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UGH...my ex and his girlfriend.


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
September 19th, 2008, 11:24 AM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
I am getting soooo tired of my kids feeling second to this girl and her baby. Both my kids are pretty unhappy 99% of the time. They say their dad is always yelling and being mean to them. He snaps and bites their heads off for the silliest things.

Jeremy texted me last night and said " I can't live here anymore". My response was live here. I am soooooo tired of how they are treating my kids. Like they are second class citizens to him, her and the new baby. I just don't know what to do about it anymore but listen. They know they are always welcome here no matter who's week it is.

I do my best not to say anything negative about their dad. They know he has a temper. They have grown up with it. He always talks about it with them after and says he is sorry. He really isn't a bad guy...just gets angry easy and over dumb stuff. It is all her fault. I think she complains about stuff they do and then it builds up until he takes it out on the kids.

Jeremy got yelled at the other day because the shower curtain for his bathroom was on the floor. It was when the remnants of IKE hit us and the winds were strong. Jeremy left the bathroom window open and the shower curtain blew off. Somehow it was Jeremy's fault. GRRR he didn't even know what they were talking about when he was getting yelled at.

Jeremy has a temper too so him and his dad are always going at it. Amanda gets her feeling hurt easy and tends not to say too much back. She has always been a Daddy's girl and he tends to let her do anything she wants. It makes it pretty hard for me to give her boundaries and get her to do anything that isn't directly benifiting her. She thinks rules don't apply to her and if they do she can find a way around them. UGH I wish I could smack my ex sometimes.

I can't really talk to him about it cause he would view it as me telling him what to do. I know it would start a battle. I don't want to fight with him. He would let Jeremy live here... I just don't know if Jeremy is ticked off enough yet to actually tell his dad he wants to live here. You would think at this point life would be getting easier...LOL

Thanks for letting me vent
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Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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  #2  
September 19th, 2008, 11:37 AM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bremerton, Wa
Posts: 4,400
Argh Bobbie, sounds like a handful of mess I hope Jeremy decides to come camp out, even if it is just for a bit longer than he is normally with you. Maybe itll give the ex some time to chill out. I think his new gal is just dumb, you said she was young right? She prolly just likes to complain.

Youre scaring me.. this is how I see myself in a few more years once Gavin is a bit older and Chad moves on lol.


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  #3  
September 19th, 2008, 11:54 AM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
Well...divorce is always sucky... now way around that. Especially with kids...but we have always been on the same page with major decisions and with backing each other up where the kids are concerned. If he says no I back him up and he does the same for me. Without fail. I just never thought he would be like this when he settled down again. I figured our kids feeling would still be as important as the new girlfriends. I was wrong and that makes me sad. I don't want my kids feeling like that. I am just thankful they are old enough to see the situation for what it is. They know most of the tension in that house is caused by her.

Yeah she is young... 13 years younger than him... but she got pregnant and it is what it is I guess. I just wanted better for him.

I too really hope Jeremy just stays here. After all he is a senior and I won't have him around much longer anyways. He has it in his head he will be in his own apartment when he graduates and is 18. Luckily he has a good job and actually will be able to do it. I wish I was that independent at his age!
__________________
Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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  #4  
September 19th, 2008, 12:10 PM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 10,074
aww Bobbie, I'm sorry, I actually been there were your kids are right now. When me and my sister were in Boarding school, we would spend the weekends with my dad. For the first year or so, we were so miserable because we felt left out, we were young, 5th and 8th grade, but at the beginning she would complaint about us, doing our laundry, we ended having to take the it to my aunt’s house for her to do because she refuse to do ours and of course he never said anything (he also never got the award of dad of the year). My sister was always the favorite, so I hated being there. I know that it’s not the same, but I been there with your kids, I just wanted to share that.

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  #5  
September 19th, 2008, 12:32 PM
Wee3monkeys's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 3,352
I'm sorry, Bobbie, that just sucks as a mother to see that happening!! Like Patty, I've been there too. I had a psycho step-mother that was 10 years my father's junior. I was 7 when they got married, and it took my father 9 years, but he finally came to his senses. I hope it doesn't take your ex that long!!

