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Still cant beleive that i am here!


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
September 4th, 2008, 07:12 AM
keekopeeko's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: virginia
Posts: 7,278
Whenever i am walking past my reflection in the window of a store.. or in a mirror i STILL am stunned to see myself so huge and obviously pregnant! and obviously nearing the end... With layla it seemed so normal.. and i loved looking pregnant.. But with this one i LOVE it and feel just so blessed and releived to be at this stage in my pregnancy...

I feel like its been such a long, emotional, journey for me... We started TTC when layla was between 13-14 months... it took us 4 months to get pregnant.. and then i miscarried that baby when i was almost 3 months pregnant... it THAT recovery process took a very long time.. not physically so much.. but just emotionally being ok with what had happened.. I miscarried in Oct, had a follow up d&c the beg of nov and we started trying to conceive after my first period..and it took a couple months, that FELT like YEARS... I finally got pregnant in january with this one... and here i am... Still gawking at my reflection! Unable to really beleive that thats ME... I looked at moms walking around with their 1 - 3 year olds, all pregnant and tried not to start crying wherever i was for so long.. feeling like thats what i wanted! and now its here!

For me, i didnt truly come to terms with my loss until my due date.. May 11th.. mothers day.. i was 17 weeks pregnant with this one.. feeling movement and everything.. and was still sobbing my heart out in the shower that morning with this deep sence of loss... But after that day i felt like i was able to let go and hold on to the excitement for this coming baby!

I will never fully understand why i went through what i did... why ANY of us go through it.. why ANY of us have had to face looking at other pregnant women with an ache in our hearts... But i do know that this baby, this pregnancy, is SO very wanted! even though having 2 kids still scares me to death sometimes!... and that i still feel like i should be about 20 weeks.. not almost 34!!!

Just felt like sharing!!! anyone else out there look at themselves with awe!!!??

~Em
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~Em, Married to Matt since 7/3/04. Mommy to Layla 3/29/06, Eva 10/18/08, Zeke 2/4/11 and Jonah 7/28/13

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  #2  
September 4th, 2008, 07:45 AM
kalis's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: IL
Posts: 6,523
thanks for sharing! you brought tears to my eyes. i am so happy for you & i felt exactly the same way the last part of my pregnancy.
i feel that way about being a mommy now. it is wonderful & such a blessing!
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  #3  
September 4th, 2008, 07:50 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 10,074
Quote:
For me, i didnt truly come to terms with my loss until my due date.. May 11th.. mothers day.. i was 17 weeks pregnant with this one.. feeling movement and everything.. and was still sobbing my heart out in the shower that morning with this deep sence of loss... But after that day i felt like i was able to let go and hold on to the excitement for this coming baby![/b]

It's funny that you mention this, specially today, because today would been my due date and I'm 17 weeds pregnant with this one. I did not think I was going to be sad, but after reading your post, I realize how much this is hurting. I know I should be bless that I have this little one growing and is doing fine....

Thanks for sharing this with us.
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  #4  
September 4th, 2008, 08:30 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
My due date with Cora was May 14--also Mother's Day. Interesting that we share that. The feelings are a bit different for me, since I was 12 days from the due date when we lost her, so that particular day doesn't mean as much...except that it was Mother's Day.

Anyway, I had feeling very similar to that right after I had Erin. When I was experiencing what I had missed with Cora. Sometimes I still look at Erin 15 months later, and am so in awe that she's here and she's mine.


Anyway, I think a loss makes you appreciate the miracles so much more. Yes, pregnancy is a "normal" thing, but when you know how badly it can go, you appreciate the miracle of normalcy.

Don't lose that!
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  #5  
September 4th, 2008, 09:30 AM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,926
I don't know why, but I have been so emotional recently! This post just about made me cry Em!!

I know how you feel to a certain degree, but I still have a ways to go. However, I do feel very confident about this pg, and have a hard time believing it is really happening this time. I see and feel (ouch!) my belly getting bigger, and it is simply amazing to me to know there is a baby hanging out in there!

I feel so blessed and don't take a thing for granted. I think of my angels often, and wish they could be here. It still hurts to this day, and I still miss them, but am so happy to be where I am at today!

Thanks for sharing hun, this just struck my heart.....
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  #6  
September 4th, 2008, 10:41 AM
..Jessica..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 11,084
You brought tears to my eyes Em. I can't wait to experience what all you amazing ladies are experiencing right now.
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