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Heavy hearted tonight


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
September 30th, 2008, 05:18 PM
keekopeeko's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: virginia
Posts: 7,278
I dont know when this will actually post.. with things being strange like they are.. But i have no where else to talk about this.. Ive already cried on my husbands shoulder.. and that helped.. But im still hurting..

I shared about this a while ago.. My SIL Staci was pregnant with her 3rd but hadnt told anyone in our family yet because of issues with her boyfriend... She then started telling us at about 13 weeks that she was spotting.. but it wasnt that bad. etc... she then proceeded to tell us that she lost the baby at 14 weeks.. And i thoroughly beleived her.. and i hurt for her.. and i felt her pain so strongly because i had just been through my loss... Then just tonight i found out from our aunt (who is very close to staci) that she didnt actually lose the baby.. She aborted it...

i dont want to get into all the politics of this issue.. I just wanted to share that i am sooo hurt by this.. i mean i guess she couldnt have told me that she was going to do that because of my loss.. but to also let me go through all that with her.. and "supporting" her.. etc.. when she hadnt "lost" the baby at all..

This is not really something i can confront her about... beings that im not even supposed to know what really happened... But i understand better how she did react to the loss.. and that yes she is most definately still hurting.. and will for a very long time.. but for different reasons than i hurt because our situations are different..

Needless to say i am also sad for the sence of renewed loss knowing that ill never meet or be able to love on that little cousin that was supposed to be so close in age to this baby.. They were going to be less than 2 months apart.. and knowing the why behind it...

*siiiiiiigh*

Anyhow! im really happy i am going to meet my own little baby THIS MONTH!

~Em
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  #2  
October 1st, 2008, 05:24 AM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 8,212
Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can understand your sadness and disappointment. That really is a tough situation you were put in. I can't wait to meet your baby this month!!
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  #3  
October 1st, 2008, 06:51 AM
Melanie0507's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ohio
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Em

I totally understand. I went through the same thing with a *good friend* several years ago. When I found out a couple years later, I also couldn't confront her because of the way I had found out. I was so hurt after crying with her and deeply grieving over her loss.

We have since ceased being friends, I just couldn't handle all the lies, but I know you can't do that with your SIL. I just sincerely hope that time will help heal some of your pain and you will be able to move on with your relationship.

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  #4  
October 1st, 2008, 07:17 AM
woohoo502's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Illinois
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I totally understand your hurt. She lied to you, and while they were for her own reasons, she caused you to grieve something false. I hope that this doesn't end up hurting your relationship too much in the long run.

I am really excited to meet your baby this month too! I can't wait to see if you are having a boy or a girl!
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  #5  
October 1st, 2008, 07:41 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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It's got to be hard for you since you've also got the sense of being lied to and betrayed that way. I can understand her reluctance to tell people what happened, but it's still a breech of trust. I'm sorry that you have that renewed sense of loss. It's great that you reached out to her in her pain though (whatever the cause). I think that you should let her know that you know, but at a time when you're not so hurt by it, and let her know that you still love her anyway. It would be a really hard thing to do, but I think it might be good for her to know that you don't hate her for what happened.

Anyway, to you! I'd be devastated if I found out one of my sisters-in-law had done that.


And I'm so excited to meet your little surprise!!!
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  #6  
October 1st, 2008, 07:47 AM
Wee3monkeys's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Nebraska
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I'm sorry, Em! I don't even know what to say, or how to commisserate with that. I don't think she should have lied, while I understand that she thought it would be less hurtful to you, that kind of stuff always comes out sometime and makes everyone feel worse the second time around because they lied.

I'm terribly sorry for the sadness, hurt, and disappointment that this has caused! As you said, we get to meet your little one very soon; I can't wait to see if it's Ezekiel or Eva!!
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  #7  
October 1st, 2008, 08:04 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry, I really don't know what else to say other than I understand your pain and I'm sorry that you can't confront her with this. I would be so dissapointed and also I don't know if I would be able to trust her again.

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  #8  
October 1st, 2008, 08:39 AM
angelmomjen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think these ladies have said it all, Im sorry you went through this, and I know you have to be very hurt. Many thoughts and prayers for you. Cant wait to meet your baby this month!!!
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  #9  
October 1st, 2008, 09:09 AM
kalis's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I would be very hurt - i can't imagine how much this must bother you. I remember you posting about her loss. I'm sorry she lied to you and you have to deal with this.

So excited for you that your baby will be here soon!
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  #10  
October 1st, 2008, 01:17 PM
♥RainyLane's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I found out that my sister was pregnant a few weeks ago, she hadn't told anyone else. She then told me she planned to abort it which was a huge shock to me because she is incredibly into baby everything and was soon to be married to the father. She told me it was too soon for her to have a child with him because if it didn't work out she refused to be a single mother to two children. Talk about planning to fail... Anyway, I wasn't allowed to tell anyone so I had to keep this to myself and also my incredible anger at her irresponsibility and selfishness, in my mind. I told my mother anyway because against what my sister believes she is really understanding and I figured it would help her to know what was going on if there were any emotional repurcussions or anything, my mom knows not to tell her she knows. My sister told my mother that she had a miscarriage. This made me even more angry with her, because she was lying to our mother and I feel like she has been lying to herself about the situation and really every other aspect of her life, I won't go into that. I know it is everyone's own opinion, but I am personally very much against abortion and I was pretty positive she would never actually get one, we have talked about it a lot before. Part of why I was so shocked. I thought she could at least adopt the baby out, and I KNOW her now husband wanted the baby, but left the decision to her.

Anyway, I know it's not the same situation but I definately feel for you and your situation. I'm so sorry she lied to you and that you have to deal with this, especially so soon after your loss. I hope that you will be able to be at peace with the situation and not be too negatively affected by it.
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  #11  
October 1st, 2008, 01:25 PM
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Location: California
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this just makes me want to cry especially since she got it done so late. how heartbreaking. I would be feeling every thing you are feeling if i were in the same situation!! I am so sorry thats just horrible.
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  #12  
October 1st, 2008, 03:39 PM
keekopeeko's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: virginia
Posts: 7,278
Thank you so much girls!

i really wasnt sure if maybe i was crazy for feeling the way i am about it all... It was her choice and all.

Im so glad to have friends like you!

~Em
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~Em, Married to Matt since 7/3/04. Mommy to Layla 3/29/06, Eva 10/18/08, Zeke 2/4/11 and Jonah 7/28/13

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  #13  
October 1st, 2008, 05:11 PM
jademyst13's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Virginia
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You certainly aren't crazy for your feelings. I would be upset, hurt and confused too.
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  #14  
October 2nd, 2008, 01:55 AM
*Pamela*
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Em, I would feel the same way and would really have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I remember how hurt and upset you were when she "lost" the baby. I feel sorry for people that feel they have to lie about things and not be honest. Sounds as though she is still struggling, I'm sure it wasn't an easy decsion but she should have been truthful and honest. You don't sound like the type of person who would have turned her back on her.

And I can't believe you will meet your baby this month, boy has time flown by. Can't wait to meet him/her!!!!!
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