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  #1  
October 4th, 2008, 12:15 AM
*Pamela*
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but I do want to say that there was nobody here that made me feel I had to leave, none of you. I actually read the posts yesterday but started crying so hard. It has been a combination of things and tbh I was so sad when I felt looked over. I really needed you ladies and instead of saying so, I just put an update in, so that is my fault. I have felt so overwhelmed here lately and don't know if I'm coming or going.

When I said that I felt I didn't fit in, I think it's just down to you ladies having that past together. I wasn't on here alot and then I left and came back then was gone for a while when we were in the process of moving here. You ladies have always been consistant giving you a better bond. I think it's great that you all have that and I never actually expected it with me because I didn't have the history with you. Hope that makes sense. I think you ladies are amazing and I'm so happy that you're all pregnant.

I'm the type of person that tries to make life easier for my husband and children. Ex. if my husband needs his bike and the garage is a mess of tools, I'll go out and clean it while dh is at work. I know he would clean it at night after dinner but it gives more family time and makes it easier. 8 months pregnant and I'm still doing that and with him so busy, I feel like I'm going non stop. In my heart, I'd do it any day but at the same time, I need some things to be made easier for me at this stage, like help with drying the dishes or cleaning up. Maybe I'm being too selfish in thinking that, I don't know, but it's taking a toll right now.

My dh has been home for a week now and I've hardly spent any time with him. He's doing extra work and he's getting paid well for it but he's having to work extra time to get it done before he leaves for another 2 weeks of Germany next Saturday. So that leaves me with no help in the evening, especially getting our little one bathed and ready for bed. He is also just finishing potty training, he has been going on the potty for about 6 months now during the day but we were still working on night time. Well, for 2 weeks now, he has been getting up crying and doing the pee pee dance (very cute) and going pee on the potty so that plus I'm up all the time peeing, I don't get much sleep. I do have to say for the past 2 days, he has just got up in the morning to go instead of in the night. I'm really proud of him.

To top it off, my in laws want to come over here and visit for the day while Mick is gone. I just don't want to have to deal with it and I have to figure out how to say that I don't want them to come here. It's only 2 weeks and they are the type of parents that say they are moving cross country because they don't see their grandchildren enough. We are there every week as well as their other son with his family. My fil is very abrasive and has serious control issues. I will speak up to him about it but I shouldn't have to, he should know better. We were there on Tues and he was yelling at my teenager to help me with Ethanael and I had to tell him that Alex did nothing wrong that Ethanael didn't want Alex, he wanted me. Ethanael is afriad of their steps and has been for about 6 months or so, around potty training time. I know my fil did something to him on the stairs to make him fear them and that makes me so mad, and when I say he did something, I mean like pull him down the stairs. I don't even know why he was with him upstairs, my hubby and I were outside doing a pre run on our new tent and we asked Alex to take him up if he had to go potty. I'm sure my fil insisted on taking him so not Alex's fault. He's just a big baby and thinks he's a know it all and has to be in control and the center of attention and if he's not, he pouts and takes a fit like a baby. He also likes to make really rude and lude comments to me and my sil that shouldn't even be coming out of his mouth. I've already told my husband that I only want him and our children at the hospital when I have the baby. My jaw probably hit the floor when my mil told me she was going to start coming over everyday at the end of Nov to help me out.

Thank goodness Mick has a few weeks off and I told her Mick will be home. They mean well and have good intentions and are loving but these things mentioned above bother me. It can also be very suffocating.

My tummy pains are still there but not too bad. I still have almost 2 weeks till my next apt to see what she says. I also have a concern that this baby is breech at the moment but not sure, all my strong kicks are between my legs and down low. I wasn't really worried until reading that Angela's doctors say the odd of flipping are so slim, but she is all baby and I'm not so I'm hoping that due to my size that she still has room to flip. Once we have the big scan at 20 weeks, that's it unless there are other concerns so hopefully, my midwife will be able to tell if she is head down.


I know this is all over the place, pretty much how I feel, but it's just been all this building up along with the normal pregancy pains and discomforts.

So I'm really very sorry if I upset anyone. Next time I need to reach out, I'm just going to say so. Hopefully, I can get through the next few weeks while Mick is gone. I worry about him being gone for so long at the end of my pregnancy. I'll be 35 weeks when he gets back.

I don't want to miss any part of your pregnancies and seeing your babies.

