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Do you ever feel like you are going to jinx it?


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
January 27th, 2006, 04:19 PM
soontobemommyto3
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I have this feeling if I tell people then I will jinx the pregnancy and the baby will die.

I know this comes from the fact that Cassie died like 2 days after we found out she was a girl and I was going around telling everyone she was a girl and what her name was and I was so proud and happy and she was dead.

We had only told a few people, my mom, my friend who lost her baby at 22 weeks (she asked me) and my hair stylist (she asked me). Then around 9 1/2 or 10 weeks one of my friends picked up on something I said and asked me. She is part of my kids' playgroup so I felt I had to tell the other moms too so no one felt left out - especially since one of the moms and I have been friends for almost 10 years.

So that's it only 7 people know. But I'm 12 weeks and technically in the "safe" zone, which of course we know is nonexistant since babies can be lost between now and birth and even after. And I also know I'm showing because my chiropractor told me my belly was getting big enough for the preggo table

I'm still wearing a jacket when I drop off and pick up my kids from school because I don't want anyone to know yet. I'm just so scared of telling! I'm so afraid as soon as I tell the baby will die But I have to start telling sooner or later... I'm sure people are wondering - is she pregnant again or is she getting fat? But are afraid to ask because of my loss.
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  #2  
January 27th, 2006, 04:36 PM
*~Candy~*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Midwest
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oh hun! I am sure you are worried that something will happen, it is so scary. We told everyone right away this time b/c i have a big mouth and couldn't resist. But now that is how i feel, i am thinking "oh great now that everyone knows something is going to happen and i am going to feel stupid". But we can't think of it like that. My opionion is that I am glad we have told everyone because if something happened like last time we had so much support. I don't think i could have gone through it all without the help of my family and friends. I know you are terrifed and have every right to be. Its your personal choice to tell people or not. But in a way i feel that you should be happy and celebrate it because if you don't later you might regret getting to enjoy this pregnancy.

I am sorry i know it's tough what we all gone through and its a shame we can't just be happy .
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  #3  
January 27th, 2006, 09:43 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
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you know people discourage me from telling people because "what if"...well you know what? I ended up having to tell everyone about my m/c's agfter the fact because I was so depressed it could not be hidden that something devastating happened to me...so for me I don't think I'll be able to keep it quiet much longer
Anyway...we can talk ourselves into or out of almost anything...keep in persepctive that things can and will go differently and nothing you say will hurt your baby...continue to voice those thoughts here and we'll continue to validate and help any way we can.
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Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

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  #4  
January 28th, 2006, 03:22 AM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I've told everyone I know. Here's why: I am happy and I like to share when something good happens to me. Even if I did lose this baby, it would still have been a happy time in my life when I carried him/her. Finally, in the event of a loss, I would want people to know why I was so depressed, that I had lost someone I loved.
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  #5  
January 28th, 2006, 03:27 AM
SpugsLady's Avatar Veteran
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Hiya,

I also think like this too, when i found out i was pregnant b4 i m/c i told almost everyone after it had sunk in, which caused alot of dissapointment after i'd m/c. People say 12 weeks is safe to start telling people though, becoz soon enough u'll start showing anyway. If the pregnancy is going well, and you are comfatable with telling people then go ahead, don't dwell on the past otherwise everyday of this pregnancy is gonna be a living hell for you Good luck xxx
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  #6  
January 28th, 2006, 07:44 AM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
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I don't want to tell ppl one minute and others the next.
I don't feel as though I am jinxing the situation, but I think I want less ppl to know so I don't have to tell that many ppl. I also want some ppl to know so that I do have support if anything was to go wrong. I just don't think it matters when you tell them, if you wait until you start showing everyone will know then, and if something happened thats a lot of ppl to tell again.
Right now I don't want to have to worry about who doesn't know if anything happened and hurry and tell them before it is brought up unexpectedly.

But I am doing everything differently, last time I was going to wait to find the sex out and then buy stuff for the bebe. AT the u/s all I found out was they died. Not the sex, no pictures nothing. So I always feel empty handed. The first day I found out I bought a few things to have. I feel better.

