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Question on pregnancy after a loss.


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
August 28th, 2008, 11:52 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Grand Rapids Michigan United States
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My story is a little different than most. I found out I was pregnant in April of 2007. It was a surprise because I was on the pill. I found out at 18 weeks that I was carrying twin girls. I was 23 weeks and found out Baby A had a diaphragmatic hernia. This is where the diaphragm does not close off. It allows the intestines and other organs to be in the chest. It is a very serious birth defect. The chance of survival is 50/50 in a full term baby. I went to a specialist at 24 weeks. Their were also scared of twin to twin syndrome since Baby A had low fluid and was smaller. I went in at 26 weeks and the babies had grown about the same amount. I had the amnio done. Their was no other genetic birth defects. I went to my ob at 27 weeks with no problems. I ended up in the hospital a few days later because of pain, contractions, pressure, and puking. They sent me home. I went to the specialist at 28 weeks. They found my blood pressure was way up, and protein in my urine. They sent me to the hospital. They did blood test and had 30,000 platelets. This is very low. They were afraid I would bleed to death. I gave birth by emergency c-section as soon as they got more blood. I had severe HELLP Syndrome. McKenzie was 2 pounds 2ounces, and Madison was 1 pound 9 ounces. McKensie did very well and came home after 2 months and 2 days in the NICU. She came home at 4 1/2 pounds. Madison had surgery at 5 weeks old. She was the smallest baby ever to have this surgery. She also had laser eye surgery. She was defying all the odds. She ended up getting her hernia back. She developed pneumonia. She was on antibiotics and kept getting worse. She never made it to her next surgery. Her one lung collapsed. She could not keep her stats up. She would be brain damaged from lack of oxygen. She was at the highest levels. The did a chest x-ray and the other lung was bad and was only a matter of time before that collapsed and she would die. We chose to let her go in our arms. She lived for 5 months and 2 days. She will have been gone for 6 months on September 5. We have been through the ringer. I love being a Mom to Kenzie. I would love to have another, but I don't want to lose another baby. I am extremely high risk because of the Diaphragmatic Hernia, HELLP, Increased Risk Of Having Twins, Increased Risk Of Uterine Rupture Because of Vertical Incision, And Over 35 By The Time I Can Get Pregnant Again. I also would have to have a c-section because of the vertical incision. I would be taking care of a 2-3 year old, newborn and recovering from a c-section. I also don't want to go through the NICU again. It would be so hard to have Kenzie at home and a baby in the NICU. It also would be so hard to be on bed rest with Kenzie. Am I nuts for longing for another baby? I have another year before my ob would even want me to try. I guess I should talk to my ob about what she thinks. I just don't want to get rid of baby things if I will have any more. I just want someone else opinion who has experienced a loss. What do you guys think. Would you try for more or be happy with one healthy baby and a angel in heaven?
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  #2  
August 28th, 2008, 12:04 PM
dee68's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter.... I can not even imagine how heartbreaking it was for you and your family.

it is a hard decision to make when you weigh all of the factors....you are blessed to have a healthy little girl....but I do understand about wanting another baby. Follow your heart, that is all I can say.....and leave it up to God.
sorry I couldnt give better advice to you !!!
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  #3  
August 28th, 2008, 01:27 PM
greenchild's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: MN
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I am sorry for your loss hun. I can't even imagine.

I can't give you much advice, but I can be of a little help on the c-section. I had a uterine rupture with my last pregnancy, I think it was a vertical tear from the surgery pics but not exactly sure there - anyway the tear was at the opening of my right tube (which had already been removed due to an ectopic). The dr's are okay with me carrying a baby, but they will not let me go into labor, I have to have a c-section. As one dr put it, your uterus is very forgiving.
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  #4  
August 28th, 2008, 02:36 PM
*Judy*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: California
Posts: 3,320
I am so sorry you went through all that. As far as being crazy for wanting another one...NO WAY. I have no real info for you as all of my losses were early in pregnancy. I am of advanced maternal age. It hasn't been much different than my first pregnancy except I seem to be more tired. There were more tests, but that was a good thing as it helped to put my mind at ease. Just remember each pregnancy is different. I hope this helped at least a little.
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  #5  
August 28th, 2008, 04:02 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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No, I don't think that you are crazy for wanting another. I can't give you any more advice than what you've already been given.

Good luck! I think talking to your OB is a good idea.
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  #6  
August 28th, 2008, 05:08 PM
jademyst13's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Virginia
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I'm so sorry for your loss. You certainly are not crazy for wanting to have another baby. I agree that you should talk to your OB first and if they just want to brush it off and not help you I would say try going to another OB and explaining the situation.
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  #7  
August 28th, 2008, 07:06 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,632
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little girl.

You are not crazy for wanting another baby at all. When we lost our little girl we were talking about ttc again before I even left the hospital. Although we know that having another baby will never replace the ones we lost, the desire is still very strong and nobody can ever fault you for that.

I can relate to some extent about the fear of bringing a child into the world that will have medical issues. I am a type 1 diabetic and the odds say that 1 out of 4 of my children will have diabetes too, but the reality is there is a much higher chance that she won't have diabetes. And I have had diabetes since I was 12 years old and although it is difficult I am still glad that my parents decided to have me and didn't worry about the "odds" of me having a medical issue. I talked to my dr. about my conditions and I was told that although it could happen, there is a good chance it won't happen. My desire to have another baby outweighs the fears and that is why I ttc right away.

Like others have mentioned I would talk to your dr. or see a genealogist (sp?) and see what the chances are for this to happen again. I mean you have one daughter that didn't have that and one that did. So even if it is 50/50 chance, thats a lot of chance that the next baby will be perfectly healthy. Also talking to your OB about what concerns there will be with your own health should be considered as well because of course Kenzie will need her mommy. With the dr.'s help and between you and your dh I am sure you will make the right decision.

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  #8  
August 29th, 2008, 08:25 AM
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Location: California
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I am so sorry for all that you went through

I agree, I would talk to your OB about all your risks and chances of those risks.

My pregnancies are high risk for other reasons. with my son Ethan I had preterm labor at 26 wks and was dilating and effacing. It was really scary, but we decided to try again. with my son Kaiden it was even worse, I started out the pregnancy with a subchorionic hematoma, then at 18 wks found out I had complete placenta previa. and at 22 wks I went into preterm labor. I was on bedrest the whole pregnancy. strict bedrest from 22 wks on. When he was born they found 2 very rare placental abnormalities that could have caused him to be stillborn. we got VERY lucky!! Our 3rd baby we lost. BUT we decided it was worth it to try again and risk it all. and this pregnancy has gone PERFECTLY!!! so although its not the same as your situation, it shows that because one pregnancy can be bad, the next can be perfectly normal!!!

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