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so sad today....


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
May 25th, 2009, 09:28 AM
peggums27's Avatar Luv my girls
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Winnipeg,Mb
Posts: 3,142
I am so emotional today been crying most of the day I miss Rennon so much tomorrow will be 2 years since he left us. I still feel the void of not having him, and being pregnant again makes me so happy but is not helping me stay calm right now....
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Peggy ~ Mom to~ Alexa 07-13-00 Rennon (RIP) 05-26-07 Mia 12-10-09



And I can't breathe without you, but I have to breathe, without you, I have to
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  #2  
May 25th, 2009, 09:53 AM
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Posts: 4,443
(((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry for your loss of Rennon.
Can you tell us about Rennon?
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  #3  
May 25th, 2009, 09:59 AM
princesskate's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: huddersfield, west yorkshire
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Im so sorry fr your loss hun
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  #4  
May 25th, 2009, 10:05 AM
peggums27's Avatar Luv my girls
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Location: Winnipeg,Mb
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On December 6, 2006 just 18 days after we got married, we found out we were expecting again, we have already had 4 miscarriages so we waited to tell our family and friends, December 27 we had our first ultra sound, and it was perfect, we saw the specialist and he saw no need for us to see him and referred us to a regular doctor.

We felt so good about our pregnancy, I rejoiced in morning sickness, I loved every minute of it. Late January 2007 we started having some bleeding, we were told it was normal and not to worry, well we didnt .... So while we were picking out baby names and talking about the nursery ideas we had no idea our world would come crashing down....


April 2007 we were in and out of the hospital every week, doctors kept telling me I was fine, I was sure I was losing my mind and worrying for nothing, but as a mother I am very cautious so if I felt I had to be there I went.

May 2007 we were in the hospital every second day, I started dilating on May 20 we were almost 29 weeks.... May 24 2007 I went into hospital I had some bleeding again and again they told me I was fine and sent me home, I went home and was told to stay off my feet, this is a bigger feat then one thinks for me, I am not a very good patient..

May 25 2007...... I was doing as I was told for once spent the whole day on the couch watching movies, I had a nap and stood up and my water broke, I started crying, I was only 29 weeks 4 days I was early and scared.... But at the same time the doctors had told me about the success rate for babies at this stage and I was kinda excited....

My husband took me to the hospital and then left to pick up my daughter.... The nurses were so good, they had me hooked up to the monitors immediatly and everything looked good.....

My daughter got there from school and she was so excited... She got to see the ultrasound of the baby and help the nurse find his heart beat....

My daughter left with her grandparents and they started my IV with fluids and sent me to my room....

I had to share a room with another woman and I was so scared the whole time I was in the room with her, I got worse and worse scared....

After supper I started feeling not too bad and relaxed in my room..... About 10:00 pm I sent my husband home so I could sleep....

As soon as he left I couldnt sleep and lyed in bed checking fetal movements... At 12:00 am the nicu doctor came in to see how I was doing and explain about babies born at this age and how great there chances are now and she made me feel really good about everything...

1:00 AM came and still I hadn't felt any fetal movements..... They hooked me up to the monitors again and I stayed on them till 5:00 AM.... I still hadn't felt much movement but they said he could be sleeping....

The intern came in at 7:00AM and gave me an ultrasound everything looked fine and I could see his heart beating and his arms moving....

I went back to my room and had breakfast my husband arrived not long after.....

My parents came to visit me and check on how I was doing.... I was feeling really they wheeled me downtairs to the cafeteria for a snack and then I went back to my room, when I got there I noticed my amniotic fluid had changed color drastically, they said not to worry about it it was probably meconium, but they wanted to put me back on the monitors just to be sure...

They put me back on the monitors and my husbands aunt came to visit, they didnt like how low his heart beat was so they gave me another ultra sound at 3:10, at 3:15 his heart rate slowed down, we could still see him moving in the monitor but his rate was at 60....

They rushed me out for an emergency c section, there was no time for my husband to get scrubbed up so he had to stay in the hall......

My son was born at 3:22.... I never got to hold him while he was alive... He was born with group b strep and because he was early he couldnt fight it.....

While they were trying everything they could for my baby they were trying to stabilize me, my pulse had dropped very low and I wasnt taking in oxygen well.....