I don't have any advice for you, as I was the child in the situation; I guess just be there for your kiddos. Listen and let them vent, and help as you can. *shrugging shoulders*
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  #6  
September 19th, 2008, 01:10 PM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 2,926
I think it is great that you don't say not-so-nice things about your ex to your kids, and that you back eachother up - BRAVO! It sounds like you are doing everything the "right" way, and that is all you ca do hun.

Everything will be fine, I am sure, just a rough patch right now....HUGS!
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  #7  
September 19th, 2008, 01:17 PM
Pound's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 3,071
since your son is already 18, i hope he just comes to stay w/ you. he doesn't have much longer before he moves on to college so why not? at least he won't feel like his dad doesn't care w/ all the criticising. sorry your ex decided to knock up a 19 yr old lol. (you kwim!) she's prob the reason behind all the drama!
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  #8  
September 19th, 2008, 01:31 PM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
Quote:
since your son is already 18, i hope he just comes to stay w/ you. he doesn't have much longer before he moves on to college so why not? at least he won't feel like his dad doesn't care w/ all the criticising. sorry your ex decided to knock up a 19 yr old lol. (you kwim!) she's prob the reason behind all the drama![/b]

I know I wish he would. It's got to be his decision though Jeremy is still 17, will be 18 in May. My ex is 36 and the girl is 22 or maybe 23 now. I don't know when her b-day is. I just want life to be what it was like pre-baby mama

Quote:
I think it is great that you don't say not-so-nice things about your ex to your kids, and that you back eachother up - BRAVO! It sounds like you are doing everything the "right" way, and that is all you ca do hun.

Everything will be fine, I am sure, just a rough patch right now....HUGS![/b]
Awww thanks. Things were fine till she walked into the picture. Now my kids are unhappy. Maybe she will walk out of the picture as quick as she walked in.... LOL I can dream right?
__________________
Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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  #9  
September 19th, 2008, 01:37 PM
Madison.Hailey.Zack's Avatar Mom of 2 Girls and a Boy!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 11,028
I to can relate to a point. When my dad first got remarried it was hell living with him and the new wife. She was always coming down on me because I was the one living with them. Then when my brother and sister were born it got worst because then it was all about them and I felt like I had been replaced and was second to them all. I always felt like I was a burden just being there because I wasnt her kid. Over the years and as I got older it got better. Now that I am an adult her and I get along great. I think some of it had to do with us figuring each other out. My dad has a temper too and I was always getting yelled at if she felt I did something wrong. Over time it got better for us two also. I still had moments where I felt left out like when they would do a family activity and I was never included even though I live 5 minutes from them. I finally told my dad how I felt and that I would love to be included at times even though I'm grown up and since then they try to include me as much as possible. Sorry to go on about me but maybe once your kids have had enough they will finally speak up for themselves and maybe just maybe their dad will finally see how they feel. But I know that it is going to have to be up to them to chose the right time for that as they are the ones directly affected by it KWIM? I hope things get better for them real soon. It will help alot that they have you so close to turn to when they need someone to talk to or just a place to go to get away. I never had that because my mom lived two states away. I was always jealous of my other sister because she never had to deal with any of it because she lived with my mom so it all came down on me.
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  #10  
September 19th, 2008, 01:42 PM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bremerton, Wa
Posts: 4,400
Quote:
Awww thanks. Things were fine till she walked into the picture. Now my kids are unhappy. Maybe she will walk out of the picture as quick as she walked in.... LOL I can dream right?[/b]

silly girl. you absolutly can dream lol!! I hope for your kids benifit that she pulls her head out. its so sad that they are getting their feelings hurt. Just TELL Jeremy he has no choice in the matter that youre kidnapping him until he is 18!! jk but really.. he is your little man I dont like to hear about him sad. I do think its wonderful that he will be able to do all that on his own at 18. maybe you guys can go look at apartments together or help him pick some ways to decorate i know youll think of something. youre such an awsome mommy anyways.

By the way i need to make a request of you lady. I want some ford/chevy pics. it has been soooooooo long i literally layed in bed thinking about that last night
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  #11  
September 19th, 2008, 02:58 PM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
I REALLY appreciate the advice of you girls that have seen the kids side of this situation. Knowing what might be going through their minds as the child really helps me. Thanks for all the stories.

About the Chevy and Ford pics.... I will get going on that. I haven't had the camera out for anything other than belly pics in way too long. I took some a little while back... I will post those until I get some new ones
__________________
Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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