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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
December 5th, 2008, 09:57 AM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 8,212
I'm starting to get nervous/anxious about having this baby. I know that I will have a scheduled section. That doesn't really bother me. Been there, done that, KWIM? What I'm worried about is Haley! She is my baby and has been my only baby for 4 years. She's never been away from me for more than an hour or so. I've asked and they say she can stay at the hospital with us. I will bring toys, games, such for her. Plus, my in laws, both parents, sil, aunt will all be there quite a bit I'm sure. So, one of them can take her for a couple hours somewhere if she wants. She doesn't like to be far from mommy I just don't want her to feel left out of anything. I mean, she won't be in delivery, of course. All the people mentioned above will be in the waiting room with her. I know she'll be in good hands. BUT, I will still be worrying about her while I'm in the OR having Tyler. I just want her to feel.......I don't know what I'm trying to say. I never, ever want her to feel second or left out. I want her to be a part of all of it. It's starting to get me extremely anxious. Any suggestions?
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  #2  
December 5th, 2008, 10:09 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 10,074
I'm sorry I actually have no suggetsions or advice since I have never been through it.
I know this is not the same but I'm having a lot of anxiety, but mine is about the dog, I'm afraid everyone is going to be so focus on me that they will forget her and one will feed her or gove her water or let her inside the house at night. Again, I know it's not the same, far from being similar.
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  #3  
December 5th, 2008, 10:12 AM
madmum_sarah's Avatar formally sarah_the_sane_1
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 15,004
have you spoken to her about it hun? i know she is young but when i had sadie louie wanted to be there and i sat him down and explained a few things including it wouldnt be for long and that i would have baby with me when i came out. i showed him some pictures (child friendly) and even made him a little book of what will happen before during and after and what he could help with etc. it really did help him.
i have already spoken to sadie and she understands more at 3 than he did then but il be doing the same for her when i know whats going on.
i including scan pics in the book and he took it with him while i was in labour to remind him what was coming out.
i think you are probably more anxious than she is hun but all will be ok.
xxx
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  #4  
December 5th, 2008, 10:16 AM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
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Location: TX
Posts: 8,212
I've explained it all to her. She seems to understand. I know, I'm just being a worried mommy!!
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  #5  
December 5th, 2008, 10:34 AM
madmum_sarah's Avatar formally sarah_the_sane_1
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Location: scotland uk
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worried mummy is a loving caring sensitive mummy so thats not a bad thing hun. i just want you to relax a bit. you got to think of you and tyler
xx
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  #6  
December 5th, 2008, 10:50 AM
dee68's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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here is a thought....
do you or someone have time to take Haley out to buy something from "her" for her baby brother?
that way she can feel more involved too...she may like the idea of picking something out in her own KWIM?
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  #7  
December 5th, 2008, 11:01 AM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
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Location: TX
Posts: 8,212
Dee, I actually thought of that. She is gonna pick out his coming home outfit and a stuffed animal.
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  #8  
December 5th, 2008, 01:46 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Texas
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She'll probably be more excited than upset. I know I was soooo worried about leaving my son, and he had just turned 2 when I had Christian.

About a month before my delivery I got a baby doll and we started practicing for the baby, like putting it in the carrier, so my son could learn that he'd have to wait for me to put on his shoes or jacket, whatever, while I took care of baby. We also pretended to change diapers, and I'd give him jobs like pulling out the wipes. It was a like a test run, and it helped a lot.

I also had a present from the baby for his big brother packed in my overnight bag. It helped since so many people were bringing the baby gifts, but my oldest son got to be the FIRST to get a special gift from his new brother.

HTH! I was so nervous about leaving Dominic because I'd NEVER left him overnight, but he did great. He loved the one on one time he got with his Papa (my dad stayed with us to help out).
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  #9  
December 5th, 2008, 02:49 PM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Awe honey, I think you are a great momma for being so concerned and I think that trait will carry you through this transition time quite well. I think Haley will be super excited too, and you will be there for her if she ever feels anything else.
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  #10  
December 5th, 2008, 04:14 PM
angelmomjen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: South Carolina
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I think that involving her in it is wonderful, having someone there to give her a break is good to. Chelle..your a great mama and know whats best for her!
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  #11  
December 5th, 2008, 04:53 PM
NeeshBoogie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 586
I think you're a wonderful mom to be so concerned. I also think Haley will follow your lead in this transition time and both of you will do beautifully.

My mom has 5 of us, and I'm the oldest. Everytime a new sibling was on the way, my mom took the existing children to Disneyland (which means I was at Disneyland at 4 years old with a pregnant person...we got on zero rides ) so we felt some kind of special before a new attention grabber arrived, I think this is an interesting tradition but I don't know that it solves the problem. She did, however, allow us help with the baby however we were able, so that we never felt left out, and encouraged us to still be ourselves (praising us for being big girls and boys who got ready for school or brought home pictures we colored at school, etc.), so we understood we didn't have to be "the baby" (or harm the baby) in order to get Mom's attention.
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