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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
December 11th, 2008, 07:03 AM
madmum_sarah's Avatar formally sarah_the_sane_1
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 15,004
i posted this in private areas but i thought i should let you all know why im only replying to a few posts at the mo.

im sorry im not really posting much (on topic anyway)
i just cant seem to control my hormones right now. im serisouly grieving for my angel (well all of them really) and i feel so bad but i cant get excited about this baby no matter how much i try.
im forcing myself to post on my ddc etc but my heart is just not in this anymore.
my "relationship" with shane has gone. he sitll loves me and me him but i cant think about it at all right now. mark has been in touch and most of the time he is sweet, caring, the man i fell in love with. he does have his days where he goes off on one (like he just did to me ) but no matter what, i cant help love him and wish he was involved in all this.
im so confused. im starting to think what i feel for shane is being exagerated by preggy hormones. i know i love him, i always have but arghhh i dont know.
mark now wants to be involved with the baby and sadie has started missing him terribly which just makes me want to sort things for the kids sake (not get back together, just sort things and be nice to each other) but i cant trust my own feelings right now.
i tried using my crystals to help last night but i just got confused about which ones to use which got me angry as ive done it so many times now. i tried meditating and talking to the angels but didnt even know what to say because im so messed up.
im trying so hard to be positive but i just dont feel that i have it in me anymore.
im sorry to let all this out girls but i know in my heart only you girls will understand how messed i am right now.
i can feel you all praying for me and glow worm and i really appreciate it but i dont know what to do for the best anymore
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  #2  
December 11th, 2008, 07:53 AM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 8,212
Honey, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. I wish I lived closer to keep you company. Please know that we all love you and are here for you. I'm still praying for you and your bean. Many hugs, prayers, love coming your way.
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  #3  
December 11th, 2008, 08:49 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 10,074
Oh sweety, I'm sorry you are going through so much all at once. I also wish I lived closer, but you know that I'm here for you. Just know that we love you and we are here for you.
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  #4  
December 11th, 2008, 09:54 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I don't really have much to add but more I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time honey. I can imagine that all that would be incredibly confusing. I hope you get things figured out!
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  #5  
December 11th, 2008, 10:23 AM
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Location: California
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  #6  
December 11th, 2008, 10:28 AM
NeeshBoogie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 586
I hope you get things figured out soon, I know the emotional rollercoaster can be as nauseating as any other rollercoaster. Maybe once your hormones settle down everything else will as well. I'll pray for you definitely.
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  #7  
December 11th, 2008, 10:57 AM
IAMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 5,318
Sarah - I am really sorry you are going through all of this right now. I'm sure I don't know exactly what you are feeling, but I remember the confusion, hurt, joy, and a million other emotion that comes with losing one twin, and struggling to keep another safe and sound. I'll be praying for you and both your beans.

Hopefully once all of the pregnancy hormones have gotten under control a bit more, the rest of life will fall into place too. You are a smart woman, and you will know which way to go.
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  #8  
December 11th, 2008, 01:41 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754

Sarah, I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time right now. Everything seems so confusing for you and on top of everything you are going through and raging hormones and confusing men, I can see why you are feeling so lost and out of it. I'll keep on praying for you that everything gets sorted out and that things turn up for you soon.
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  #9  
December 11th, 2008, 02:39 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,478
((HUGS)) Sarah. I wish there was something I could do to make it all better. It's completely understandable that you need some time to grieve your loss. I'm so sorry that you're going through all this, and I'll keep hoping and praying that things turn around for you soon. ((HUGS))
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  #10  
December 11th, 2008, 06:44 PM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,926
Sarah, I can't even imagine what you are having to deal with right now. I don't know the whole background, but it sounds like you are dealing with relationship issues on top of all the other emotions of losing a twin. I am truly, truly sorry, and will keep you in my T&P's. Please know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and until you get there, we are all here for you. Many, many HUGS!
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  #11  
December 12th, 2008, 03:38 AM
madmum_sarah's Avatar formally sarah_the_sane_1
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 15,004
thanks girls. i knew you would understand.
well, a small update (some of you aint gonna like this! )
i have cooled things with shane. i explained to him that with pregnancy i am thinking my feelings for him are being exagerated and at the end of the day i love mark (there is a VERY fine line between love and hate)
i know mark has been a complete bleep lately and not been great for a long time but i feel bad too because i know his mental state was going downhill since he found he had heart problems because he has 4 boys and mine always want him to play football and he cant so feels like a useless dad and is worried about how he will manage a baby. i know its no excuse for what he did but looking back, we both did and said things we shouldnt have.
we have spoken a couple of times and end up arguing but last night i was talking to him til 4 am. we got a lot out in the open. we argued once and he stopped talkin because he didnt want that.
now i have pulled back my emotions and distanced myself from shane, i know i still care for him but i am realising a lot of what i felt was feeling for him was because i was getting the attention i should have been getting and wanted from mark.
no, we are not back together. we are just talking but things are a lot more civil and i feel stronger in myself today as a result.
thanks for all the support girls. i would have gone mad by now without you all.
xxx
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  #12  
December 12th, 2008, 06:33 AM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 8,212
Just remember that we all want you happy and we are all here for you
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