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I was doing pretty good, but now it's exactly one week until my 6w5d ultrasound. I started thinking last night about what it would feel like to go in and not see a heartbeat. How I would have to call and email everyone who knew to tell them I lost the baby.
I think one of the few good things about it taking so long to conceive this little one is that it gave me some time to deal with my loss and "forget" about what it was like to miscarry. But it all came rushing back to me, what it feels like emotionally and physically and I am so scared of it happening again.
I feel almost like I don't want that ultrasound to come (although at the same time I don't want to reschedule) because it's like my days with my baby are numbered. Like what if these 7 days are the only 7 days I have left with him/her? I'm so not ready for this to be over but I am so scared that it could be.
Sorry, this just all starting hitting me last night and I don't know why. I WANT to be joyful and hopeful and somehow underneath all this I still am, but it's so hard.
Oh hon, I know what you are feeling....
that first u/s is the toughest I think.....and yes it brings back a flood of emotions.....
be strong sweetie and stay positive......everything will be fine !!
and remember we are all here for you !!!!!
That first u/s is the hardest. My best advice is to take it one day at the time, enjoy each day you have with your baby and think positive (which I know it's hard to do after a lost), distract yourself is you can. I had nightmares and I was sick before my first u/s, so everything you are feeling is normal. Once you see your baby's h/b, you'll start getting excited and some of your worries will ease.
I totally agree, the 1st u/s is the absolute hardest and most nerve-wracking, but think about how happy you will be when you see that little heart just beating away. The odds are in your favor, even if you feel they aren't, and I think it's your time to have a sticky bean! We will be rooting for you Shannon! Big HUGS!
Angels in Heavan. Helena May, June 28, 2007 & Alexander Michael, October 11, 2007
that is such a hard time to get through. we are here for you & i agree with patty sometimes the best thing you can do is enjoy every day you have with baby. and here's to many, many, many days with baby!
Honey!!! what everyone else has said! Take one day at a time, enjoy each day, think positive thoughts, try and keep yourself busy so you don't sit and stew. This time is so difficult, I know, we're here for you, OK. I don't have any other helpful advice for you, I'm sorry! I wish I did!
Thanks girls. I was at work yesterday and for some reason I think being at work always makes me start thinking of worst case scenarios, I have no idea why. When I'm at home it is easier to keep myself busy thinking happy things, even if it's just surfing JM and it's easier for me to be more positive.
It is such an odd feeling to be so grateful to be pregnant on one hand, but to be so nervous about the baby being okay on the other. I really think I have some preggo emotional hormones going on more in the last few days too. I'm more witchy with Dh and tearing up at everything like silly stuff on tv.
Shannon, I know how you feel too, it's like the others have said about getting past the first scan. As said, just take it day by day and as they pass you will become more relaxed and hopefully enjoy your pregnancy.
Strange, but I felt the same way about being home. I don't work but hated going out anywhere for fear of losing baby while out so I was always happy and positive at home too. I thought I was just insane......and so did my dh.
i felt the same way. when i got my bfp i was just SO happy, then a few days later, i started thinking what if it's already gone, and i just don't know it yet? i kept thinking about the unknown. that's the hardest part, is not knowing. even after my 1st u/s, i was nervous for the next one, thinking what if something had gone wrong in between then?
it's normal to feel scared, esp after a loss. i still am, i had an u/s last wk and i was still a little worried like what if there's no hb? i have no advice for you, since i had those same thoughts. but time goes on, and it seems to go by faster now that i'm further along. the early weeks are harder. once you see the hb you'll feel much better. after the 1st time, my fear lessened ALOT. still scared, but nothing like before that first u/s. i also burst into tears when i saw it that 1st time. it's awesome. you'll be so happy.