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Hi my name is Julie. I finally ventured out of the Nov 09 DDC to look at some other message boards and I found this one. I hope it's alright if I stop by sometimes.
Last October I found out I was pregnant. My BF(now DH) and I were so excited and instantly bonded with the LO growing inside of me. We told everyone we knew and were already thinking way into the future before I even got halfway through the 1st trimester.
There was some spotting and my hands and feet swelled a lot early on. I thought it was normal.
Well, the week before Thanksgiving rolled around and I got a phone call that my dad was not doing well. He'd been laid off from his job and it seemed that he was shutting down emotionally. But he just got worse as the days went by. The day before Thanksgiving he was admitted to the hospital and was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. So, we drove 6 hours and I spent Thanksgiving in the hospital feeding my dad and reading to him and holding his hand. My DH was so supportive and with me every step of the way. My father and I were so close and this just destroyed me in ways I never imagined. I could no longer sleep or eat well.
We went back home because we had to (DH and I are both in the Navy) and on December 1st, I went to the ER for the first time because I had begun to bleed a little more than just spotting and things just weren't right. I no longer felt pregnant. The Dr. did an u/s and said that I either wasn't as far along as I thought or the baby wasn't developing properly (I knew how far along I was). At that point I should've been at the end of my 9th week. So I was sent home. All I could do was pray and I still had my dad to think of. Well, on the 3rd of Dec. the bleeding was worse(still no cramps) so I went back to the hospital. The Dr. I saw tried to reassure me that my cervix was still closed but said there was nothing they could do. Once again I was sent home. On the 4th, I went to bed and I was awoken around 1am with the worst cramps of my life and I fought it and fought it. Eventually I had to give in because I knew there was no stopping it. So, I just started breathing and going with the cramps that felt like waves. It was awful. I cried and cried the whole night and it was over around 7 am. I was devastated.
The follow up u/s was the worst because I saw that there was no longer a LO inside of me and I felt like digging a hole and crawling inside.
My poor dad kept declining over the next couple weeks. We tried a few rounds of radiation therapy but that just made his health worse. I went home to see him while I was on convalescent leave and on the night of Dec. 18th I laid on his bed with him and I told him what a wonderful dad he was and how much I loved him and even though he couldn't speak, I know he heard me because he reached out and rubbed my arm. It was the most he'd communicated in weeks. I woke the next morning at 7am to find that he'd passed away a few hours before.
I was beginning to think that maybe God was punishing me (and believe me, my faith was questioned to the point of breaking) but at the end of February, He blessed me with another pregnancy. I am now 16 weeks and the baby is full of movement and has a strong HB. A doppler is such a wonderful thing. It has helped keep me from worrying so much after the loss of last year. As long as LO's heart is going strong I am fairly stress free. Oh and this will be our first child.
I'm sorry for such a long intro, there was probably somewhere else I could've posted this but once I got going I couldn't stop. I just wanted to find a forum with people who understood this specific kind of pain. Thanks.
So sorry to hear about both losses.
Glad you were blessed with another little one.
I had a m/c in Aug 2008 and know how heartbreaking it can be.
I am a little over 8 weeks preg again and am stressed every day.
This will be my 3rd.
Best of luck to you and stay strong....
Welcome to PAL. I'm so glad you found us. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad and your LO. Congrats on the new pg. I'm glad all is going well with it. These women are great. They truly helped me through my pg after a loss. Please stay and get to know us.
Julie, Welcome to PAL! I'm so glad you found us! And, your intro wasn't too long. It's a great way to start to get to know you. I have a similar story and yours just broke my heart. We lost my mom in March '08 and found out we were PG in Sept. We lost our baby in October and I, too felt like I must have done something wrong to have life turn so totally upside down in a matter of months. I'm now am so aware that despite the pain and hurt that we feel emotionally, miracles DO happen. I'm 20 weeks today! I'm saying a little prayer for you and your baby, hoping that everything goes well. I'm also praying for your Dad. Losing a parent is so hard. And, the first year is especially rough as you go through each holiday for the first time without them. I can't wait to get to know you better. You'll love the women here! They definitely understand how scary PAL is and they are all here to support eachother. Welcome again!