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When did you tell?


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
April 11th, 2009, 09:58 AM
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When did you let the cat out of the bag? I have really mixed feelings on this because my life would be much easier if I just told everyone, but I am worried that (once again) things won't work out. I have to wear uniforms at work (Japanese policy, even the North American President wears a uniform) and they got very tight very early when I was pregnant with Eva. I have a few social obligations to attend, and it would be easy to explain why I won't have a drink. I could go on, but I'm sure you've all been there before. Part of me is thinking I am being a ninny since I know from losing Eva that losses can happen after the first trimester. It's just that I have had two very public losses in a year, and I am not sure I am up to another. What do you girls think?
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  #2  
April 11th, 2009, 02:01 PM
Gayle's Avatar Veteran
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I know that it is so hard to figure out the right time. We let the cat out this time at 7 weeks. I'm so awful at keeping secrets, plus my job required heavy lifting so I had to let them know early why I couldn't lift anymore. Hope you figure out the right time.
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  #3  
April 11th, 2009, 03:20 PM
Enchanted Mumma's Avatar ♥KaLeNe♥
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We only just told everyone...after my U/S last Wednesday, so I was 11 weeks. If you feel that you would feel a burden lift or relief if you told people then I would say spill the beans...they is not point feeling stressed about keeping it a secret.
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  #4  
April 11th, 2009, 03:26 PM
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We told some people at 8 wks and some found out from others. I told my pastor who in turn put me on the spot and I felt I had to tell them at 8 wks. We were going to wait until 13 wks to tell my mom and his dad, my mom found out because I was going to the Dr a lot and a lday from church told FIL.
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  #5  
April 12th, 2009, 11:30 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's a very tough one. I hate situations like that, where it's people you will be bumping into on a regular basis, but not people who are *close*.

For work I basically have to tell everyone right away. One because my job is very physical and I need to pass off some of my duties (though there's only a couple of us). My other job because they knew I've been going through IVF so they're kind of going to figure it out when they ask and I can't say it was negative, lol.

It really depends on every situation. In your situation you may have to tell early because of the uniforms. Or.... is there any way you can tell a supervisor and get new uniforms that fit better? So you don't have to tell everyone else?
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  #6  
April 13th, 2009, 01:04 AM
princesskate's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I was going to wait until 12 weeks, but my son ended upm knowing at 9 weeks after my u/s. My sister and brother I told at around 13 weeks. My dad still doesnt know lol. SO told his family at around 10weeks although I wanted him to wait.

I think its a personal descion (sp?) when to tell people, there is no right or wrong time, just what feels right for you. I hope you figure out the right time
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  #7  
April 13th, 2009, 06:13 AM
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We told our parents as soon as we found out and other immediate family and close friends after 8 weeks. I didn't tell people at work until I was closer to 12 weeks. It was hard because I was having morning sickness, but I was just too worried of having to un-tell people again. My DH had the point that we should tell the people who we would want to know if we did have a loss (close friends, family, people who would be there to support us), and wait to tell people who we wouldn't want to know if we had a loss.
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  #8  
April 13th, 2009, 06:40 AM
katiegirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I told my mom right away but we waiting until 8 weeks to tell the kids and family.
Work didn't find out until about 11 weeks. I didn't mind my family knowing if something when wrong but I really didn't want all the questions from work.

I think it is all a personal decision.
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  #9  
April 13th, 2009, 07:34 AM
kellyanne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I was a "wait as long as possible" person. I stay at home, though, so that makes it a bit easier. My best friend and SIL knew, but besides that, I was 18 - 21 weeks before we started telling people (including family).
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  #10  
April 13th, 2009, 08:46 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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With Erin, I waited until after I saw a heartbeat to tell anyone but my supervisor at work and one friend.

I was getting inconclusive hpts and broke down in the break room on her. So I went in to the dr for a test the same weekend she was having a breast u/s to see if her "lump" was really a lump. We decided that we'd go back to work on Monday and hopefully we both had good news. I told her if only one of us could get good news it need to be her (if I had bad news, I could always try again the next month. If she got bad news, it could kill her). We both got good news.
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  #11  
April 13th, 2009, 08:46 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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With Erin, I waited until after I saw a heartbeat to tell anyone but my supervisor at work and one friend.

I was getting inconclusive hpts and broke down in the break room on her. So I went in to the dr for a test the same weekend she was having a breast u/s to see if her "lump" was really a lump. We decided that we'd go back to work on Monday and hopefully we both had good news. I told her if only one of us could get good news it need to be her (if I had bad news, I could always try again the next month. If she got bad news, it could kill her). We both got good news.
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