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It's starting... I'm getting scared


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
January 6th, 2006, 02:16 PM
soontobemommyto3
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The m/c are starting to show up in my DDC. This is my 4th DDC so I knew it would happen. You don't want it to, but it always does. Several people will lose thier babies. But it makes me so scared... I don't want to lose this bean. I have no symptoms of any problems. But still when you read the posts, it scares me that I might be next. Dang I wish I had used overnight shipping with the doppler...

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  #2  
January 6th, 2006, 06:28 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I know what you mean...I;ve thought about not joining mine...I have not really introduced myself there for that reason...
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  #3  
January 6th, 2006, 06:58 PM
Ethans_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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thats partially why I havent joined just yet- I lurk now and then, but seeing cramping and spotting titles to posts just worry me and then when it confirmed a mc, I just die for that person!
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  #4  
January 7th, 2006, 09:55 AM
soontobemommyto3
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I just get scared because I know a certain number of people will lose their babies. And there will probably be one later one too. It's just the odds, know what I mean. And since I have already been a victim of the odds, I'm very sensitive to them.

Obviously I don't want anyone to lose their baby. But it happens
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  #5  
January 7th, 2006, 01:38 PM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I see that we've had one in my DDC too...I've only posted in the intro area, I think I'm afraid to really get involved until I see the heartbeat. I dont want it to be like this though. I want to be just as happy and innocent as the rest of the moms.
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  #6  
January 7th, 2006, 04:27 PM
soontobemommyto3
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Quote:
I see that we've had one in my DDC too...I've only posted in the intro area, I think I'm afraid to really get involved until I see the heartbeat. I dont want it to be like this though. I want to be just as happy and innocent as the rest of the moms.[/b]

I know exactly what you mean. This baby deserves me to be excited about him/her and yet I am afraid too. I just keep thinking, I know he/she is dead. I have no reason to believe that. I guess I just hope if I do m/c it is quick and bloody. I know that sounds terrible, but I walked around with a dead baby in my tummy for a week last time thinking all was well and going on and on about how she was a girl and what her name was. I felt like such a fool.

Can't wait for my doppler... I know that will help me relax. Next Tuesday it is due in. It is sitting in Fresno right now....

Sorry to be a downer to anyone, obviously I'm worried and scared...
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  #7  
January 8th, 2006, 06:52 AM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You're not a downer at all. I thought the same thing because I had a missed miscarriage. I felt stupid thinking how well I was doing with that last pregnancy, no m/s or anything. I dind't have any bleeding, just low heartbeat on the US and then no heartbeat.
Sometimes I read the posts on the DDC and I'm thinking, how can you be so happy? You're only 3 weeks along, dont you know that anything can happen. Now, I am happy, but it's tainted. I think when I get to the 12-13 week point, I will be a little more secure.

Susan. I am excited about your doppler, post immediatly after you use it! I hope they are easy to operate.
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  #8  
January 8th, 2006, 07:51 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I've posted a few questions in my ddc but...and I ahte to sound mean...the responses were less than comforting. Logically I understand the naivty that comes along with never having had a m/c so i understand their inability to really understand where I'm coming from but at the same time I long for a group who gets what I'm saying. I know you Susan and leeda do...I think I may just stick around here for awhile...I just don't know that I will ever be as excited as they are on that board...
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"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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  #9  
January 9th, 2006, 08:51 AM
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This is the exact reason I abandoned my DDC for quite some time. As soon as I started seeing those posts, I just had to walk away. I felt terrible, because I felt like I should be supportive when so many people were supportive of me, but I just couldn't do it. You'll get through it, just try to stay away from the posts that you think will upset you. And the MC posts will get fewer and fewer as time goes on.
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  #10  
January 9th, 2006, 11:22 AM
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I know exactly what all of you are thinking and feeling. For us, the fear is always there. When I was pg the first time, I never thought it would happen to me. But alas, it did. I am super excited, but still not trying to get my hopes up. It is hard not too, but I still want to be excited.

Question for you all....Are your dr's giving you an u/s earlier than the norm because you have m/c? I have had my initial visit w/the nurse but do not see the dr until Jan 20. Last time I miscarried at 11 weeks, but when I had my u/s the baby only measured 5w2d. I have now passed that time, but am still nervous that the baby is growing correctly inside me. My symptoms are actually getting worse. Never had m/s before, but the nausousness is starting. Just looking for some insight....

Thanks and good luck to us all!!!

Amy
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  #11  
January 9th, 2006, 11:48 AM
hopin4a4rth
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((hugs))) I understand that fear. I had to spend less time on JM during the higher risk of m/c time because a lot of ladies on our DDC lost their little ones and it was so sad & so hard for me to read after my losses last year.
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  #12  
January 10th, 2006, 12:17 AM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Auntmeme, I have heard that a lot of docs give earlier u/s to people with previous miscarriages, but my doc is not even going to see me until the 9th week. My baby stopped growing at 6 weeks last time, but I was 8 weeks along when I found out, so I would really love an early u/s to see a good strong heartbeat.
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  #13  
January 10th, 2006, 04:15 AM
Blessings B's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You know the ddc is a hard place for those of us who have m/c . When the girl lost her baby at 18wks I lost it. Thank goodness I had my Doc appt yesterday. I would have been a nervous wreck.