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  #2  
October 4th, 2008, 06:23 AM
angelmomjen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Pam,

You do sound very overwhelmed and rightfully so. Missing Mick being pregnant having two children..and IN LAWS. Wow honey you are one strong woman I would have broke before now with the inlaws. I know its hard to tell them to back off and give you space, you would think people have that common sense but some just do not. Well if the MIL is insisting on being there, ask her to help you dry the dishes and clean the garage, let her be useful at least. And the FIL needs to grow up and realize he is a grandfather not the Father or the center of attention. I really have a urk for control freaks and feel the pain for you on that one. Nathan was breech until 30 weeks, and I felt like he was stomping on my cervix, then he turned. I know you are hoping the baby turns so I hope so for you to.

Take a breath honey. Slow down. And breath. I know it is easier said than done, but an unhealthy mom can't give her newborn 100 percent, so next time you go to clean the garage, just say my baby is gonna need this energy let me save it!!

Im glad you came back sweety!
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  #3  
October 4th, 2008, 06:47 AM
kalis's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: IL
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so happy you are going to stay with us! it made me sad to think of you leaving!
i can't believe how much you have on your plate right now - i would be beyond stessed. i think you must be an extemely strong & devoted woman. i hope that things calm down for you and you can get a chance to relax some.
i also hope your in-laws back off a bit. maybe you can think of plans you 'already' had at the time they want to come when Mick isn't there.
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  #4  
October 4th, 2008, 08:05 AM
*Judy*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: California
Posts: 3,320
to you Pamela!!!! It seems like you are going thru so much right now. I wish there was something I could do to relieve some of the stress you are going through. It's not easy!!! In some ways I am like you...if something needs to get done I just do it (it is usually easier than getting DH to do it), but sometimes it causes resentment. Just be careful you don't get yourself in that state. I am not sure what all has been going on (was having trouble logging on and busy with Ellie) but I saw you might be leaving and I just want you to know I value your input and appreciate your replies, posts and involvement in the group. I hope you know that some of do have a history, but we would never want anyone to feel unwelcomed or unvalued. We are all an important part of this board and we care about you very much. You are a ver active member and we would be lost without you. Just remember you are loved here no matter what.
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  #5  
October 4th, 2008, 08:32 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sunny California
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Pam, first I'm glad you are staying.

I'm sorry...you sound so overwhelmed, you seems to have so much going on, that just reading it it made me tired. I don't know what to say, since, dh is always home, I have no kids, and no in-laws ( ), so I can't give you much advise, but I can give you my shoulder if you need to cry and my hears if you need to talk.
We love you!
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  #6  
October 4th, 2008, 08:55 AM
Mum2three's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Pam! I can get over what i have just read! im so sorry that i wasnt around to help you through it. I just have been so busy. But im glad that you are staying. and to be honest when your pregnant things tend to get more hectic and seems to be more then usual. We are all here to help you out. and i have told you before that im only a pm away

You are such a wonderful person and mother here. and you have helped each one of us out in your own special way. You have lots of wisdom and shun the light on my situations for us. Please dont up and leave us! Your a special person here!
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  #7  
October 4th, 2008, 09:18 AM
Madison.Hailey.Zack's Avatar Mom of 2 Girls and a Boy!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Michigan
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I am so happy that you are staying with us. I understand the feeling on the bonding thing but just know that we are all here for you no matter what and everyone makes new bonds. I am so sorry that you are going through so much right now. Just remember to try and take it easy as best you can. I know thats hard to do at times as I'm going throught that too but we have to remember that we have little ones growing in us. We all you here and we're here for you always. Dont ever feel like you cant share what your dealing with. We will always help in any way we can.
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  #8  
October 4th, 2008, 12:09 PM
*Pamela*
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Thanks so much ladies. Trying to take it easy today so I took the kids to McDonalds for lunch and then to the grocery store and back home. Store was having a huge sale on baby items but didn't have the diapers, argghhh. They have the pampers size 3 in a box of 105 for 7.99. Will have to check again before they go off offer. I did get 2 boxes of pampers wipes for 13 that have a total of 19 packs so I now have 58 packs of wipes. It helps to get out and I didn't do a lot of cleaning today. I have dragged some of my baby stuff down from the loft so will have to assemble and take some photos to share.

I'm just going to have to come out and tell my husband that I think it's better to get together with his parents when he is here. This is a sore subject with my husband because he feels that me and my sil should treat them like they were our own parents. She is given a hard time because she spends a lot of time with her mum, but her mum is her best friend and if my mom were here, I would be the same way and I wouldn't expect my husband to take our children to see my mom. His mum and dad have said some awful things to me and even though I have forgiven them and treat them as such it does taint the relationship.

He did some horrible things when Ethanael was born and I don't want a repeat and I've got to learn to put my foot down and make sure it never happens again. I actually have a chance to be transferred after this baby is born to a birthing center closer to home, but it's a stones throw from them and I would have to tell the staff that only my husband and children are allowed to visit.

