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I got to reply to some of the posts for a change-I sure do miss that! Baby is doing fine...he measured 3 lbs 14 oz at 32 weeks. The complete placenta previa resolved so that means a vaginal birth for me, but I can elect a C-section-but I don't want that time to recover. So, 5-6 weeks left for me....and I truly can't wait to be done. Baby still has no name....Im still having trouble bonding but for different reasons other than a miscarriage now. My doctor is really concerned now about my weight. At almost 33 weeks, I should have put on AT LEAST 10 pounds or so, but I am 5 pounds under my PRE-PREGNANCY weight...two weeks ago, I was at my pre preg weight, and now I am 5 pounds under it-I have lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks-because I struggle to eat with all of this stress, I throw up often and never once had morning sickness this entire pregnancy. And when I am married to the type of person I am married to, I save all food that I can for the kids so they can eat in case he changes all the accounts again and I can't get them food, or even go to the store because he has the car. OH GOD! This is so awful! I am such a mess!
I suppose I just need to vent (or more at cry or pour out my heart) to someone other than a friggin counselor. I am not sure if I mentioned about DH before....but he wont go and get help for whatever his issues are and I struggle with the want to 'make' him go-for himself and for my children and this marriage. This guy is heartless and selfish. My 11 year old is so sad and angry at him. He said he loved her on his way to bed, and she responded with, "Yeah, whatever." then he gets mad at me for her feelings toward him. So I tried to explain to him that with his behavior and jumping out in front of my car and scaring me and the three kids the way he did, (just because I wouldn't give him the cell phone that I carry in case of...oh...I don't know...bleeding or my water breaking or labor-emergencies) then she has every right to be angry and feel the way she does because she is so hurt. This man looks at me square in the eye, and says-in the most evil way, "Oh well." who can say that about a child's feelings??? Who can NOT care when a child is hurt???? He doesn't care.
So, I have been down talk to his captain, and was most professionally and politely brushed off because he twisted up his story so much and all I could do was sit there and cry. Then all the lies on top of lies, despite saying he was going to try and work through all this! All the manipulation to his unit to his side of the family-this is the most disgusting thing I have EVER seen. He wants what he wants WHEN he friggin wants it. And it's all about money and video games, and movies and toys. If I buy the kids school clothes, he gets jealous and resentful towards them, towards me....and talks about all the things he deserves because he works so hard for them and should be able to go out on some kind of friggin shopping spree for himself.
He has involved his mother to the point where I don't want to talk to her because she meddles so badly in everything, and of course, I am the bad guy! He makes himself sound like a beaten dog...some kind of poor me pity party and I am convinced that he likes me and his mom not talking so there is only ONE side of the story and he always has someone on his side. But I don't waste my time trying to convince anyone-the truth always comes out in the end.
My 8 year old daughter however, blames me for everything and has these fits and tantrums and wants to take it out on anyone and everyone around her-usually me, but sometimes her younger brother. And finally tonight, after a she ran her attitude, and I told my son, he didn't have to put up with this and that he should go to another room and doesn't have to be around her. She broke down crying and said, "I just wanted a daddy that really loved me." My heart broke and I just sat there with her on what lap I have left and we both cried and prayed. Why did God bless me with more than I can handle? Why doesn't He just intervene and stop all of these kids' suffering????? Why did I ever trust another man? Why did I allow this to happen to my children? Too many questions I have......
So we went to my mom's this weekend...dh doesn't want to be around my mom because she yelled at him after scaring her grandkids the way he did-where they were all crying and hysterical. my mom has NEVER once said anything bad about him to me when we were in an arguement-even when I wanted her to..LOL! NOT ONCE...until children get hurt-her grandkids especially. Not that she was right, but it is what it is, and it wasn't my choice to do that. So he refuses to come over to my mom's probably because he is embarrassed about his own behavior an dhow he is hurting these kids, or his poor hurt feelings are just too important to even come up here for my son's birthday party-which was today. He chose not to. And my OB appointment was today so I had to come up anyway. He hasn't called all day to say happy birthday to him, he hasn't called to check and see how the OB appointment went, or even just to say goodnight. And that says quite a bit to me. I did try to call him, but there was no answer at our house.
SO...when I got back from my OB appointment today, I called my doctors office on the phone and talked to my doctors' nurse. I told her that I was in a situation that I needed the doctor to back me up on with a doctors note so I could bring it to the chain of command to demand that he arrange for him to stay at the barracks until this baby is born. The medical reason is so that I can quit being so stressed out and can eat enough and keep things down to gain some weight. But I needed the letter form my doctor as some sort of back up for his chain of command to address AT LEAST the health issues and getting this baby born healthy and to keep us apart in order for me to do that. The thing is, I am not telling him this part until the day where I go in and talk to his chain of command and he can call him into his office when I get there. I''ll be ######ed if I am leaving that house right before labor. Maybe his heart will soften and we can work through these issues, but maybe it won't-but bottom line....I need to take care of me and this baby and focus on that for right now or I am not doing my part in being a good mama for this little guy. So that will come as a shock to him. But if I tell him beforehand, I will have hell to pay for it.
