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Ok, I'm nervous. My emotions are shutting down and I don't want to go through with it. Today is the point where my water broke and tomorrow I would have given birth. I've been like this for a week to my family, my DH has no way of knowing my mood or knowing what I'm going to do. I want to cry every day in fear. I'm scared there will be a marker on his heart and there will be something wrong. I don't want to go through with it, what can I do?
I mean I'm crying now just because my anxiety level is going up. I can't sleep afraid to lay down, afraid to move. I don't think it is going to get better, I think the fear level is just going to go up. I don't have any connection with this baby either. UGH! I hate emotions!
Ok, well everything went well except my cervical length last Wednesday, April 22nd it was 4.4 cm now it has dropped to 3.1 cm. I go back for a length check on Thursday and if it drops I will in for an emergency cerclage, unless I refuse it and tell them I want an alternative plan. I'm not keen on this idea and if I can do anything else I will and actually listen. If I make it to 20 weeks they will think twice about it, so just gotta go a week and a half. No more shortening for me, hopefully!