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When I was pg with Haley, I was just so happy and excited. I didn't really worry about anything. I didn't have computer so I couldn't read all the things that could go wrong, etc. Now that I've had my loss, all I do is worry the entire time. I just want to enjoy being pg since this will probably be my last. Yet, I worry about every little twitch, pain, symptom. Some days are better than others, but the worry is still there. How do you get through all this sanely?
Instead of typing it all out again, I'm going to copy/paste what I said in the DDC. This is how I do it:
You can't control what's going to happen. The natural instinct is to worry yourself into a frenzy. Sometimes it's really hard not to do. BUT, you just have to take it one day at a time.
Today, I am pregnant.
Today, I don't know that anything is definitely wrong.
Today, I'm going to be grateful for the new life inside of me.
IF the worst should happen, and I lose this baby, I will be very sad. But it won't end the world. That may seem blunt/harsh. It may seem like the world is ending at that moment, and you have to take time out to feel the grief, but the world moves on and at some point you will learn to pick up the pieces and laugh again.
I have as much (if not more) reason to worry as anyone. But I choose not to. I don't have the energy for it.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say, is regardless of the outcome, it isn't within your control. Do your best to take care of yourself, and accept that you are doing as much as you can. Don't let the fear ruin what can otherwise be a great experience.[/b]
Of course, I have the added benefit of having had a successful pregnancy since my loss, so I'm a little more relaxed this go around.
Michelle, its a fear that will never go away. and its totally normal for a woman to have feelings like that. I know i did after 2 stillbirth and getting pregnant with Makenna, i will say that each day is a trial. And that it was. Its all in how you react. if you keep things as simple as possible and think positive you will have a good out look. You can do it. And we are right beside you to help you through your pregnancy. If i can do it i konw you can do it. its not easy to be pregnant after a loss. Big hugs!!
It does help me a LOT to focus on each day & appreciate being pregnant with this child. That was especially helpful in the beginning. I still worried, and I still do, but there are now times where i can just laugh and enjoy her kicking the heck out of me or when she gets the hiccups.
But I admit that i can't just stop worrying altogether, though I wish all of us could.
Thanks ladies. It's just so scary. All in all, I try to just go day by day. I enjoy having this life growing inside me, even when I'm sick as a dog. I feel so blessed to have all of you to help me get through all the wacky and scary times. I love you all!
Ditto for what Brittney said. I am just to the point now where I feel relaxed and I'm starting to enjoy my pregnancy. Up to that point, I just took it and still do, one day at a time.
We're blessed to carry babies for no matter how long. If our babies don't make it then I remind myself that there was definately something special and needed from my baby and I was the one chosen to carry that baby. That makes me feel special.
You're almost at your first major milestone and your risk will drop greatly and that's another step in being able to relax. Then before you know it, you're half way, then you're at the critical point where if you did go into early labour, your baby has a chance to survive. Then you get to the point where you are in the double digits (like Angela, she has under 100 day now!) Then the third trimester and so on. To me, each one of those helps get your through.
I use outlook for my email and use the calendar for everything. I'm so corny, I have the number of weeks I am listed on each Friday. I examine it quite a bit. I know I'm strange, but it helps me. I even like looking at my tickers on jm.
So just take this baby blessing one day at a time and you will get there and you will enjoy your pregnancy.
I know what you mean, Its easy to think of how you should handle it, bt to handle it that way is VERY hard. after a loss we realize how fast life can be taken, and that we really have no control, and that is where my fear comes. I know I cannot change what might happen, and it scares the crap out of me. Pregnancy after loss really wears you out thats for sure!
Its perfectly normal, and it will get easier as time goes on I promise!!!! Just take it day by day, for me praying really helped me feel a little more in control of things. Even if you dont believe in god, pray to what you do believe in. It just made me feel better.
I don't know how I do it. I try to just read those "your baby weekly" things. I try to stay away from the bad things that can happen to you during your pregnancy. If I read it, I fear that it will happen to me tomorrow.
That was mostly directed to those who haven't had a loss before, who are just worrying for the sake of worrying. Once you've had a loss....it's different. Like you said, the worry is just there. Experiencing it is a totally different world than some amorphous "possibility." For you it's a reality.
So, it's normal to feel the way you do. I've said before, in PL, that a loss is more than that one moment in time...it affects every pregnancy you have for the rest of your life.
I won't lie and say I don't worry. I do. But like the other girls said, I try to focus on the positive things. The fact that, at any point in time (and this still goes for Erin too, not just the baby I am pregnant with), something might happen to any one of my children is still there in my mind. I just hope and pray for the best, and try to live my life like the best is going to happen.
Oh Michelle, to what all the girls had said. You know I just go back from the Doctors, and hear her said that I'm at the end of my first trimester and the changes of m/c are very low now, it lifted my mood by a lot, she yelled at me and told me to stop worrying and start enjoying the pg, so I'll try to take her advise, and enjoy each day as they come, each day is a precious moment.
Thanks ladies. I appreciate each and every one of you. You are all the best. I'm so thankful that I have you to come to. Now, lets all try to enjoy each experience every day. That's what I promise to do.
First off, very well said! That is the advice I've been following. I can't control tomorrow but I sure can enjoy being pregnant today!!
Secondly, what you said about worrying about Erin is so true. After my losses I became even more worrisome about Dahlia. I guess it's a bit of a good thing. I've never been an over cautious parent like a lot of first time moms. We've always been really laid back and Dahlia's attitude and demeanor reflects that. I think it's good. But, I started worrying so much more about her and her safety after my pregnancies ended.
Worry is a terrible thing to have to deal with it, and we all have good reason to be worried. I'm just glad I have others to talk to. You ladies are so reassuring!