I REALLY dont' want this man in the delivery room at all. And it's not out of spite...it is out of wanting to be as completely comfortable as possible while in labor and be surrounded by people that do love and care about me. Any opinions on this part? Should I just suck it up and have him there-on the sidelines or make it known that I don't want him there? I know I have that right. Any ideas? He will hate me forever, but I know that the only reason he wants to be there is because he wants to be told CONGRATULATIONS! FOR WHAT?? I need support and him being there will make me really uncomfortable.
I have rambled on long enough.......
Eleysia, I havent made it down to legal yet, but I was just wondering with a separation, do they still have to pay child support, or is BAH/BAQ still required? Just wondering if you knew off-hand.
I probably should have kept this one for my journal entry, but there it is!
I am sooo frustrated, scared beyond belief because I dont' know what to expect from one minute to the next, and I don't know what is going to happen. But I can tell you this much.....I have seen incredible miracles in just how this little unplanned man was conceived after a tubal ligation reversal and the birth control pill, to watching my whole world, my family fall apart almost overnight. I hope for a miracle.....love hopes all things-but not to the point of stupidity. So any of you who do pray, PLEASE pray for God's Will and His hand in this marriage-in this family-whatever that may be-because I have surrendered my everything at this point. Love you girls!
Aw hun, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. This is a lot to handle on its own, but then to throw being pregnant in there, you deserve a medal! As for having him in the delivery room, I don't think you are obligated to have him there. He hasn't supported you throughout this pregnancy, he shouldn't get to be there. Plus, how supportive would he really be. I agree with you, you need to have people around you who love you and support you. Good luck with whatever decision you make.
wow that was long!! I am so sorry you have so much going on in your life right now. are you living with him to work out the marriage? or are you guys getting a divorce? just curious, Im a little confused. but i do have to say I am really worried aboutyou and the kids, he sounds very unstable, and I would get away from him if at all possible to prevent anything more serious from happpening.
i am sooooo sorry you are going thru this. you and your kids deserve the BEST, and from what you said...a life with him is not anywhere near. your situation has made me very angry and if i could, i would come down there and kick some major a**. which probably wouldnt solve anything but men like that need to realize that they are NOTHING. ok (deep breath) im sorry, you dont need me ranting...
is there any way you can stay with your mother? or a friend or other relative? it sounds like your mom is close to your doctor, so that would be perfect. i dont think you should wait for him to change....your kids shouldnt suffer any longer. they will respect you MUCH more for getting yourself and them out of that situation. even if you love this man to death, you have acknowlegded that he is not treating you and them the way he should. your kids come first, this situation is shaping them for their future. show them how strong YOU are, so they can be when they are older. you guys may have to suffer for awhile, but it seems like you already are. and a little more suffering while you struggle to get away from this creep will well be worth it. i promise, ive been there. the government will help. they will help you get a job, build you a house that you can financially afford, help you with food etc.... i only know about the one down here, but you can pm me and i will get you all the info you need.
im sooo very sorry you are struggling with this, i know how hard it is. and it seems like staying is so much easier than leaving. and it is, until you DO leave and you struggle and you cry and then one day you realize you made it. you will be so proud of yourself and your children will be so proud of you too.
please dont ignore the situation like i did. my life is soooo wonderful now, and yours could be too. i will help you any way i can. im so sorry, and i hope i didnt say anything to upset you more. i know its hard, but hard is ok because you are strong and you have so much life and love waiting for you. i promise. i will pray for you.
Honey this is way to much for you to be dealing with, I hope that he goes soon. I wont NOT let him in the room with me, no way no how, not if it made you uncomfortable!!! I know its not the same, but my mom wants to be in the room with me, and we are close, but I have said no, because I would be thinking of her and whats she doing and looking at and SO no way..and the same goes for you..its a happy moment, and its your choice!! many thoughts and prayers for you..Im sorry you are having to deal with all this mess.
Thanks Nami for my beautiful siggy!
Wow, Girl Im so sorry. Also sorry for just having gotten to this took a break this weekend. God I wish you lived closer, you could totally come stay with me.
K so the most I know about legal and divorces/sep is that (for my command at least) you have to sit through a 1 day class, then they will help you with the dissolution forms. Thats it They do not have civil jurisdiction is what I was told. They will only help with non-contested (no arguments over anything) divorces. Im having a contested since my custody issue so therefor they wont touch mine.
If you do separate... until youre legally divorced he DOES owe you a portion of BAH, and if you get your children (which you should) after that he owes you child support. EVEN if he is staying in the barraks, because he will still collect dependant BAH. I can try to find the exact percentage he owes you. If he isnt paying you it should be pretty easy to get his CO's attnetion for that (by the way his CO sounds like a jack *****). Also, if he doesnt pay you for a couple months... you can have him back pay you everything he owes ya. I wanna say it is like 20% or something of his BAH each paycheck.
If you need anything else hunny please dont hesitate to ask or even call me if you still have my number. Even if it is just to vent, or catch your breath.