My husband finally got to come in the room at 4:00 the doctor came in to explain that Rennon wasnt doing very well and they were doing everything they could...

My son died at 4:42... they did everything they could possibly do for him and I am forever going to remember their kindness...

The doctor came in and told us what had happened and brought Rennon in to us....

He looked just like his dad, with red hair and a bum chin and he was a perfect little angel, he looked so peaceful and serene....

They took his footprints for us and a lock of his hair, they gave us a bag full of literature on how to deal with the loss of our child, they gave us a camera to use to take some pictures....

My minister came from the country to give Rennon the last rites and my parents and my Husband's father and girlfriend were there with us...

I have never felt so empty inside

I will love you forever Rennon
My forever baby!
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Peggy ~ Mom to~ Alexa 07-13-00 Rennon (RIP) 05-26-07 Mia 12-10-09



And I can't breathe without you, but I have to breathe, without you, I have to
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  #5  
May 25th, 2009, 10:13 AM
peggums27's Avatar Luv my girls
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Location: Winnipeg,Mb
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Here are some pics of Rennon I'd like to share


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Peggy ~ Mom to~ Alexa 07-13-00 Rennon (RIP) 05-26-07 Mia 12-10-09



And I can't breathe without you, but I have to breathe, without you, I have to
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  #6  
May 25th, 2009, 11:40 AM
blue daisy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Toronto, canada
Posts: 1,605
I am just sobbing like crazy reading your story, and looking at your beautiful boy. My heart aches for you. This happened to my friend last year, at 6 1/2 months. She hadnt felt him move in a day and went to the hospital and he had died from listeriosis. My friend still struggles today, and I dont know if you ever get over this kind of a loss. You just adapt to a new reality. I dont know why this happens, its so sad. You two had a very short time together and I know he loved his mommy so much, but couldnt stay for some reason.
I send you big hugs and lots of strength xoxoxoxoo
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  #7  
May 25th, 2009, 03:26 PM
IAMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Lots of hugs for you. You are a very strong woman, and Rennon is looking down on you today with lots love in his heart. Your new lo has a very special angel watching over him/her.

Rennon is a very beautiful baby - His cheeks and little mouth are just precious.
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  #8  
May 25th, 2009, 08:58 PM
klt klt is offline
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Thank you so much for sharing your story. We all get to know Rennon with your words and your beautiful pictures. I wish we could all make everything better, but we all know that after a loss, things are never the same. Your loss must have been so heartbreaking...I can't even imagine. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. And, know that your little angel watches over you.
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  #9  
May 26th, 2009, 06:41 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Upstate SC
Posts: 4,443
Your son is so beautiful. I am glad you shared your story and pictures. Pregnancy after loss is one of the worst things to go through, you have moments of joy that are over shadowed by fear. We are here for you on you journey.
Even though I have made it past my loss dates I still have fear and I know it won't go away I'm just trying to enjoy my little girl as much as possible and try to put the fear in the back.
(((HUGS)))
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  #10  
May 26th, 2009, 08:46 AM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 8,212
I am so sorry for the loss of Rennon. He is a beautiful angel. My t & p are with yiou. Thank you for sharing him with us.
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  #11  
May 26th, 2009, 09:15 AM
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Wow!! You are a very strong woman! Thank your for sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your growing miracle in my thoughts and prayers.
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  #12  
May 26th, 2009, 09:56 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Sunny California
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I'm here in tears after reading your story......I'm amaze how strong of a woman you are......I'm sorry that this happened to you but on the other hand I am very happy that you are once again pregnant. Rennon is a very sweet boy and I know that today he is looking down on you and your family and his looking out for little bean. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
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  #13  
May 26th, 2009, 10:59 AM
peggums27's Avatar Luv my girls
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Location: Winnipeg,Mb
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Thanks ladies... today is tough its officially 2 years today
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Peggy ~ Mom to~ Alexa 07-13-00 Rennon (RIP) 05-26-07 Mia 12-10-09



And I can't breathe without you, but I have to breathe, without you, I have to
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  #14  
May 26th, 2009, 11:50 AM
Doodle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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and prayers
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  #15  
May 26th, 2009, 12:02 PM
forest's Avatar Cara, Mom to two girls
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((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) Thank you for sharing your story, I can't imagine how hard today must be. I'll be keeping you in my T&Ps.
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