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Ugh I hate feeling like this....


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
April 27th, 2009, 03:21 AM
princesskate's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: huddersfield, west yorkshire
Posts: 22,139
On saturday I was looking at baby stuff in a store and I was going to put a deposit down on the travel system I want. This store in particular run something called a 'Baby Plan' where you put a 10% deposit down and basically that item is then yours, but it does'nt get delivered until you have paid for it in full.

Anyway, on Saturday I had the assistant in the store show me all the features and stuff. She spent a good half hour with me. She showed me how to swap it from pram mode to pushchair, how to put a car seat on, how to fold it up...oh she showed me everything. I had a little push of it around the store and I loved it. The assistant was great too, answered all my questions and stuff. Anyway, I was going to put a deposit down on it, and also purchase some super cute sleepers I couldnt resist. But then all of a sudden, this huge wave of fear came over me. I was scared to buy anything because I keep thinking something is going to go wrong with this pregnancy So I left the store without buying the sleepers, and without putting a deposit on the travel system.

I hate feeling like this. It sucks. I have my big u/s in just over a weeks time and I am freaking out about it, and if I am honest, I am not looking forward to going at all. At first I was looking forward to finding out if baby is a boy or a girl, but now I just want to know everything is ok. But on the other hand I dont want to go incase they tell me something is wrong. Do I make sense?

Sorry for this pointless ramble. I just needed to get that out. Does anyone have any suggestions of how I can snap out this and stop thinking negative ALL the time?
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  #2  
April 27th, 2009, 06:26 AM
Danielley08's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 3,594
I know EXACTLY what you are talking about...when you schedule the u/s you are SOOOO excited...but as the time approaches...the anxiety kicks in...and up until the moment that baby shows up on the screen with a strong heartbeat you hold your breath...

And I was TERRIFIED to buy anything for this little one until after my BIG u/s...it was silly but I really thought it would jinx this pregnancy...

I really don't know how to get rid of that haunting feeling though...it always lingers in the back of my mind...but I try my hardest to focus on the good things...each weekly milestone...and try to keep busy...the busier I can keep myself the less I worry about the twinges, the cramps, and all the other "normal but still freaks me out" feelings...

I think after your BIG u/s you should go straight back to the store and put your deposits down and buy some sleepers to celebrate...and you WILL have a reason to celebrate!

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  #3  
April 27th, 2009, 01:01 PM
Jenn1320's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Texas
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I feel like that now, and if this little one makes it to the big u/s I'll still be nervous. I think you are going to be just fine though!!!
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  #4  
April 27th, 2009, 01:23 PM
Vicki...'s Avatar Mommy to Caleb & Ethan
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Location: Ravencliff WV
Posts: 13,852
I feel like that also, I want so bad to start buying bottles and sleepers and little stuff like that but the fear just overwhelms me and I don't end up buying anything! ((((hugs)))) I am sure that once you have the big u/s that you will feel better!
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  #5  
April 27th, 2009, 02:00 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,095
I know how you feel. I have an u/s scheduled in two days, and I have convinced myself that something will be wrong. I have had a stillbirth and ruptured ectopic, so what will be next? I think I have the crazy (not to mention pessimistic) view that some force out there doesn't want me to have any more children. I agree with everyone else, though. After your ultrasound, go out and put down your deposit. You deserve the travel system, but more importantly, you deserve to be happy and excited about your baby! Don't let anyone take this joy and happiness away from you, including yourself. (I hope that made sense...)
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  #6  
April 27th, 2009, 02:40 PM
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I know exactly what you are going through. After losing Kairi at 20weeks, I couldn't bring myself to buy anything for Delaini until after that point. And, after I did, I went home and cried for quite awhile. Actually just typing this, I'm tearing up.
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  #7  
April 27th, 2009, 05:55 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 7,676
You are not alone.. I have still been putting off buying a carseat and stoller ,because I keep wondering "what if " I do not want to have to take it all back and have to explain. I am feeling alot better now that I am almost 25 weeks,but I am still very worried. I remember when I had my "big ultrasound" I about backed out . It was on the day that my last pregnancy ended. I was so worried that something was going to be wrong.

Not sure who told me this ,but just enjoy everyday that you are pregnant ..... Big hugs
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  #8  
April 27th, 2009, 06:23 PM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: California
Posts: 5,500
I am right there with you. I have yet to buy a baby related item. I have my big u/s this Thursday and should have my quad results next week. Dh hates it too. He says he can't wait for us to get the results. It's sad to think that he can't get excited about the pregnancy because he thinks something is going to go wrong.
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  #9  
April 27th, 2009, 07:40 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Upstate SC
Posts: 4,443
Right there with you. Since I found out the baby has a 1:32 chance of having Trisomy 18, I can't seem to really want to buy anything new. I did buy a few things at a garage sale but that's it. I was going to layaway the travel system I want lastweek but talked myself out of it.
It's hard but once you have your U/S you will feel so much better.

((((HUGS))))
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  #10  
April 28th, 2009, 09:11 AM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 8,212
Oh Kate, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I think it's completly normal being pregnant after a loss. I can't wait until you see that beautiful, strong baby and can go buy all the stuff you want. We're all here when you need to "get things out". We all understand. Love ya girl!
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  #11  
April 28th, 2009, 09:37 AM
princesskate's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: huddersfield, west yorkshire
Posts: 22,139
Thanks ladies.... I am feeling much better today. I guess I am just really nervous about my upcoming u/s! I was nervous before my others too, so I guess the 20w one is no different really. I cant wait to go shopping after the u/s
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