Thanks again ladies, I'm so grateful to all of you.
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  #9  
October 4th, 2008, 12:37 PM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 2,926
I think that is a good idea, and don't let DH make you feel bad either. Not like he would, he sounds like a great DH, but family is such a sensitive topic for most everyone. Your wishes need to be heard and respected honey. If you are not comfortable, then no one should make you do something or put you in a situation that you don't want to do/be in. Especially when you are giving birth/caring for a new baby! There are some people on my DH's side that drive me up a wall, so I think I kinda know how you feel.

I hope that DH is understanding and supportive, and that you have the birth/afterwards experience that makes you feel good now and in the future.

Lots of HUGS to you!!!



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  #10  
October 4th, 2008, 07:44 PM
woohoo502's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Illinois
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I'm glad you decided to stay! You have so much going on right now. You have every right to feel overwhelmed! As for talking to your husband about the inlaws only visiting when he is there, you may want to tell him it will do nothing for your relationship with them if you have to be with them so much when he is not around. It is nice that he would like you to treat them like your own family, but I think it is just hard to treat inlaws that way, sometimes. Especially when you have things in the past that have hurt your feelings.

Remember that we are always here to listen and vent to, and offer some advice.
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  #11  
October 4th, 2008, 08:29 PM
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oh I am soooooo glad you decided to stay, I would have been so sad if you left, I consider myself close to you just like I am to others on here.

You sound so overwhelmed and I am so sorry I hope things get better with the in law situation, I hope your husband is understanding of your wants and needs regarding that.

I also hope you get more one on one time with your hubby!! I completely understand where you are coming from with that, neils only got a few days off after corbin was born and now he is busy with school and work, basically the equivalent of 2 full time jobs, I miss him so much and just want to cry sometimes!!

we are here ANY time!!!

and where did your siggy go?
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  #12  
October 6th, 2008, 05:20 AM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 8,212
Honey, I'm so glad you are staying. I would have missed you soooooooooo much!! I'm sorry you have so much going on right now. You are such a strong woman. You're kids and dh are so lucky to have you. So are we. I hope dh will help with the inlaw situation. It sounds like they are both overbearing. I would be uncomfortable too. You need to take care of yourself and your children. To heck with the inlaws. I'm sorry you haven't been able to spend much time with dh. I hope that will change soon for you. We love you here and are always here for anything that you need. Please don't ever think of leaving again.
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  #13  
October 6th, 2008, 08:39 AM
Wee3monkeys's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Nebraska
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Oh, Pamela, you certainly have a lot on your plate! I'm so glad you decided to stay with us, and explained where everything was coming from! I think you've been around longer than I have, hun, to be forming the bonds with the other girls. Chin up, I think you are a wonderful caring person and enjoy your responses to everyone; as does everyone else I absolutely know.

As to doing all the housework yourself, you have to give some of that up. Gabriella is almost here, and you just shouldn't be doing some of that stuff. Especially something like cleaning the garage, you crazy lady. I would have fallen over and been exhausted if I'd tried something like that; you are amazing!! I don't think it's too much to ask for a little help with things right now; from DH, and also your older children that are able to assist you. DH really should be helping you, you didn't get in your condition by yourself; and you need help to get through it all too.

Now your in-laws..... WOW!! I don't even know what to say. I wouldn't want them around at all, period, if my father-in-law treated my children that way! I know that can't really be done, but oh my goodness, I don't know what I'd do in your situation; but I really wouldn't want them around all the time if DH wasn't there either. I think you have every right to make those kinds of requests. And it's one thing for you to treat them like your own parents, but if my own parents treated me the way his do you, I wouldn't want them around either. Have you explained that to him? Good luck, Pamela; I hope things don't get to bad for you, hun!!

Take care of yourself!! We're here when you need us. ALL the time!!
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  #14  
October 7th, 2008, 02:17 AM
*Pamela*
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It has been overwhelming, my husband does help out where he can but last week and this week is just crazy. He has so much extra work to do out of hours which could lead to a better job or possibly start his own business and a nice deposit in our account and with a new baby on the way and winter bills, it will be a nice cushion to by on.

I did have a chat with my husband that I think it's best that his parents visit after he gets back. He agreed and didn't even question why so hopefully he has now got the picture that his parents have done things that make me feel uncomfortable and I do what I can to visit them with Mick. Even dh struggles with his parents, they just don't listen, and he is constantly snapping at them and I'm the one who has to kick his foot to get him to stop. So he needs to see he is the worst with them. However, they are just very frustrating to deal with.

I'm just glad to get out of the 2 weeks with them but now have to figure out how to tell them.
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