessed to have my baby growing in me, but missing my angel so much, he can never be replaced, and we will always feel that ache.

I am also really worrying about losing this baby right now, I dont know why I am so worried right now, but I am. I wish we could just relax, is that possible? LOL

((HUGS))
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  #6  
May 13th, 2008, 06:39 AM
Danica's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 4,478
I know exactly what you mean about it being bittersweet. *sigh* I hope that everything continues to go well with this pregnancy and that you are holding your little baby in 4 more months. Try to enjoy as much as you can with this pregnancy but I know it is scary.
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  #7  
May 13th, 2008, 06:54 AM
Sabina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Canada
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Even with a new baby it was still hard. I hope you are feeling better today.
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  #8  
May 13th, 2008, 09:17 AM
~ Christine ~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 5,223
Thank you ladies so much. It's so hard to go to every appointment, every two weeks, and be terrified that my cervix is shorter or that I'll be showing signs of PTL. I just tend to freak out on days that I have my appointments, becuase I am so afraid of being in the hospital on bedrest - which is what they do here for short cervix. That's bedrest till the end.

I really am trying really hard to enjoy this pregnancy and not let the fear overcome me. My water broke with Luke at 14w3d. I decided not to let the fear of this day overshadow this pregnancy, and that was the day I decided to send out e-mails to friends we hadn't told yet. It was a very refreshing way to not let that day consume me with fear when I kept getting e-mails of congrats.

Sabina - I have heard giving birth makes you miss your angel baby even more. I don't doubt it.
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