* My olny dillema (sp?) now is my sister made me a bebe afgan with my last pregnancy and she gave it to me very early. Which was fine it was cold out and I use to sit on the couch with it on my lap and belly and I told the bebe I was keeping them warm. Now I still use the blanket as a lap blanket I have it never moves from the couch. Now that I am pregnant again do I use that one still or the new one I will have for the new bebe? I know I will get one she makes them for every bebe? *
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  #7  
January 28th, 2006, 08:41 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
I don't want to tell ppl one minute and others the next.
I don't feel as though I am jinxing the situation, but I think I want less ppl to know so I don't have to tell that many ppl. I also want some ppl to know so that I do have support if anything was to go wrong. I just don't think it matters when you tell them, if you wait until you start showing everyone will know then, and if something happened thats a lot of ppl to tell again.
Right now I don't want to have to worry about who doesn't know if anything happened and hurry and tell them before it is brought up unexpectedly.

But I am doing everything differently, last time I was going to wait to find the sex out and then buy stuff for the bebe. AT the u/s all I found out was they died. Not the sex, no pictures nothing. So I always feel empty handed. The first day I found out I bought a few things to have. I feel better.

* My olny dillema (sp?) now is my sister made me a bebe afgan with my last pregnancy and she gave it to me very early. Which was fine it was cold out and I use to sit on the couch with it on my lap and belly and I told the bebe I was keeping them warm. Now I still use the blanket as a lap blanket I have it never moves from the couch. Now that I am pregnant again do I use that one still or the new one I will have for the new bebe? I know I will get one she makes them for every bebe? *[/b]
June,
I had a client's mother tell me a story about her little girl that died of SIDS...she was her first born and she told me she went into a deep depression where she didn't even speak to people for months...she had never touched the baby's room...left everything exactly as it had been. She said about a year later she had a dream where her baby girl came to her and told her that she wanted ehr to use her things for her baby sister....a few weeks later she found out she was pregnant and did have a nother little girl. She ended up using the first babies things for the second baby feeling all along that she had her daughter's blessing...that she wanted to share her things with her sister...
I tell you this story in hopes of letting you know your baby angel would be proud if you used that blanket for her sibling...baby angels know no jealousy, envy, or maluice...they are perfect forever living in heaven...and i just think she would approve
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Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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  #8  
January 28th, 2006, 10:10 AM
soontobemommyto3
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June, I'd probably use the new one for the new baby and keep that one with your angel baby's memory box. But that is me.

I guess I don't want to tell people because I don't want them to think oh everything is ok now, she is over her lost baby. Once people find out that you are pregnant again, it is like your other baby just didn't exist. I guess I just don't want to hear Oh that's great you are pregnant again and so soon! I mean yes it is great, but I still have a daughter who will never know this world and I don't want people to forget about her.

When people ask me how many kids I have, I have taken to saying 2 living and one born still. I just can't NOT include Cassie as part of my life.
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  #9  
January 28th, 2006, 01:41 PM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
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Posts: 653
Telling ppl you have 2 living and 1 still born is including her, its just not confusing other ppl. I understand why you don't tell ppl, and I think it is how it makes you feel better how to go about it.
Your right many ppl will probably feel as though Cassie didn't exist since you have a new little one coming, they will forget although you are happy you are still hurting for Cassie, I don't think many ppl will understand that like we do.
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  #10  
January 30th, 2006, 04:59 AM
Blessings B's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I feel fairly often that I am going to jinx this baby. It is an odd feeling, but there are so many superstitions(my husband calls them stupidstitions) that sometimes I worry. Hugs girls B
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  #11  
January 30th, 2006, 10:33 AM
FerrariAngel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I felt that way about my last pregnancy. I wouldn't tell ANYONE not even my JM friends. I just was so secretive about it. I also was super nice to everyone, like I wanted to be an extra good person so it couldn't be karma.

I ended up m/c and realized that I didn't jinx it at all b/c it had nothing to do with me!! (Well, nothing to do with my behavior).

So it's completely natural, just remember you're not going to do anything bad.

Good luck
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