About your u/s question, as I posted In Leeda's thread, I called my Doc direct, Ihad never seen her before , and she got me in pretty fast with u/s. The nurse is not the ultimate decision maker. B Good Luck
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  #14  
January 10th, 2006, 07:44 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I say talk to the dr as well...the nurse is somethimes the bulldog at the gate ...it's hard to get around her but if you do you can usually get in with the dr asap.

yeah I'm not a fan of the ddc myself right now. And Leeda I totally hear you abotu getting involved until there is a heartbeat. I wonder why yoru dr is making you wait till 9 wks? A hb can be seen at 6...i'm gonna ask my dr to see me that 6th week...maybe 7th but absolutely no later. I'll have a tantrum if I have to remember you won't know until you ask...it;s worth a phone call if it makes you feel better.
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Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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  #15  
January 10th, 2006, 09:00 AM
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My midwife made an extra appointment for me to see the HB at the same time as when my baby stopped developing last time. It was really comforting.
Other people's ignorance is really hard for me to take too. Our friend is prego right now with her first and she told all of our friends while we were on a trip to Mexico, even though she was only 6 weeks along and hadn't even seen a doctor. When I started to explain to her what happened to me last time, and the D&C and all that, she just looked mortified that I was even talking. I had to stop myself and tell her not to worry because what happened to me is rare, even though I knew that was a lie. I just couldn't ruin her perfect perception of pregnancy.
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  #16  
January 10th, 2006, 10:32 AM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Norina, Leeda, Stephanie...and maybe someone else...we're all September DDC people. Hehe. I'm the same way--I'm a little afraid to go in and get too comfrotable because (here comes the silly part) I'm afraid that might increase my chances of being the one who miscarries. I'm still terrified. I have no indications that anything is wrong, but that's often the case before a mc, right? I think that ours may have suffered already. I don't wish it on anyone.

The very sad part is, though, that I still can't get excited. 6w3d today, and I've yet to get that excited. I almost get angry with DH when he talks about his excitement--how fair is that? Instead, I get sad and remind him that this is at least number 5 and we have no kids. He hangs onto the "good numbers", though. I wonder when I can get excited...

My first appointment is a week from today. I think that it's an ultrasound, which is unusual for this doc's office, but since this doc handled the previous miscarriage, she just might be trying to understand me this time!!! I've almost looked at it as a gloom and doom appointment. Sheesh.

Anyway, as for the DDCs, I understand. It's more than worry for myself--my heart breaks for the women who are worried, too, who miscarry, who spot, anything. At the same time, I can't relate too well sometimes to the excited posts and I'd rather not cast a shadow on their excitement. Today, especially, is hard...was the due date for my first pregnancy that made it halfway.

Sorry...I'm just not in a good mood lately. Anyone for a cheery vacation?
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  #17  
January 10th, 2006, 09:47 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Iamkc...I am so sorry about your first pg that made it half way...I hope you took time today simply to reflect and be good to yourself. i know what you mean about being ferarful of being "the one" to m/c...after I posted my good news about my numbers the thought did flash thru my mind...what will i write if this ends in m/c...isn't that horrible?
Hugs to you on this difficult day.
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Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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  #18  
January 11th, 2006, 09:30 AM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you, Norina...and I'm sorry that your happy occasiona was marred by "What ifs." I feel the same way. If I post something remotely excited, I'm thinking, "I just jinxed myself."

I hope it ends...the intense worrying, of course--not the pregnancy.

Sticky dust for all of us!

Yesterday, I spent being worried about a friend who's upset with me, running errands, and just plain worrying. I was lost in thought the whole time. I had no business being out. Oh, well...today is another day. I'm trying. Now, if I could just be violently ill and horrendously sore and devastatingly tired, I'd feel better.
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  #19  
January 11th, 2006, 02:14 PM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Now, if I could just be violently ill and horrendously sore and devastatingly tired, I'd feel better. tongue.gif[/b]

Never in all my days would I think I would agree with this statement. I worried quite a bit yesterday and shed a few tears, as well as this morning in the ER. I am going to try to calm myself down, watch some cartoons or something
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  #20  
January 11th, 2006, 02:29 PM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
Quote:
Now, if I could just be violently ill and horrendously sore and devastatingly tired, I'd feel better. tongue.gif[/b]

Never in all my days would I think I would agree with this statement. I worried quite a bit yesterday and shed a few tears, as well as this morning in the ER. I am going to try to calm myself down, watch some cartoons or something
[/b][/quote]

Hehe...I think this makes us certifiably crazy! Good idea on the cartoons!!! I think that DH and I might wind down for the night with some. What's more relaxing than cartoons?!
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